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on with the ceremony. Be sure to
thank the children for their role with
a little necklace, stuffed animal or
other appropriate gift. Thank the par-
ents with a photo of their child walk-
ing down the aisle. Most people, if
they are planning on having children
at the wedding, will plan an afternoon
event so that the kids can enjoy it. If
the children are included as atten-
dants but not invited to the reception,
arrange for a sitter to take them home
or to their hotel.
If children are goinc , to be included
in your reception, make sure you pro-
vide a comfortable environment for
them. There are two issues: One is
that the parents can enjoy the compa-
ny of other adults. The second is that
the children have a space where they
can have a good time and let off some
steam if necessary.
That means a children's table and
hire somebody to supervise them, per-
haps a baby sitter the children know
and are comfortable with. Don't
assume that you can ask a guest, even
a close relative, to perform child care.
If it's possible and makes sense,
see if you can have the children in
another room close by with a baby
sitter. However you choose to handle
it, be sure and include the children
in photos with the bride and groom
and have periodic visits with them so
they know they're important to the
party.
What if you don't want kids at the
wedding? How can you be diplomatic
about that? Bratten has a couple of
suggestions. Make sure you address
the invitation to the adults. If you are
asked directly by a parent if the kids
are included, be graceful about saying
no. "We love your kids but this will
be an adults-only reception. Can we
get together with them another time?"
Sometimes, however, the best-laid
plans are tossed by a harried parent
carrying in a baby.
"People generally do that because
they don't have a place to leave the
infant or don't know who to entrust
her to," observes Bratten. You can cir-
cumvent that by offering in advance
to make arrangements for child care if
a would-be guest protests that she'd
love to come but can't leave the child.
If the guests come with the child any-
way, well, be gracious, welcome them
to the party and go on. ❑

•

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