For Openers...
JARC
PRESENTS
The Missionaries
Are At My Door
EVITA
her, 'What do you wish?'"
never offered. One of the teenagers
he Alper home lies one mile
"Hmmm," I responded. "Seems that
made the opening pitch. "Sir," he
up a rutted, dirt road in rural
my version is a bit different. Maybe
began, "are you alarmed by the global
Vermont. It's not exactly a
you can help me understand why." I
warming trend?" I responded with an
manicured suburban cul de
then grabbed my New English Bible,
immediate, perhaps some-
sac. So I figured they'd never
.
Oxford University Press, 1970, and
what melodramatic, "Yes."
find us here; but sure enough,
shared its translation. "When she came
"Well, sir," the young man
they did. Pretty impressive.
to him, he incited her to ask her father
continued, "we have a free
Even the United Jewish
for a piece of land. As she sat on the ass,
pamphlet we'd like you to
Appeal could take a few
she broke wind, and Caleb said, 'What
have. We only ask a donation
lessons from these folks: Mis-
did you mean by that?'"
of 50 cents."
sionaries.
Rather than engage in a discussion
I took a quick look at the
Perhaps because we are so
about the intricacies of interpretation,
missionary tract. Nodded in
remote they double-teamed
within 30 seconds the team was barrel-
the affirmative. But then
our house. Instead of two of
ing down the road, on its way to save
added, "And I have a pam-
them, there were four. Two
other souls. But before they left, I wit-
RABBI BOB
phlet for YOU! It's called
teenagers and two adults
nessed a miracle: As I finished reading
`Choosing Judaism,' and it's
ALPER
emerged from a battered car
the verse, one of the older missionaries
free! All I ask is a donation of
Special to
bearing out-of-state plates. My
broke into an involuntary grin. ❑
50
cents."
His
tract
was
hasti-
The Jewish News
dog offered his traditional
ly replaced in his briefcase,
greeting, sniffing the intruders
and, unsurprisingly, out came a bat-
then "watering" their tires. I was SO .
tered, leather-bound Bible.
proud of him.
"I'm so glad you brought your
I should note here that I'm a pretty
Bible," I offered, "because I have a
relaxed kind of guy, and the few unan-
question about Judges, Chapter 1, verse
nounced visitors we encounter are
14. Would you please read from youi.
received politely, even warmly. That
Guts gtelenkt men, shlechts flit men.
copy?" He licked his index finger,
includes the poor schlepper attempting
dness is remem Ibered,
Kindness
zipped over to the page and began,
to sell us aluminum siding for our then-
meanness
T , hurts!!
"When she came to him, she urged him
four-year-old house or the fellow who
Ouh
hat
c
to ask her father for a field; and she
regularly drops by trying to unload
alighted from her ass and Caleb said to
frozen meat of indeterminate age he
"just happened to have left over from a
restaurant delivery." But despite the
example set by our father Abraham,
when it comes to missionaries, I can't
seem to work up the requisite level of
"For our coaches, it'a a real luxury"
hospitality toward these strangers at my
— Joel Roodun, table tennis team manager for Great Britain's 53-member
tent.
delegation attending the 1998 JCC Maccabi Games in Detroit, speaking
Missionaries annoy me, as do all fun-
about the vastness of the Kahn Jewish Community Center in West Bloomfield.
damentalists who imply, "Theologically,
I'm OK. But you're not."
"You have to be Jewish to become a Broadway songwriter. You can count on
Here's what happened on that
one hand the guys who aren't. It's not a coincidence. There's something definite-
autumn morning:
ly genetic here."
The crew stood on my porch, await-
— Prolific composer-lyricist Jerry Herman who stars in Broadway's "An
ing an invitation to enter which was
T
Quotables
Evening with Jerry Herman," a career retrospective of his hits that includes
"Hello, Dolly'"Mame," "La Cage Aux Folles" and 'Milk and Honey"
His cousin, Jerry Bock, wrote "Fiddler on the Roof"
Rabbi Bob Alper is a stand-up comic
and author.
Bowz By You
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(&)
CHARGE?rVE 601- A toT
Thursday,
November 5
Masonic Theatre
8:oo p.m.
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insures that
the people
JARC serves
• Live dignified and
meaningful lives
•Are cared for by
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skilled staff
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full members of
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INFORMATION CALL:
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WORLD?
OF QUESTIONS HERE!
014
Jewish Association for
Residential Care
.
28366 Franklin Road
Southfield, MI 48034
8/28
1998
Detroit Jewish News
5