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MICHAEL KACHAN

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Easing The Pain

A support group is forming to work
with families that have lost children.

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but grandparents are left to sway on
their own," Pont said.
Staff Writer
Techner does not commonly work
with families who've lost children, but
avid Techner learned some-
when the need arises, he said, it is vital
thing 20 years ago when
to be sensitive. "In working with fami-
his infant daughter died.
lies, everyone has their own issues and
Janet Pont learned it last
problems to deal with," he said.
month, when friends lost a 2 1/2-year-
"Janet wondered, as a 'parenting
old son.
institute,' if there is an obligation to
The lesson that grief knows no
work with parents on this. I've worked
boundaries spawned the idea of par-
with them one-on-one for years, but
ents and grandparents working with
never thought of what other needs
each other to help ease the pain of
they have. The parents have a respon-
having a child die.
sibility to grieve, but they can't ignore
Techner, the funeral director at Ira
their other children."
Kaufman Chapel, and Pont, the direc-
Techner and his wife Ilene lost their
tor of the Eugene and Marcia
8-month-old daughter Alicia 20 years
Applebaum Jewish Parenting Center
ago. They did not have other children
of Congregation Shaarey Zedek, are
at the time, but had
workina b to set
. ..E., other issues ro deal
up a support
3„ with.
group to serve
=4- While 75 percent of
parents and
.2 ' bereaved parents get
grandparents
divorced, Techner
who've had a
said, divorce wasn't
child die.
on their minds.
The group is
"But communication
slated to begin
became difficult. If
meeting in the
one of us had a good
fall.
day and the other a
"I hadn't
bad day, we wouldn't
thought of this
tell the other what
for families in
was happening," he
this situation,"
said.
said Pont. "I
As for talking about
called David,
their issues in a
who has talked
group setting then,
to many of my
he said, "We would
nursery school
Jewish Parenting Center Director
have been interested
classes about
Janet Pont.
in anything at the
death, because I
time. A support
wasn't sure what
group can show hope, and we could
the most effective way is of setting up
provide an element of optimism." The
a support group."
Techners dealt with counselors indi-
Pont's proposal is to have separate
vidually and as a couple, finding their
groups for grandparents and parents.
own solutions. "We took our own
At the parenting center, we've been
grief and channeled it into another
doing so much for grandparents that
pregnancy," he said.
hasn't been done," said Pont, who
Ironically, time has made a gain of
recently became a grandmother.
the loss. "Alicia played a very impor-
The center has initiated programs
tant role in our lives, and we became a
in which grandparents, working with
closer family." ❑
social workers, learn how to get along
with their grandchildren and joint
projects for grandparents and grand-
For information about the support
children.
group program, contact Janet Pont
"When a child dies, the concern is
at (248) 681-5353.
naturally centered around the parents,

LONNY GOLDSMITH

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