DARCI SMITH
Special to The Jewish News
he opened the door, and there
he stood. Tall, with galoshes
like a fireman would wear, up
to his knees. Complete with
buckles. And a fanny pack.
"I thought, 'I'm on a blind date with
a Groton's fisherman,"' recalled Sheri
Benkoff of Farmington Hills, 32. Not
to mention, she added, there wasn't a
drop of rain in sight.
Ah, the perils of blind dating. It's
anxiety; stress — and sometimes seems
like the only way to meet someone new.
"It's really hard to meet people,"
Sheri said. "I was flattered that people
thought enough of me to take the time
to fix me up with someone."
Sheri met her current boyfriend,
Michael Benchetrit, on a trade: She and.
a friend decided to set each other up.
Sheri and Michael's first date was full of
good conversation, both recalled; their
second date, basset hounds.
The two happened to be lunching in
downtown Birmingham when a parade
of hundreds of dogs sauntered by.
"All you heard was howling. It was
very funny," she recalled.
Michael, 30, of Farmington
Hills, said blind dates cut
"through a lot of the gamesman-
ship," especially when a young
adult is climbing the corporate
ladder and pressed for time. "The ; t
other person knows, at least on a
basic level, something about you
and vice versa," he explained.
Although blind dates may be awk-
ward, and a prime setting for nervous-
ness, those who endure them should in
no way feel alone. Matches have been
going on in Jewish tradition for ages.
Traditionally, the matchmaker was a
representative in the community who
negotiated the agreement between the
families," according to Alicia Nelson,
who maintains a little black book of
available singles. Nelson, who is married
to Rabbi David Nelson of
Congregation Beth Shalom, regularly
invites an even number of male and
female singles to their home for
Shabbat dinner, in hopes of making
matches that stick.
Years ago, Nelson said, both families
"
Darci Smith is a freelance writer in
Troy.
8/21
1998
80 Detroit Jewish News
was worthy of him. Abraham sent his
trusted servant, Eliezer, to find such a
woman.
"There are so many beautiful stories
about how he watched the girls in
town," said Finman. The girl Eliezer
found, Rebecca, was modest and kind,
traits valued even today.
It may not have been modesty or
kindness that initially drew Jonathan
Dwoskin, 26, of Farmington Hills, to
/ At his girlfriend, Sara Lipton, 22, of West
Bloomfield. It was more a sense of
obligation and parental love.
M Their parents fixed them up, and
neither Dwoskin nor Lipton wanted
to go. "The only reason I ended up ask-
ing her out is that I felt bad disappoint-
ing my dad," said Dwoskin. Lipton,
who didn't want to date someone who
needed hisdad to set him up, was final-
ly forced on the date by her parents.
Once they met, however, it was "love at
first sight," he said.
Not everyone has such grand experi-
ences in the blind-dating arena. Jason
Ruttenburg, 23, of Huntington
Woods, said it is by far the least
, likely way he will date someone
'• again. Although he's only been
on two blind dates — one
through a family friend and
one via the Internet — Jason
says it's hard to gauge chem-
istry unless you're face-ro- •
face, choosing the person
yourself. "In my opinion [blind
dates are] the worst in the
world," he said.
Eric Rosenfeld typically doesn't take
setups he's offered because he prefers
not to rely on someone else's opinion.
"I'd rather meet somebody myself, get
to know a person and have my own
heavy-set woman, was ill, and his
experiences," he said.
grandfather, a slight man, carried her up
And even though he's had a fine time
three flights of stairs. The two had been
on past blind dates, a relationship has
paired in an arranged marriage. 'And to
never stemmed from one. This, he said,
think, they hadn't known each other
makes him hesitant to try again.
before they were introduced by a
Denny Bachman, 32, of Farmington
matchmaker, and that love was so
Hills,
said she has been on too many
intense between them!"
blind
dates.
"Basically it's a tool to meet
After he heard that story, Chana's
people, and you don't know who you
grandfather spent the rest of his life try-
might meet through that one person,"
ing to emulate that incredible love and
she said. However, "I wish they could
devotion with his own family.
end. [But] I don't think that's going to
Perhaps the first recorded match-
change unless I meet somebody."
making in Jewish history goes back to
There are other options when family
the first Jew, Abraham, Finman said.
and
friends fail to produce the perfect
Abraham wanted to find a wife for his
shiduch (match). The Beshert
son, Isaac, but it had to be a wife who
Connection, run through Temple Israel
Sure they can work,
but it an awfully scary
process to put your future
in someone else's hands.
agreed to a match before the couple —
usually in their teen years — were told
about the union. The method was a lot
less complicated than today's dating
scene, while still pretty successful. Of
course, it wasn't based on love or
romance, but on practicality. The think-
ing went that love would grow in time.
"People took it as if it came straight
from Heaven," said Chana Finman, a
Lubavitch rebbetzin in Oak Park. That
happened in her own family's history,
learned by reading her grandfather's
memoirs.
As a 5-year-old in Russia, he wrote
of a wondrous moment among his
grandparents. His grandmother, a