EdItoR's NoTe For An Affair To Remember Everyone Plays I recently had an unfortunate experience with the telephone. My daughter, Adina, 6, called to invite a friend over. This friend I'll call her Sarah — promptly informed Adina, "But I'm already playing with Julie," then hung up. Adina quietly put her head on her hands and began to cry. No, she was sobbing. I tried everything: all those magic tricks parents hope : will offer a cure whenever a child's feelings have been hurt. Ice cream. A video. Popcorn. A game. Coloring together. No, no, no, Adina said. Meanwhile, like : any good mother, I I was planning ways in which I i could make this child, this insuffer- I able Sarah, pay for what she did. Perhaps the guillotine was a little arsh. Perhaps not. Now I have to tell you that Adina I and Sarah have since made up. Sarah has been to our house many times since The Incident, and Adina has been to hers. And really, I can't forever look askance at Sarah who is, after all, only 6. But I can fault her parents, and I do. This was not the only time when i one of my children has not been i included, and I expect just about every mom and dad on the face o f the planet has experienced it. It's painful; it really is, when another child looks at yours and says, "I , don't want to be with you," or "You can't play with us." But more than That, it's shameful — shameful that parents don't spend more time teaching their children that being i excluded hurts. There's a rule in our home which my children can repeat backward and foreword and in every Ian- guage: "Everyone plays, or no one plays." If Adina has a friend visiting and another invites her over, that second friend is told, "Susan is already here so I can't come to your house, but can you come to mine?" Adina's brother, 4-year-old Yitz, is always included when his big sister's friends come over, and often baby Talya, 1, plays along, as well. There are times when it can be challenging for Adina because Yitz is younger, but more often than not I hear her step to his defense if one of her friends makes a disparaging remark. "He's bothering me! Get out of the way, Yitzhak!" someone told Yitz who was, to be honest, being rather disruptive. "Don't you tell my brother to get I out of the way," Adina said. I told everyone: her grandparents, 1 aunts and uncles, the mailman. I I was so proud of my kid. When she gets older, Adina will I need time alone with girl friends; I understand that. Yitz, too, will want to be with boys his own age. But first they must learn that in friendship the policy should be inclusion, not I exclusion, and that it takes little time to extend a kindness, while a I wound to the heart — the wound of not being wanted — can ache for- : ever. ❑ kA Elizabeth Applebaum AppleTree Editor Music, Entertainment And Floor Shows • Corporate Events • Weddings • Bar/Bat Mitzvahs • Dinner Dances For More Information, Call Stella Actis •Banquets • Anniversaries (248) 879E2373 offers quality craftsmanship in all of our custom designed pieces and repairs. Couple that with the most talented designers in the jewelry industry and you can be assured that your next purchase will be perfect. M.B. Jewelry offers full service — appraisals, watch repair, lapidary service and jewelry repair. We carry many stones, diamonds and colored gems. A Simple repairs while you wait. gatEe LsqlluaYre.D2E98s, M.B. AJpEpleW LTD. 1 wy .. 7 6 No N rthwesternF HG Southfield, MI 48034 • (248) 356 7007 - DESIGNS IN DECORATOR LAMINATES, LTD) IT DOESN'T HAVE TO COST A FORTUNE...ONLY LOOK LIKE IT! FEATURING • • • • • Wall Units Bedrooms Dining Rooms Home Theatre Tables • Offices SPECIALTIES • Formica • Woods • Stones • Glass • Lucite LOIS HARON Allied Member ASID 851-6989 World of Watches In Crosswinds Plaza Corner of Orchard Lake Road And Lone Pine Road 248.539.1181 4 SEASONS FIREPLACE & BARBECUE HAPPY PASSOVER WE WI = 0 W from Spm Thurs. APRIL 16th to 10am Sunday the 19th (248) 855-0303 30903 ORCHARD LAKE RD P E NnitOVE13-1 SAT. CLOSED maxx & hie o p SUlialf 1 q0AM- 4 41 4/17 1998 75