EdItoR's NoTe

Family Matters II

PRESENTS

Loving to Learn:

Jewish Values &
Child Development

Featuring:

Dr. Don Spivak, noted expert in the areas of

child psychiatry and adolescent behavior.

Choose from over a dozen informative,
helpful workshops led by respected
doctors, educators and other experts.
There are sure to be subjects important
to you and your family.

Saturday, October 10
8:00 p.m.
Temple Israel
$20 per person

Please send check to

Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit

6735 Telegraph Road,

Bloomfield Hills, Ml 48301

For more information call Fern Hoberman Kepes

at

248-642-4260, ext. 281

f ts
ve
Iflpik

+co,

°PolitaiN C'

Allied Jewish Campaign

Community Outreach

and Education Department

9/11
1998

80 D,ctroft

DETROIT
JEWISH NEWS

JN

Michigan

Psychoanalytic
Foundation

Rules
a Of The Came

have a friend, Ruthie, who did
something quite ordinary, and
quite extraordinary at the same
time: she had my son over to play.
Her son Josh and my Yitz are nice
1 boys and attended nursery-
•
I schooltogether, but they aren't
I especially close.
So why did Ruthie invite Yitz
over?
One reason only: Ruthie is a
considerate person.
Ever since my children start-
1 ed getting out in the world we
1 have been inviting their friends to our
1 home. We make cookies or art pro-
jects, and we have popcorn and play
gaMes. For the children, it's a great
1 afternoon with friends. For the parent
I of the guest its a few hours of free
baby sitting. This is a concept Ruthie
1 clearly understood, so a few weeks
I after Josh came to our home she
I repaid the favor and had Yitz over.
During the past few months I have
listened carefully to parents as they
1 discuss what works, and does not
work, when it comes to having chil-
1 dren guests. Here is some of what I
I have heard:
1) Reciprocate, Reciprocate.
If your children make any visit to
another child's home, make a concert-
ed effort to invite that child to your
house. It doesn't have to be the next
week or even the next month, but it
should happen.
2) Don't invite yourself.
"I can't tell you how many times I
I have had parents call and say, "[My
daughter] Sally would really like to
see [your daughter] Linda, so I'm
I going to drop Sally off at your house
tomorrow," This places me in a diffi-
i
,
cult position, because I don't want to
be rude, but if Sally wants to play
with Linda, why doesn't her family

invite my daughter to their home? And
above all, don't have the child call
and say, "Can I come to your
house?" This places a terrible burden
on the parent, who may have other
plans but despairs at the thought of
disappointing a child.
3) Limit the time you
leave your son or
daughter at another's
home.
Two to three hours is gen-
erally acceptable, but more
than that and the host parent
I is likely to go insane.
4) Don't take a guest child
out of the home or leave him
1 with a baby sitter without
asking first.
One mother said, "I couldn't believe
I when I learned this family had taken
I my son to a movie when I thought he
1 was at their home the whole time.
What if I had had an emergency?
1 What if I had needed to pick .him up
I earlier than .planned?"
5) Never assume your chil-
dren are wanted as guests.
Don't say, "Go see if you can play
with Bobby [at his house]." Yes, it's
great for Bobby's mom when he has
a buddy, but it also means Bobby's
I mom is going to spend a lot of time
I pouring Cokes, searching for markers
to draw with, putting in computer
games — in short, taking care of
another child.
And there's a last issue. When.
Ruthie called to invite Yitz over he felt
so wanted and good about himself.
What a great feeling to give a child.
In those two hours, Ruthie managed
to make both my boy, and me, very
happy.

Elizabeth Applebaum
AppleTree Editor

