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Sol 0
ne of the many confusing
aspects of parenthood is
the whole notion of being
("Mommy," she'll say, "I don't
mean to hurt your feelings, but
what is that?"), and 1-year-old
Talya joyously slips and slides on
the peaches she has thrown on the
floor.
Then some salesman calls to tell
I why we must take advantage of a c:\
great deal on new windows and a
neighbor drops by to borrow our
bike pump. Yitz announces he's
done after two bites, and can he
please, please, please have
dessert now ("I'll be your best
friend!"), and Adina wants to show
me a new move she learned in ice <
skating and can she watch
"Rugrats" tonight please, please,
please (she, too, will be my "best
friend") and now Talya is stuffing
peaches into the heat register.
I have friends who tell me they
never sit down for dinner with their
families. "I've got to take Steve to
basketball practice, and Ashley
1 wants to go do homework with
Lisa, and my husband has to work
late" — Call me inflexible, call me
I unsympathetic, call me strict. I
believe that family is too important
to take a back seat to sports,
school and work. By insisting that
we all sit together, if only once a
day, I send the message to my
I children that family comes first.
Yes, I know things will get
tougher as my children get older,
and I will do my best to be flexible
when I can. If Adina goes on to
be an Olympic ice-skating champ, c__/
I understand that we may have to
have dinner at 8 p.m. to accom-
modate her practice schedule. But
she will not be allowed to stay out
skating until 11 p.m. At some
point, we will all be sitting there,
together, at the kitchen table. And
I'll still be serving that vegetable
casserole. ❑
"strict."
I consider myself a pretty easygo-
ing parent. I really don't care
whether my children's shirts match
their pants and shoes, so long as
everything is clean and they find
the ensemble beautiful. I don't let
them have ice cream for dinner,
but I'm not going to force them to
eat broccoli, either. And while I
expect my children to do as I ask,
I admit that on the few occasions
they do not, I rarely get upset.
The other day when my son,
Yitzhak, refused to help clean a
mess in the playroom (for which he
was largely responsible), I said in
my best no-nonsense voice: "I'm
going to count to three." He
looked cautiously at me. "And do
. you know what's going to happen
if you're not working by the time I
say 'three'?" I asked.
He slowly shook his head.
"Then," I said sternly, "I am
going to say 'four.'"
Yet, other parents tell me I'm strict
because I insist my children say
"please" and "thank you" at all
: times, tell them they must pick up
their own dirty clothing ("there's no
maid service in this house," I
explain) and because they must
write thank-you notes (actually
drawings, since they're a little
young for those familiar phrases
like, "I hope we will share many
more simchas ...") when they
receive gifts.
I agree I am strict when it comes
1 to one subject. Dinner. I firmly
believe that a family who eats
together stays together. And so,
with few exceptions, we all sit
down together every night of the
week and have dinner.
Yes, these can be exhausting
affairs. Invariably, 4-year-old Yitz
spills his drink at least three times,
. 6-year-old Adina contorts her face
Elizabeth Applebaum
in horror as I place some dreaded
AppleTree Editor
vegetable casserole on the table