0- For Openers...

3oin the
Celebration!

The Wedding Announcement
And Pretentiousness

We proudly present the
sequel to the Academy
Award-winning film, Best Boy.

last minute and allowed his brother
chairman of the board of Puissance
n a tribute to her late mother, a
Maurice to serve as best man. Mau-
Industries and her mother is the
daughter described her intellect:
rice, the family heartache, dropped
prominent Manhattan art connoisseur.
"She would complete the Sun-
out of college during his second
"After graduating from Williams
day New York Times crossword
semester and currently works as a
College with highest honors,
puzzle in under 15 minutes.
mechanic at a Sunoco station. Mau-
the groom earned his MBA
And she did it in ink!"
rice is pleasant, easy-going, caring and
and LLD from Harvard,
For thousands, perhaps
generous, in sharp contrast to the
where he is now a tenured
millions of people, that cross-
insipid social-climber groom whom
professor of business law.
word puzzle is the measure of
everybody brags about but nobody
His father is a retired vascu-
genius. Not for me.
likes."
lar surgeon and his mother
The biggest challenges to
Now, that's an announcement.
is superintendent of the
my inferential abilities are
Frankly, I like the unpretentious
Dorset, Conn., school sys-
wedding announcements:
folks best. I saw this in a local paper:
tem."
several paragraphs of deli-
"The bride attended Shaw Memorial
Spare me.
cious mystery, each waiting
RABB I BOB
High School and graduated from the
Sometimes you do get a
to be decoded, each hinting
AL PER
Putt-Putt Managers' School in Colum-
whiff of reality, as in "The
at, but often not proclaim-
bus, Ohio, with a degree in Putt-Putt
Spec ial to
bride's previous marriages
ing, the truth.
management."
The Jew ish News ended in divorce, as did the
"Following a career in
groom's."
finance, the bride's father is
Once ... just once ... couldn't they
now retired and lives in Pennsylva-
print a more complete family history?
nia." This could mean that Daddy
Couldn't they, for example, add a line
invested his golden parachute in
or two to the bride's bio, proclaiming,
(A weekly taste of Yiddish}
rolling acreage in trendy Bucks
"Myndi has one sibling, a sister, who
County. Or he may have been indict-
spent 11 years selling leather orthope-
Ehreh iz fil tei'erer, far gelt.
ed, convicted, and sentenced to a few
dic sandals made from free-range cows
years at the Allenwood, Pa., Correc-
outside Grateful Dead concerts. She
Humor is much
tional Facility.
showed up at the wedding unan-
dearer than money.
"The groom works in the interna-
nounced, accompanied by a friend of
tional foodservices industry" may refer
indeterminate sex named Moon
But by telling that
to the fact that he's the CEO of a cor-
to the bill collector.
Crater."
poration supplying in-flight meals to
Or ... "The groom relented at the
20 foreign airlines. Or perhaps he
makes deliveries for an Italian pizzeria.
It's fun to speculate.
Every week, the Times' "Sunday
Styles" section contains wedding
announcements of the nation's over-
"There are people out there who will grab a guy and say, "Sign the get [Jewish
achievers.
divorce] or we'll break your horns.' "
They're all so perfect, those fami-
— New York police Detective Robert Roddenberg, on the spate of assaults
lies. "The bride, a graduate of Sarah
in Brooklyn by an organized group of thugs using fists, stun guns and bats
Lawrence, earned her doctorate in
to force recalcitrant husbands into granting their wives a get..
clinical psychology from Columbia
and is now a senior producer for the
'At Hillel Day School, we don't oy about our kids, we keel about our kids."
Oprah Winfrey Show. Her father is

I

❑

Phrunkgy

Qi uotables

— President Steven Margolin, during the 40th-anniversary dinner dance
and silent auction at Congregation Shaarey Zedek.

Rabbi Bob Alper is an author and
stand-up comic.

WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE
ANSWER (S //WISDOM" HONEg

HMMM...
WISDOM, HUH,
VERY INTEREST/NG

BEST MAN: Best Boy
and All of Us
Twenty Years Later

With special guest
Ira Wohl
Producer and Director

JARC Annual Meeting and
Election of Officers
Monday, June 22, 1998
7:00 p.m.
Adat Shalom Synagogue
Note: change of location

If you plan to attend,

please call the JARC voice mail
at 313-927-0272.

There is no charge.

Best Man's Phil Wohl

1998-1999 Slate of
Officers and Directors

President:

I. William Cohen

Vice Presidents: Ron Elkus

Carol Kaczander
H. James Zack

Secretary:

Stephanie Jacobson

Treasurer:

Sandra Dembs

Nominated for an additional
threeyear term expiring 2001:

Dennis Bernard Carol Kaczander
Paul Katzman
Ron Elkus

Ilowz By You BY Mendel

PADDY, WHAT IS THE MOST
(M PORTANT QUALITh FOR A
PARENT TO PASS ON TO HIS OR
HER CHILDREN?

1

NEXT QUESTION – NOW CAN
WE BEG IN TO UNDERSTAND A
SUPREME, (NRIV ITE 13EIMG
WHAT, J OO MEM LIKE
MICHAEL. TORDAN?

Nominated for a first three-year
term expiring 2001:

Elaine Goldman
Nancy Grosfeld
Gilda Jacobs
Mark Kahn
Jerry Kanter

Gary Karp
John Marx, DDS
Elayne Metzger
Judith Shrenkman
Genie Sottish

A Jewish Association for Residential Care

for persons with developmental disabilities

28366 Franklin Road

Southfield, MI 48034

(248) 352-5272 v/tty

6/5

1998

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