The Scene
A Guide To The Perplexed:
The American
Jewish Singles Scene
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MINDY CHARSKI
Special to The Jewish News
I
swear, the Jewish dating scene
begins in the first grade.
At my day school, teachers
made sure we always sat boy-girl-
boy-girl, whether going down the slide,.
sitting in shul or eating lunch. We were
even arranged that way as we smooshed
against a wall during hurricane drills.
Talk about pressure situations.
As we grew, the pairing intensified:
Every Friday, a different girl and boy
were picked to be the week's abba and
ema for Shabbat. The boy prayed over
the grape juice and the girl blessed the
candles.
Years later, grandmothers smiled into
video Cameras at our b'nai mitzvah par-
ties and told us they couldn't wait for
our weddings. Every weekend in high
school, boy and girl groups "paired up"
for bowling adventures. Every girls'
chapter elected a "beau;" the boys, a
"sweetheart." In college, we had Shabbat
3/27
1998
76
the admission fee. We hate that. And we
love it.
We know that the next morning
someone will want the play-by-play.
Who was there? Did you meet anyone?
Who did you talk to? And as much as
we hate to give in, there will be a
moment when we think it would be
pig" are two Mingles with Jewish Sin-
nice for a change to show a phone num-
gles events in New Jersey.
ber on a crumpled napkin or folded
No matter where I live, I can spend
coaster.
national Jewish singles ski weeks on the
It's not hard to think of these parties
slopes in Aspen, although organizers
as
a
game, but not many seem to want
warn, "Don't expect to meet the mate of
to
win
the trophy. You've heard it: "It
your dreams, but do expect a vacation."
seems
like
everyone is there just to scope
For Jews in big cities, Palooza-like
everyone
else
out." Or, "You go with a
events define the scene. I'm talking
friend,
split
up,
make your rounds. You
about Shmoozapaloozas, Latkepaloozas,
end
up
talking
to
each other." My most
grand schemes intended to be as popu-
bitter
female
friend
says, "I really want
lar as their namesake, the Lollapalooza
to
find
a
Jewish
guy,
so I go to these
rock music festival. And in the back of
things.
It's
the
same
as
at any bar. You
our minds we think maybe we'll find the
talk
to
the
people
for
a
while and then
one. How could we not, in a room full
you
talk
to
your
friends."
of young, eligible Jews?
"I just can't stop setting you up," a
Few admit to liking singles parties,
friend
of my mother's said recently. I
but we go. There, the force of less-than-
very
much
trust my mother's friends.
casual glances bombards us as we pay
Thoughts on
the never-ending dating game.
dinners at Hillel before going to frater-
nity parties.
But on graduation day, as we threw
our caps up high, we tossed away any
simplistic notions of dating we may
have had. From then on, marriage was
not something that people did later.
In every major American city, dozens
of people devote countless hours to
planning thousands of parties and out-
ings just so I can meet a nice Jewish
boy. For an "enlightening and fun- d
evening," I can attend a flirting wor
shop. There is co-ed volleyball and bas-
ketball every Monday night at the
Poughkeepsie (N.Y.) Jewish Communi-
ty Center and comedy nights in Boston.
An evening cruise with dancing and a
Jewish luau with "everything but the