For Openers.=

Talking To Heaven
Takes A Real Talent

A slightly sardonic voice from the
But Van Praagh made a partial
t was unintentional. Scout's
rear
suggests, "Maybe you mean
recovery.
"Did
someone
give
you
a
honor. I never, ever watch "The
Max?"
plaque?"
Maury Povich Show;" but on
"Precisely!" Van Praagh declares,
"Yes. My sister did!" "I see it near
this particular morning my
and nearly every person in the room
pictures,"
Van
Praagh
pro-
VCR malfunctioned, and I
leaps up in an eager frenzy. "My great-
claimed; and the woman,
had to stare at something
grandfather was named Max!" "I had
appropriately
amazed,
con-
while taking a long walk on a
an Uncle Max!" "Max was my grand-
firmed
that
"near
pictures"
short NordicTrack.
pop!" Later, it is determined that fully
was
the
precise
location
of
The guest was James Van
35 percent of the audience also have a
the plaque. The audience
Praagh, author of the mega-
dog, cat, or gerbil named Max.
read
the
flashing
selling Talking to Heaven.
Yup, it's all in the math. It's all in
APPLAUSE sign and duti-
Van Praagh is a psychic, a
how you play the odds. ❑
fully
complied.
medium, a man with powers
Um. Excuse me, but
far greater than the rest of us
don't
most people hang
mortals. He sees angels and
RABB I BOB
plaques
near other pictures?
ghosties and other spirits
AL PER
Again,
what
are the odds?
that, apparently, flap around
Spec ial to
Van
Praagh
concluded
(A taste of Hebrew, Yiddish
but are visible only to certain
The Jew ish News each personal encounter by
or Ladino.)
psychically anointed. Like
discerning a hovering pres-
James.
ence, a deceased spirit who inevitably
Der vos fashtait zeta
The producers lined the stage with
acted as a loving guardian angel, pro-
narishke.it a a .kluger,
10 ready-to-weep panelists wallowing
tecting and nurturing the gullible sur-
in their moments of national fame. A
vivor.
He who is aware of his folly
rather unspectacular and somewhat
All of which started me thinking.
is wise.
corpulent "regular guy," the guru of
What would happen if this guy were
the beyond began by addressing a
to address a Jewish crowd?
But you might also say that he who
woman: "Someone you loved died of
"I see a truck, an 18-wheeler. It's ...
is too aware of his wisdom is com-
cancer."
it's a Mack Truck. The name Mack ...
mitting filly,
"YES!"
Mack ... why do I keep seeing the
My heart began to beat faster.
Because I was astounded by his gifts of name Mack?"
illumination? No. I was picking up
the pace on my NordicTrack. As for
Van Praagh, well, I figured, this guy
did his math. Ten middle-age people
... gee, what are the odds any of these
"This is no way to treat a friend."
folks will have lost someone to cancer?
—U.S. Ambassador to Egypt Daniel Kurtzer, who is Jewish,
Later, he spoke to a woman whose
in
a
letter
to
Egyptian newspapers after a government-supported tabloid
teen-age son had died. "I see statues,"
depicted him with ringlets and a Chasidic-style hat.
he said. Ha! I knew just where he was
going. A teen-age boy. Statues. Tro-
"We decided to broaden the market for food with a biblical and Israeli associa-
phies! He wants the mother to say her
tion."
son had trophies in his room. Alas,
—A spokesman for the Israel-based Galilee Splendor Ltd.,
Van Praagh received only a blank
which
recently distributed "Bible Bread" to stores throughout
stare. Oops.
the Bible Belt. Called the "unleavened bread of the Exodus,"
Bible Bread looks like matzah, but comes in honey and
Rabbi Bob Alper is a stand-up comic
garlic
flavors,
with the warning that it is not for Passover use.
and author.

I

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