or High School Students and Parents

eet with College Representatives

(over 32 colleges and universities

COMMUNITY VIEWS

KETUBAH from

page 26

from around the county)

Jewish College Fair

Monday, March 23, 1998 7PM

Jewish Community Center
6600 West Maple Road, West Bloomfield

*For more information, please call 248-355-3300

O An open forum discussion
O Learn about scholarships and financial aid
• Visit information booths and meet with college
recruiters from Michigan and out-of-state.
O Discuss concerns about class schedules that may
conflict with Jewish holiday observances
• Free refreshments

WIN A $1000 Scholarship

You must be present to win.

Presented by National Council of Jewish Women,
Greater Detroit Section, and the Detroit Jewish News

Co-sponsored by Anti-Defamation League, B'nai Brith Youth Organization,
Hi(lel: The Foundation for Jewish Campus Life, Jewish Community Council,
Jewish Educators Council, Agency fro Jewish Education, Jewish Vocational
Services, KOACH, Nation Conference of Synagogue Youth, North American
Federation of Temple Youth, United Synagogue Youth.

TIKVAH HADASSAH WELCOMES
RABBI ELIMELECH SILBERBERG

Tikvah Hadassah education meeting will host Rabbi Elimelech Sil-
berberg. Rabbi Silberberg has served as spiritual leader and teacher
at Bais Chabad Torah Center for over 22 years. Rabbi Silberberg
will speak on the mysticism of the Kabala.

The program will be held at Lori Garon's home onTuesday, March
24th, at 11:30 a.m. A potluck lunch will be served followed by
the speaker.

There will be a $5.00 per member charge. All potential members
welcome and free. Advanced reservations necessary. For more in-
formation, please call Joan Chernoff Epstein at (248) 855-9761.

Stand out above the crowd,
have your financial future
planned by a professional

Call Phase Four today to schedule a one hour complimentary
consultation with Joel Levi, CFP and Trish Wellman, CFP.

3/20
1998

28

PHASE FOUR

(248) 559-6980

'""CFP and Certified Financ al Planner are certification marks of the International Board of Standards and Practices for Certified Financial Planners, Inc, (IBCFP).
Securities offered through Vestax Securities Corporation, Member NASD & SIPO 1931 Georgetown Road, Hudson, Ohio 44236, (330) 650-1660

marriage and divorce, talking about
the basic requirements of a Jewish
wedding ceremony (which, oddly
enough, do not include six brides-
maids in matching polyester taffeta
with big bows over their butts, but
now we're getting into my personal
pet peeves); and, of course, we start-
ed talking about the ketubah.
Hecht asked us why any of us
would want a ketubah framed and
hanging over our beds, knowing that
it was really a prenup. Didn't we
think it odd to have threats and con-
sequences literally hanging over our
heads in bed? Or displayed over the
mantle for all our guests to see? Why
would you want all the negative pos-
sibilities paraded in front of
strangers or greeting you every
night? His distaste for the custom
made perfect sense to me, especially
once I understood what a ketubah
really was and really said. I don't
think he expected much dissension;
but remember, this was a law school
class.
My friend and classmate Sarah
objected strongly to Hecht's posi-
tion. She had just had a very big,
very Orthodox wedding in Boston.
She negotiated her ketubah like the
regular contract it is, and then wrote
it up in Hebrew. It wasn't like my
friend Michelle's ketubah, which was
written in English, and consisted
mostly of new-age pop psych
promises, like "we will always grow
together and support each other's
personal growth." If one side was
less than supportive, there weren't
any consequences specified in the
ketubah. Sarah's ketubah, on the
other hand, was a real, live, pre-nup-
tial contract. It was copied onto
parchment by the same artist who
designed Sarah's wedding invitations
(and who, at the same time, also
designed birth announcements for
the potential children of the mar-
riage — Sarah is extremely well orga-
nized). Sarah had the ketubah
framed and hung it over her marital
bed.
Sarah, unlike most of my friends,
really knew what it was she was
hanging over her bed. Not only that,
her decision to hang her ketubah
over her bed is very much in keeping
with her personality. Sarah's the sort
who likes having things spelled out
and right in front of her. Not very
romantic; but as I mentioned,
Sarah's very well organized and
unusually pragmatic. Her ketubah
really is beautiful, and she likes it as

a work of art; but that's not the
main reason she likes having it hang
over her bed. It's not just a pretty
memento of her big day; Sarah sees
it as tangible evidence of the agree-
ment she and her husband worked
out.
I don't think most people really
think about their ketubah that way
or even think about what it says or
means. Personally, I think it's that
four years of college — four hours of
wedding parallel that makes people
feel that they have to frame their
ketubah like a diploma, and hang it
on the wall. Maybe it's the lawyer in
me, but it bothers me that people
are willing to enter into contracts
without reading or understanding
them. I wonder whether treating the
ketubah as a memento or keepsake
rather than a contract is a "wedding
industry" kind of thing, or if it's just
a natural part of the metamorphosis
of Jewish culture in the Diaspora. I
don't read or understand Hebrew,
despite years of Hebrew school, Sun-
day school and a bat mitzvah; unless
it were translated for me, I wouldn't
understand any document in
Hebrew. I'd like to think that, like
Michelle, I'd either have a ketubah
in English only or in English trans-
lated into Hebrew, which is another
popular option.
I don't know what my brother and
his fiance will do, but given that
they're both lawyers, I can't imagine
either one signing something they
don't understand. I suppose the real (—\
—
question is whether a ketubah is a
meaningful docunient, or at least,
whether it has meaning as something
apart from a souvenir. I'd like to
think it has; but unless the people
who sign it understand it, I don't
think it can. ❑

Publicity
Deadlines

The normal deadline for local
news and publicity items is noon
Thursday, eight days prior to issue
date. The deadline for out-of-
town obituaries is 10 a.m. Tues-
day, three days prior to issue date.
All material must be typewrit-
ten, double-spaced, on 81/2 x 11

paper and include the name,
address, and daytime telephone

number of sender.

