For Openers...

Words To Live By
Or Laugh At

at you? But when you take it in the
* Plan to be spontaneous tomor-
e have often heard that
car, it sticks its head out the window.
row.
"A word to the wise is
Steve Bluestone
* Always try to be modest and be
sufficient." But suffi-
* Have you ever noticed? Anyone
proud of it.
cient for what?
gong slower than you is an idiot, and
* If you think nobody
Many people are quite
anyone going faster is a maniac.
cares about you, try miss-
free with their advice. Our
George Carlin
ing a couple of payments.
language is well supplied
* If it weren't for electricity, we'd
* Bills travel through the
with aphorisms, which all
all be watching television by candle-
mail at twice the. speed of
too often are used by the
light. George Gobel.
checks.
do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do peo-
* If at first you don't
ple. With that in mind, here
succeed, then skydiving is
are some one-liners to pon-
definitely not for you.
der, followed by some inter-
* I think that men who
esting observations from
have a pierced ear are more
some famous folks.
SY
prepared for marriage.
ise
M ar tha
* If at first you don't suc-
MANELLO
They've experienced pain
ceed, destroy all evidence
Editorial
and bought jewelry. Rita
AnObj: n ce fte r l
oot terrible fl
that you tried.
Assistant
Rudner
ox
cart
got
stuck in the mu .
* A conclusion is the
* The second day of a
The
ox's
wife, Bess
place where you got tired of
diet is always easier than
Said, 'Dear, you're a mess."
thinking.
the first. By the second day you're off
He muttered, "kh hub dere in
* Experience is something you
it. Jackie Gleason
bud!"*
don't get until just after you need it.
* Advertising: the science of
* For every action, there is an
arresting the human intelligence long
equal and opposite criticism.
enough to get money from it.
* He who hesitates is probably
Stephen Leacock
right.
* Did you ever notice that when
* No one is listening until you
you blow in a dog's face it gets mad
make a mistake.
* Success always occurs in private
and failure in full view.
* The hardness of the butter is
proportional to the softness of the
"I have made a 360-degree change in attitude."
bread.
—Rabbi Moshe Morgenstern, on withholding a get or Jewish divorce for
* To steal ideas from one person is
seven years from his first wife 43 years ago. Rabbi Morgenstern, a New
plagiarism; to steal from many is
York accountant, has been at the forefront in the Orthodox world of the
research.
movement to annul marriages of agunot, or chained women.
* You never really learn to swear
until you learn to drive.
"When you give Jewish blessings to old crosses, it breeds new crosses."
* The problem with the gene pool
—Activist Rabbi Avi Weiss who is pressing Congress to prod the Polish
is that there is no lifeguard.
government into removing the 50 crosses placed at Auschwitz by a group
* A clear conscience is usually the
- of right-wing Polish Catholics.
sign of a bad memory.
* If you must pick between two
"It's a terrific film, which almost made me want to be Jewish."
evils, pick the one you've never tried
—Don Bustany, a veteran Arab American activist and a Christian, on
before.
"The Prince of Egypt," a new animated musical film version about the life
* Don't sweat petty things ... or
of Moses in which filmmakers sought the the opinions of Jeivish, Christian
pet sweaty things.
and Muslim clergy and scholars.

IV

❑

ituotables

Ilowz By You

BY

Mendel

IT DOES Mg HEART PROUD lb SEC 11J0

NICE 1- EWISH KIDS DECIDING TO
ENTER INTO THE H01M 130NPS OF
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WONDERFUL, TRADITIONAL
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(248) 352-5272 v/tty

Detroit Jewish News

9/4
1998

5

