She Says

>

Trudging through Passover to keep tradition.

don't keep kosher, except for the week
n my list of favorite holi-
of Passover, when the dishes change
days, Passover is not number
and rabbis could eat matzah off my
one.
mother's linoleum floor.
Put it this way — by day
I used to threaten — as my mom
five, I'm thinking I'd rather fast for an
slaved
in the kitchen for two straight
entire week than force another
days
preparing
a proper Passover feast
cement-like Fancy Cookie down my
for
the
entire
extended
family — that
permanently parched throat.
in
my
home
as
an
adult,
Passover
Now I'm sure the Jews who fled
wouldn't
be
such
an
unbelievable
pro-
Egypt weren't half as whiny
duction.
as I am in all my 20th centu-
My mother would nod,
ry comfort. But I don't think
and
send me off to fetch
Moses could have imagined
another
dozen eggs.
a day when his people would
So
now
I'm on my own.
include in the rules of
Free
to
set
my
holiday stan-
Passover observance a clause
dards
as
seems
logical to me.
that certain Coca-Cola prod-
Hard
to
prove
I could cut
ucts are permissible and
the
seder
service
down
to 15
Skippy peanut butter is
minutes
without
skipping
absolutely prohibited.
any important parts, when
It's a complicated, sophis-
ALLI SON
no one is around to listen.
ticated world we live in. I
KAP LAN
Last year I went to a seder
doubt if Moses and his bud-
Spec ial to
for
singles. A good and com-
dies knew anything about
The Jew ish News mendable way to meet a
monitoring cholesterol
Jewish mate, certainly. But as
intake. As we are now aware,
a
festival
meal, it made me miserable.
those Passover cake mixes — not a big
The
prayer
tunes were wrong; the
seller in biblical times, from what I
parsley
was
wilted.
I missed the family
understand — require enough eggs to
centerpiece:
a
yellow-tinted
plastic cup
stop a heart.
decorated
with
Crayola
marker
that
I just don't think this holiday was
my
brother
made
for
Elijah
when
he
intended to be a dissection of confus-
was
8.
And
without
the
nagging
pain
ing ingredients that didn't even exist
in my lower back from an evening of
in ancient times. With all due respect,
schlepping
my great-grandmother's
I thought this holiday had to do with
pesachdik
pots
and pans upstairs and
unleavened bread.
dragging
my
mother's
chametz ones
I bring this up every year, and every
down
to
the
basement,
it hardly seems
year my parents defer to the standard
like
a
holiday.
story about how the Ashkenazim used
Friends tell me Passover is their
to make flour with beans, rice, corn,
favorite.
They don't have to sit
C peas and peanuts. Concerned that
through
four-hour
services like on the
people might get confused about using
High
Holidays
and
it's all about food.
regular flour during Passover, the
What
could
be
bad?
Ashkenazic sages prohibited use of
Last I checked, however, none of
those grains altogether.
my
friends bothered to buy those
I can't even make soup if it involves
candy
orange slices that make a
more than opening a can and adding
Passover
meal complete. Most don't
water, so how I would accidentally
own
enough
plates to switch, even if
whip up some flour with beans or peas
they
felt
so
inclined.
And many can't
is beyond me.
afford
the
ridiculously
high prices of
But tradition is a formidable foe. I
Passover
foods.
come from a home where Passover is
An argument can be made that
observed to the utmost degree. We
every holiday is a family holiday. Yet
this seems particularly true of
Allison Kaplan is a Chicago writer
Passover. If I can't watch the youngest
who hasn't heard of Egg Beaters. Want to
in my family — my 21-year-old
contact Allison? Email singlstyle@
brother who towers above his father

and uncle — squirm in his chair as he
mumbles his way through the Four
Questions in a deep baritone, my
seder just isn't complete. And no one
but my grandma buys me Dr. Brown's
Cream Soda — another integral ele-
ment of any proper seder.
I'll keep the holiday, best I can. I'm
sure my practices will improve with
the passing years — they'll have to.
Because some day I hope to pack
school lunches of matzah and Ameri-
can cheese, and be an audience for
pre-seder performances of songs influ-
enced by the 10 plagues — like my
personal childhood favorite, which
went something like "Frogs here, frogs
there, frogs are jumping everywhere.
And so I play along. Why? As a
wise fiddler on the roof once declared,
tradition. ❑

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