Crying Is Normal, Most Of The Time > CINDY CAIN Special to The Jewish News D on is afraid to walk his daughter down the aisle when she gets married. The 50-year-old Caterpillar Tractor Co. worker can't even get the girl to go to a movie with him. They're not fighting. Don is crying. Too much, he admits. And he doesn't know why. He's afraid he'll weep uncontrollably during his daughter's walk to the altar. He can't even stay composed during movies. Don, not his real name, wasn't born a crier. It started 10 years ago after he had back surgery. Doctors say it isn't > caused by the medication he took then or takes now for blood pressure. Don can't explain it. But it is a problem. He cries watch- ing commercials and when he reads books or even the newspaper. "It's strange," he said. "I'm a perfectly rational person." When you're living life with a crier or as a crier, it's no laugh- ing matter. One Joliet, Ill., mother knows first- hand. Her heart broke last year when her 14-year-old son wept on stage during a music recital. > "My son sobbed and sobbed and said he couldn't con- tinue," said Lynn, a nurse. The teen-ager had wept all night before the competition because his clarinet was broken and he had to borrow his teacher's instrument. Even learning to play the instrument was traumatic. The boy cried night after > Cl night when he couldn't perform per- fectly. Born criers have little or no control. Tears bubble forth from their ducts when they're angry, sad, frustrated - or all of the above. "We don't really know why some people have a lower threshold for cry- ing," said William Frey II, director of Dry Eye and Tear Research Center in <'D St. Paul, Minn. Studies on identical twins indicate the threshold is not biological. Personality tests also cannot predict who will or will not be a crier. Yet hormones and socialization may Cindy Cain Service. writes for Copley News play some role in who cries and who doesn't because in general, women cry more than men. The average woman cries 5.3 times a month and the aver- age man cries 1.4 times a month, Frey said. Yet averages can be misleading. Some men report crying up to 10 times a month. "And you'll find some women who don't cry at all and some who cry every single day," Frey said. A recent study from the Netherlands shows people who cry easily tend to be low in a personality variable called "emotional stability," said Randolph Cornelius, a psycholo- gy professor at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Emotional stability is an ability to read a social situation and to know when to "clamp down" on emotions, he explained. Without this ability, an individual can spend a lifetime shedding tears. Let us help you be the best you can be with 1 on 1 training at our club. A patient friendly progiam designed just for you to help you reach your realistic fitness goals. Change your life by changing your lifestyle. Muscle therapy and nutritional consulting available. Call us today for a FREE consultation. • Nutritional Counseling PETER 'On INTERNATIONAL PHYSIQUE CHAMPION • TV Celebrity Anchor NIELSEN'S • Programs Fitness • Free Consultation • Muscle/Massage Therapy 4119 Orchard Lake Rd. (at Pontiac Tr.), West Bloomfield ( 248) 855-0345 Visit our website! www.peternielsen.com Assistance for your loved one at lone Visiting Nurse Association Support Services can help you or your loved one maintain an independent lifestyle at home. RN Assessment & Supervision 2 hour to 24 hour care - 7 days a week •Personal care •Medication reminders •Light housekeeping •Shopping & transportation •Nursing care •Sitting service •Wake-up phone calls Caregivers are fatly insured aad beaded. Call (248) 967-5800 VISITING NURSE ASSOCIATION Joint Commission ■ SUPPORT SERVICES on Accreditation of I-Malrhcara aroanizations An affiliate of VNA of Southeast Michigan Since 1986 STEVEN TARNOW, C.R. (248) 626-5603 PREFERRED BUILDING CO. Fax 248-932-0950 Residential & Commercial Remodeling For instance, one 72-year-old Romeoville, Ill., woman has cried easi- ly since childhood. "It could be anything," she said. "Even if a teacher looked at me cross- eyed." As a kid, she cried when she was teased about her Southern accent. As an adult she has wept mostly during family crises. But even a sad commer- cial on television can cause her to start sniffling. "My emotions are sitting on top," she said. "With other people you have to dig down for them. They're better at hiding them." Friends have hinted she shouldn't still be crying over the loss of her hus- band, who died a year ago. But she can't help it. "It's always been that way," she said. "I have no idea why. Every day it's a struggle." Frey said there is no known way to dry up a crier's tears. The best they can do is learn to accept themselves. Building Quality Into Every Project With Unmatched Personal Service. NAM' TER NOCCOMfi MATZ, Featuring Andersen Windows Licensed & Insured Dental Implants The Other Option No Unsightly Clasps • No Drilling on Teeth • No Messy Adhesive Dr. Novetsky, Lukacs and Associates Call today for an appointment 248-553-4740 NIA Implant Group We accept BCBS and Medicare For insurance call SY WARSHAWSKY, CLU. 7071 Orchard Lake Road Suite 110 In the J&S Office Bldg. W. Bloomfield, MI 48322 (248) 626-2652 "See me for car, home, life and health Insurance. Office Phone Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. 4/3 1998 12 1