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July 10, 1998
-
I read in The Jewish News that there
are actually over 60 people who have
applied and are auditioning from July ,
15-17. People are coming from New
York, Chicago and California. Read: I
have no chance.
Spring Here?
My hopes are sinking way faster
I am just happy the producers
than
the Titanic.
haven't asked me to sing. We have to
Joel says I should put that informa- 4.0
explain why it is that we are applying
tion out of
for this show and
mind and focus
what our special
on my presenta-
talent is. In other
tion, a honed
words, they want
and researched
to know what on
6-minute dis-
earth possessed us
course on kosher
to apply for a
aphrodisiacs. He
cooking show if
tactlessly advises
we cant cook.
me to dump the
This is it. My
outfit I was
test. If I am
planning to
going to show
wear ("No one
the producers
Charles
Goldrab
auditions
for
looks good in
that I know
"Everything"s Kosher"
olive. Especially
something about
not you.").
kosher, I have to
I begin to analyze why I have been
show them with a discourse on an
shunted to the back of the audition
interesting subject. If I am going to
schedule and how that will affect my
show them that I think this can be
chances. Is it because I turned in my
both serious and fun, I have to treat
application too near the deadline? Is it
my subject with equal weight. If I am
because my last name starts with an
going to show them that I am attrac-
"S"? Is it because they really don't think
tive, I better find something to wear.
they will want me? How will being last
I decide that I am going to talk
in line affect my chances?
about aphrodisiacal foods in Jewish
"Honey," my weary husband says,
lore. And I jumped right into the
"They are saving the best for last."
research.
I don't believe him, but it makes me
July 2, 1998
feel a little better.
The research is not going as well as
M1, 1998
thought.
cleaned up my ends
MY
At first, I thought I would try out
and
reshaped
my
hair.
on my unsuspecting husband some of
That done, I showed my look to my
the foods said to spark a fire. But then
friend
Didi.
I found out that sparrow brains and
"The hair looks great, but your
rooster testes were considered to be
hands need work," she said.
good ingredients in love potions. I just
I immediately objected. I am a
can't do that to Joel.
mother who can't have long nails for
I also looked in the mirror and
diaper-changing reasons, I do my own
stepped on the scale. The scale reading
gardening and housework without
wasn't too bad, but with the fabled 10
gloves, I am a writer who incessantly
pounds the camera adds, I will have to
pounds the keyboards. After some con-
lose a little to look okay. I also have to
sultation with friends, I find a mani-
get my hair cut. Maybe the lost weight
curist who will take me in. Without
from the shorter hair will count.
too much wincing on her end, she
Nah.
completes the job and sends me on my
July 6, 1998
way with a coat of Barely There Pink.
. Through my vast powers of investi-
Didi is so proud of me.
gation, I have found out that 55 peo-
July 17, 1998
ple applied for the positions on Every-
Today is the day.
thing's Kosher, including yours truly.
After a fitful sleep, I got up at
About 12 are well- or lesser-known
6:30
a.m., realized what day it was
chefs with years of experience and the
and
promptly
fell sick. Although I
rest are people like me. Am I daunted?
had
rehearsed
a few times and had
You bet. The audition is less than two
consulted
a
friend
who had seam-
weeks away.
lessly auditioned the day before, I

Now, I am beginning to get ner-
vous. Audition? Me?
The only time I had the nerve to
audition for anything was in third
grade when I went for the part of Little .
Mary Sunshine in the operetta Is

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104 Detroit Jewish News

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