For Openers...
Who Says One-Liners
Are Only For Comics?
write.
"Don't Be A Bumper Sticker."
ne liners — those short,
And as for observations:
* On a hearse: "We're The Last To
pithy, hysterical come-backs
* A man should never question his
Let You Down."
— are not just for the come-
wife's judgement. Look whom she
* In an optometrist's office: "Power
dy club any more.
married.
To The Pupil."
Who says that we average
* "All men are created equal," is
And not to be left out are
humorists-about-town can't
only
grammatically correct.
some daffy-nitions:
have a few funny repartees in
Remember, if you can't leave 'e
* A skier — a guy who
our repertoire? To aid you in
laughing, just leave. ❑
jumps to contusions.
your efforts, here are some
* A customs inspector — a
that I have noted and would
traveler's check.
ike to share.
* An earthquake — a topo-
A list of punny, funny
graphical error.
firsts:
* Acupuncture — a jab well
by Martha Jo Fleischmann
* The first nudist conven-
done.
tion received little coverage.
S Y
* Sleet — a slipcover.
We know of a rabbit named
* The first whitener for
* A feast — an eat wave.
MAN ELLO
Claire
clothes came from Florida:
* A computer date — a cal-
Edit orial
Who
constantly
hops everywhere.
Miami Bleach.
culated risk.
tant
Assis
So
peripatetic
* The first janitors' union
* A shoplifter — a person
Is she, it's pathetic.
c alled for sweeping reforms.
with a gift of grab.
She's just nisht ah hin,
* The first all-night bakery was run
* Pedestrians — a city's bumper
nisht a hare*
by a dough nut.
crop.
* The first chair was made for roy-
* An author — a guy who's always
*Neither here nor there
alty, but it was throne out.
* The first attorney won a civil suit.
* The invention of cardboard belts
led to the first waist paper.
* The first macaroni factory had to
pasta inspection.
"He put on the Mister Rogers sweater and sat down ... I pictured my relatives
* The first savings bank opened for
being exterminated."
guys and dollars.
—Ahuva Weinberger, 18, who attended the denaturalization trial of
* When dynamite was first made, it
Jack Reimer, a Ukrainian-born retiree accused of concealing his activities
did a booming business.
as an SS guard during World War II.
* The first rubber man to join a cir-
cus got bounced.
"Be proud athletes and proud Jews."
* The first pencil was thought to be
Steven Reiner, chairman, Jewish Community Centers Association of
pointless.
North America Maccabi Continental Governing Board, at Sunday's open-
Then there are some punny stick-
ing ceremonies of the Detroit-hosted 1998 JCC Maccabi Games at the
ers:
Palace of Auburn Hills.
* On an electric company van:
"Power To The People."
"As a youngster growing up, little did I think I'd be at the second coming of the
* On a pickup camper: "Gone
Cinema Theatre."
With The Whim."
—Hugh Greenberg, representing the 1998 Jewish Community Center
* On a cabinetmaker's truck:
Maccabi Games, at a "thank you" evening for volunteers planning the 100-
"Counter Fitters."
year anniversary celebration of the organizing of Detroits Jewish community.
* On a garbage truck: "Always At
The event was held in Charles Forbes' newly restored Gem Theatre, now at
Your Disposal."
Brush and Madison. In its original Detroit location, the Gem once was
* On the back of an automobile:
known as the Cinema Theatre.
0
Quotables
flown By You
BY
Mendel
.YOU'RE RIGHT! Gt.iG SHOW) BE
WAIT A MINUTE? WHy ARE I,JE
SITTING AROUND (MOOR BATHROBGS CONGREGATING WITH OUR
FELLOW 1-EGJS! LET'S
ON Pt SATURDAY? Oe SHOULD
GET PRESSED!
BE POING SOMETHING
SPIR(TUA LL9 FuLErwm 6!
One Size
Does Not
Fit All
15'
JARC
INDEPENDENT
LIVING
SERVICES
TAILOR-MADE TO EACH
INDIVIDUAL'S NEEDS
•
WE PROVIDE MORE
THAN DAILY LIVING
ASSISTANCE ...
WE PROVIDE A
COMMUNITY.
Friends to meet, activities to
enjoy, cultural and religious
opportunities – all that makes
life full and complete.
•
JARC INDEPENDENT
LIVING SERVICES
• Newly expanded
• Serving people with
any level of disability
• Professional staff to ensure
your family member's life
is well-coordinated
• Available on a
sliding fee basis
•
CALL 248-352-5272 V/TTY
FOR MORE INFORMATION.
A
A Jewish Association for
Residential Care for persons
with developmental disabilities
28366 Franklin Road
Southfield, MI 48034
8/21
1998
Detroit Jewish News
5