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OPINION

Intermarriage:
Reality And Anxiety

IOC Most Jews see intermar- tion, or they offer half-hearted accep-
tance. Total rejection is the refusal to
riage as a frightening
officiate at the wedding ceremony, the
development. They
refusal to accept the non-Jewish
believe that it will lead
spouse
as a participant in community
to the disappearance of the Jews in
life
and
the refusal to accept children
North America.
of
a
marriage
as Jews if the mother is
Ironically, intermarriage is a conse-
not
Jewish.
quence of positive experiences in Jew-
Half-hearted acceptance is the will-
ish life. Intermarriage is possible
ingness
to officiate, to include, to
because we live in a free society where
accept,
but
it is also the refusal to
religion and government are separated
acknowledge
that the mar-
and where individual citi-
riage
is
something
good. The
zens are free to run their
message
is
clear:
We
would
own lives in accordance
prefer
that
you
had
chosen
a
with their own desires. Jew-
Jewish partner, but since you
ish success in the modern
did not do that, we will
world is a direct result of a
reluctantly accept whom you
free and secular society.
did choose. The tone of half-
Because of increasing
hearted acceptance is negative
intermarriage, the North
and patronizing. The non-
American Jewish communi-
Jewish
partner is painfully
ty is changing dramatically.
RABBI
aware
of
the second-class sta-
The Ashkenazic "gene
SHERWIN
tus
of
his/her
relationship.
pool," which defined the
WINE
An
alternative
approach is
ethnic character of Ameri-
Special to
needed
which
involves
the
can Jewry, is being replaced
The Jewish News following changes:
by a more open and amor-
1. Acknowledging that
phous foundation.
marriages
based
on mutual love and
In such an environment, Jewish
respect
are
appropriate
marriages even
ethnicity as a reinforcement of Jewish
when one of the partners is a Jew and
identity becomes more difficult to
the other is not.
maintain. Many Jewish children now
2. Welcoming non-Jews into active
have multiple ethnic roots. The North
participation
in a Jewish community
American experience is the direct
if
they
are
interested
in a Jewish con-
opposite of the Israeli experience: In
nection
and.
if
they
are
unaffiliated
Israel, European and Oriental Jewish
with
a
non-Jewish
alternative.
identities are being merged into a new
3. Welcoming the children of
Hebrew-speaking Israeli gene pool,
intermarriage
as Jews, even if their
which is closed to outsiders.
mothers
are
not
Jewish.
With multiple ethnic roots, Ameri-
4.
Recognizing
that many inter-
can Jewry is being de-ethnicized.
marriages
are
intercultural
marriages
memories of Yiddish and shtetl cul-
and
not
interfaith
marriages.
Intercul-
ture are hard to sustain in an environ-
tural
marriages
embrace
two
people
ment where they are irrelevant to the
with the same belief system but differ-
roots of many children. Ideological
messages and community support sys- ent cultural backgrounds. Both hus-
band and wife share the same values
tems are becoming more important
and
the same view of the universe,
than nostalgia.
but
they
celebrate these values and
Retaining Jews in the Jewish com-
beliefs
through
different holidays and
munity becomes more difficult. Sur-
symbols.
Cultural
conflicts are easier
vival appeals work well among vulner-
to
arbitrate
than
ideological
differ-
able ethnic groups. They are less
ences.
effective where the glue of family
5. Acknowledging that Jewish
roots is absent and where Judaism is
identity
is becoming increasingly a
viewed as a personal option. Jewish
personal
choice and not an irre-
survival propaganda has concentrated
versible
ethnic
and racial identity.
more on the guilt of betraying ances-
6.
Paying
more
attention to the
tors than on the attractiveness and
message
of
Judaism
than the issue of
power of the Jewish message.
Jewish
survival.
If
the
message of
The Jewish communities of North
Judaism
is
powerful,
touching
the
America have not done well in
personal
and
social
life
of
individual
responding to intermarriage. They
Jews in a significant way, Jewish sur-
either offer total hostility and rejec-
vival will be the consequence.
The existing two alternatives —
Sherwin Wine is rabbi of the Birming-
rejection and half-hearted acceptance
ham Temple.

