future mother-in-law. "At first
[Michele and I] went together, then I
went with her mom. Her mom gave
good ideas," said Rob, a chiropractor
who lives in Birmingham.
Since his mother-in-law gave Rob
the diamond for the engagement
ring, the two went together to find
the perfect setting at Tapper's. When
he proposed at Yosemite National
Park in California, "tears just started
running down Michele's face instant-
ly," Rob recalled.
"She loved the ring."
Steven Tapper of Tapper's advises
grooms-to-be to look for a ring that
will maintain its classic beauty. "It's
the one gift you give that is meant to
last forever."
With that in mind, buyers
should be aware a quality one-carat
diamond engagement ring,
depending on the setting, can cost
upwards of $5,000. When you
find a ring that's a lot cheaper, be
careful, said Tapper. "You get what
you pay for."
The low price usually points to
impurities in the diamond, which
can drive the cost down. A diamond
is graded by cut, carat weight, clarity
and color. Cut, which many people
confuse with the shape of the dia-
mond, is the most important, s a id
Tapper.
In a properly cut diamond, the
table, or top of the diamond, acts as
a window and the lower pavilion
facets act as mirrors. When a dia-
mond is cut to proper proportions,
light is reflected from one facet to
another and then dispersed through
the top of the diamond," Tapper
said.
According to Gary Astrein of
Astrein's Creative Jewelers in Birm-
ingham, working with an established
jeweler is key when buying an
engagement ring. "Most established
jewelers are in business based on
their reputation, and if they've been
around, their reputation is good," he
said.
It's also wise to make sure the jew-
eler has registered, trained gemolo-
gists on staff and that diamonds are
sent out of the store to be certified
and graded by an independent grad-
ing laboratory. A certificate is "like a
fingerprint of your diamond,"
Astrein said
Astrein recommended buying a
loose diamond. It is easier to exam-
ine and imperfections are not hidden
by the setting. ❑

The Thought That Counts

Wedding planners say gifts for attendants shouldn't be an afterthought.

that the bridesmaids would be wear-
ing exactly the same jewelry in all of
Special to The Jewish News
the bride's keepsake photos.
After the wedding and reception, I
t was the morning of my friend
caught
the next plane home. I have
Jill's wedding and, even though
not
spoken
to Jill since.
I had yet to don the obligatory
Unfortunately,
wedding planners
gown and dyed-to-match
see similar situations all the time.
shoes, I already had endured more
Not the necklace, mind you, but
than most bridesmaids.
equally bad gifts chosen for atten-
First, I was the sole bridesmaid at
dants by brides and grooms who
the bring-your-own-dish-to-pass
think of honoring their patient
shower on a hot September day in a
friends and relatives after the wed-
hall with no air conditioning.
ding budget has dried up and time
A month later, after forfeiting two
has all but run out.
vacation days at work, I put aside my
"People get stumped," said Steve
intense fear of flying and dragged
Stawicki of the Wedding Connection
myself aboard a flight bound for
in Huntington Woods. "They make
Florida, seated from takeoff to land-
bad choices because they don't know
ing next to a woman who cried and
what
to do."
vomited the entire time. I then rent-
So,
in order to save relationships
ed a car, picked up the powder-pink
from souring, planners offer
gown and headed to Jill's apart- •
these tips:
ment where promised
1. The gift can be
accommodations
something attendants
turned out to be a
can use on the wed-
less-than-comfortable
/
ding
day but make
pull-out couch and an
sure
they can use it
empty refrigerator.
at
other
times. Julie
I endured a
Kalt
Rones
of Event
rehearsal dinner consist-
Planners
in
West
ing of a five-foot-long
Bloomfield suggests
monster submarine
brides and grooms
sandwich and wartn
give their attendants
beer as we taped up
an extravagance the
decorations until 1 a.m.
attendant may not
in the rental hall the
have.
"I think it is
night before the event.
nice
to
give
something
I was awakened at 6
personal
that
they
can
use
at the wed-
a.m. when the "beauti-
ding and again later, like a mono-
cian" arrived to transform my hair
grammed mirror for the bridesmaids
into something only Marge Simpson
or cuff links for the groomsmen," she
would love.
So I guess you could say I expected said.
2. Better yet, give them something
the traditional bridesmaid gift to be
they
can use on any other day but
something to make up for all the
your
wedding day. Stawicki has seen
inconvenience and cost I had gone
gifts
of beautiful picture frames and
through.
even clothing given to attendants. "I
I was wrong. Inside the ultrasuede
advise my clients to match the gift to
box Jill handed me was a gift that fell
the personality of the bridesmaid or
so far short of that aspiration: a chok-
groomsman," he said. "It may not be
er made of white plastic beads sus-
something they are walking down the
pended from a tiny plastic pink rose
aisle with but they will probably like
and a fake gold heart upon which my
it a lot more."
name was inscribed. This tacky piece
3. Give something practical. One
of wearable junk had set the bride
young
man I used to date gave out
back exactly $10.50 — this I know,
money clips in the shape of dollar
because the price tag was still on it.
signs as his present. Quick, make a
I was angry and hurt. The gift was
list of all of the people in your life
not chosen for me; it was chosen so

JILL DAVIDSON SKLAR

I

0"

--

who use a money clip — plain or
tacky — in everyday practice.
Not many, eh? Then don't give the
gift.
Leslie Jacobs, a wedding planner in
Bloomfield Hills, agrees. "It should
be something special, a token of your
appreciation. But it should also be
personal and practical," she said.
4. Give in accordance of what you
demand. Planning on asking a brides-
maid to order a puffy pink number
costing slightly less than a roundtrip
ticket on the Concorde to London?
Be prepared to make a selection from
Lalique.
"If they are spending at least $200
on a dress they probably won't wear
again, and are flying in for you, you
should spend at least $100," said
Andrea Solomon, a West Bloomfield
wedding planner.
5. Make each gift different. Unless
you are a member of the Supremes,
there are few things more insulting
than receiving a duplicate of what
each other person has received. For
those who can't seem to come up
with individual gift ideas, Stawicki
suggests getting a gift certificate from
a book store or a shop that carries
specialty items.
6. If there is a disparity in the
gifts, do not give them at the same
time. In other words, don't give a
top-of-the-line BIC pen to one
groomsman at the same time that
another is receiving an all-expense-
paid trip to Hawaii.
7. Opt out of the traditional
rehearsal dinner as the time to give
gifts if it makes your attendants
uncomfortable. Some people do not
like the pressure of having to react to
a gift in public.
"At that point, you have no choice
but to smile and say thank you,"
Rones said. "I have never seen an
attendant throw the gift back at any-
one but that doesn't mean they didn't
want to."
8. Don't select a gift that doesn't
travel well (if the person is from
another city) or isn't returnable. One
friend recently received a crystal ash-
tray, a thoughtless gift not only
because she is allergic to smoke but
also because it was etched with her
initials and she couldn't return it. ❑

6/12
1998

109