■

29-30

Young Adult Shabbat Service and
Rekindling Shabbat outdoor din-
\- tier before services, Dinner at 6
P.m. , services at 7:30 p.m. At Adat
Shalom Synagogue. Cost: $10.
RSVP (248) 203-1486.

"L.I.R.I.C." and "Pants on Fire," two
original one-acts at Planet Ant
Theater. 8 p.m.
by Dan
Glornski, blends vaudeville and slap-
stick wi
"Pants on Fire,"

Friday, June,

The real history of t he
Young Jewish Humanists tmc
Cost: $5.;(248) 477-1410.

Sunday, June 7

JARC flowerathon, plant flowers`
10 JARC homes, 9:30 a.m.-noon.
Rena Friedberg, (248) 352-5272.

Monday, June

/--

Fund-raising party for JARC's
Endowment Campaign, with Sand
Castle Adventure. 7 p.m. At
Oakland Grill, Royal Oak. Cost:
$75 per person. Cocktails, hors
d'oeuvres and dessert. Rena
Friedberg, (248) 352-5272.

Monday',

Jolene and The Pernice B:o t]
p.m. The Magic Bag, 22 20
Woodward Avenue, Fern d1c
(248) 544-3030.

Thursday, June 11

Help out with Food Gatherers'
biggest fund-raiser and meet
Jewish singles through
Connections. 7 p.m. (734) 971-
3280.

June 8-15, 22-

Sunday, June 14

Brunch with Second Sunday
Sch_rnoozers, Jewish singles ages
25-55. 11:30 a.m. At Sweet
Lorraine's, 303 Detroit Street, Ann
Arbor. Phyllis, (734) 973-8699.

Wednesday, June 17

The YAD annual event. 6:30 p.m.
At Meadow Brook Hall on the
campus of Oakland University in
Rochester Hills. Cost: $20.
Installation of board members,
food and music. Ages 21-35. (248)
203-1455.

Friday, June 19

Young Adult Shabbat Service. 7:30
p.m. At Adat Shalom Synagogue.
(248) 851-5100.

Bicycling tour, Tuscan
Historical Cycling Inter#a
,,
Moderate ride, rollin g
miles per day. (71
#403'
mail: cycling@gte,net

June 16-2G

Kenya, photo safari with Premier
Jewish. Singles. Cost $3,199. (800)
444-9250.

New Glarus bike/camping weekend,
with Steppin' Out, at New Glarus,
Wis. Cost: $170-190. (773) 509-
8595, E-mail: steppin@xnet.corn

hoe 20-27

Second annual national Jewish single s
summer cruise. Sail the
Mediterranean aboard Vision of the
Seas. Forbes Travel, (800) 345-2984.

When Flirting
Becomes Cheating

ear Dating Doctor: My
boyfriend and I recently had
a major disagreement over
what constitutes cheating
and when flirting becomes cheating.
How do you see it?
- Fed up with flirting

Dear Fed up: I come from
the school of thought that
flirting can only be considered
cheating if you are clearly
involved in a relationship,
otherwise it is simply a come-
on. The level of flirting
allowed between two people
depends on the depth of their
relationship and the level of
commitment they share. If a
couple is absolutely commit-
ted and monogamous, then
just about any sign of flirting
could be interpreted by the
other party as unacceptable.

* Your behavior is causing your part-
ner to experience personal pain or jeal-
ousy
* You're jeopardizing your present
relationship.
* Covert communication is occur-
ring too frequently, including pager
messages, E-mail, cell phone calls,
notes, voice mail, gifts and
clandestine meetings.
* You are making excuses
or justifying time spent with
someone other than your
partner.
* You're asking, "Is what I
am doing wrong?" At this
point, the answer is often,
"Yes."

DAVID
COLEMAN
Special to
The Jewish News

Now that we have set some ground
rules, let's look at what makes flirting
cheating. Flirting becomes cheating
when:
* You suggest physical contact with
the intent to carry through if your feel-
ings are reciprocated.
* You say or do something that you
wouldn't tell your partner or want them
to discover.
* You intend to fill a need or void
with someone other than your current
partner.
* You act upon it.
* You exchange intimate emotions,
conversation or touch.
* You violate the boundaries of your
present relationship (agreed behaviors
set by mutual understanding between
you and your partner).
* You are using it as a bridge to the
next level of interaction.
* You experience feelings of guilt
over your actions even though "nothing
happened."
* You begin to feel paranoid about
getting caught by your mate.
* You are regularly entertaining fan-
tasies or emotions about others.
* It is done with the intent to begin
a relationship with someone new
* Your partner asks you to stop and
you don't, can't or won't.

These are just a few of the
signs that clearly indicate that
flirting is becoming cheating.
Covert communication via
eye contact, emotional stray-
ing, subtle gesturing, mental
lusting or excessive exposure to sexual
stimuli (such as computer love,
provocative chat rooms, adult maga-
zines and films) can be a precursor to
"live" flirting and direct cheating.
If, as you read this, you could easily
relate to many of the examples provid-
ed, something is terribly wrong with
your current relationship.
It is likely that you are missing one
or more of the five elements found in
healthy relationships: Trust, Respect,
Intimacy Passion and Commitment.
Whatever is fueling your desires must
be addressed, as failure to do so will
leave you with the legacy of repetition
(as whatever we practice, we become
good at). When you betray the trust of
someone who cares for you, the likeli-
hood of that relationship recovering
fully is slim at best. So before you flirt,
take a hard look at where you're stand-
ing as the grass just might be green
enough already. El

—David Coleman

5/29
1998

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