Thank-Yo

EdItoR's NoTe

Watch Your
Words

engage in polite conversation. Her
ometimes my husband, Phillip,
husband waz, helping their oldest
and I argue about washing
daughter, but I don't think the woman
the dishes.
saw
— or perhaps she did and just
"I'm going to do them," I'll insist.
didn't care.
I "And you're going to go outside an d
"What is the matter with you?" Her
I enjoy yourself."
teeth clenched, her eyes narrowed to
"No," Phil will say. "I will
the size of a sliced almond,
wash the dishes. You go and
I reldx."
she turned to her husband.
"Can't you see that I'M
i Invariably, one of our chil-
doing all the work here?
1 dren will wander into the
What kind of father are
I room at this point and say,
you?"
"Why are you two arguing?"
No matter how many times
The way parents address
one another is a foundation
I Phil and I have this discus-
for
how
children
.learn to talk to other
sion about who will do the dishes,
I human beings. When parents speak
no matter how many times we
with respect to one another, children
- I explain to Yitz and Adina that we're
learn that they, too, must treat others
actually being nice to one another,
I
with
kindness and honor. When a
our seeming disagreement troubles
mother or father regularly sho w s no
the children. They don't like to hear
regard
for the other's feelings, chil-
us at odds, even in jest, because to
their tiny ears it all sounds like bicker _ dren come to believe that they can
say whatever they choose. Our
ing. And I can't say I blame them;_ I
words, our tone of voice; the under-
don't much like hearing people
! lying messages of what we say
argue, either.
children hear them all, take them in,
I know many parents spend a
and repeat them.
great deal of time thinking about the
Of course, parents will disagree.
way they will tell their children about
This
is not the problem. The issue is
1 issues like sex, death or financial
troubles. And it's good to thoroughly I how they disagree: screaming at
one another, mocking the other,
consider such matters and how best
spewing hateful words? Or speaking
to discuss them with our children.
reasonably, then taking it in the other
My question is, why don't parents
room if necessary.
spend more time thinking about
I suppose I'll have to listen to my
everyday conversation between them-
selves? For while children often are
I own advice the next time Phil and I
start that "who's doing the dishes" bit
I better at coping with sensitive issues
I than we ever could have imagined,
I again because even this joking trou-
bles the children. Or, better yet, I'll
I the day-to-day squabbling or cruelty
just give in and let him get to work.
between parents can leave them terri-
Wishing you a happy new
bly hurt, and irrevocably damaged.
year. El
Once we had a couple to our

I

1

I

I

home who had four young children.
I At one point, the frustrated mother
was trying to cut up food for her two
boys, eat her own lunch and

JCC Campers & their Families!

On behalf of the JCC Summer Camps fami-
ly, we would like to thank you and your chil-
dren for a fantastic summer camp season!

This was our most successful camp season
ever, with over 1,000 campers participating
in a wide range of fun-filled activities. We
realize the success of the JCC Summer
Camps would not have been possible without
your smiling faces greeting us each and
every day. We feel lucky to have con-
tributed to a happy, healthy, prosperous
summer for our campers and their families.

We can hardly believe the summer has
already come and gone, and our warm mem-
ories of camp will carry us through the win-
ter months.

Please look for new highlights and informa-
tion in the 1999 JCC Summer Camps
brochure in January. Thanks again & see you
next year!

1 Elizabeth Applebaum
AppleTree Editor

9/18
1998

Detroit Jewish News

179