for Openers...
Cops And Rabbis,
So Much To Learn
Imi
"The first morning I ordered my
usual — bacon and eggs. So guess
what? No bacon! 'Okay,' I told the
waiter, 'make it ham and eggs.' No
ham. 'Well, then, eggs and
gate."
sausage.'
Nope. No sausage
Good advice. I let the dri-
either.
What
kind of place is
ver and his partner, members
this,
I'm
thinking,
and then
of the Buffalo, N.Y., Police
the
waiter
said
he'd
bring
Department's swat team do
me
something
I'd
really
like.
their thing while I did mine,
He came back with this
which was to scrunch down
orange stuff and it tasted
so low in the back seat that I
terrific. Had it all three
could practically taste the
mornings of the conference
floor mats.
and
now my family loves it.
It was all in a night's work
RABBI
Delicious.
for these men, and my pres-
BOB ALPER
"So, Rabbi, you ever hear
ence helped put some variety
Special to
of
lox?"
in what they cavalierly called
The Jewish News
I began each class with a
their "routine." Some rou-
question and answer session,
tine. As for me, accepting the
assuring everyone that no subjects
invitation to tag along on patrol was a
were
out of bounds and that I wanted
way to get to know them better. After
to
dispel
any rumors or harmful
all, they were my students.
myths
about
Judaism. One student
I was serving a Buffalo congrega-
asked
if
it
was
true that Jews were
tion and taught a course in Judaism at
buried
standing
up so the loose
Hilbert College, a small Catholic
change
wouldn't
fall out of their pock-
school in the suburbs. Half my class
ets.
I
was
glad
to
have a chance to cor-
was comprised of recent high school
e's reportedly holding a
shotgun. You may want to
stay in the squad car,
Rabbi, while we investi-
graduates, with the other half police
officers pursuing a part-time criminal
justice program. I loved it there. The
course was not meant to be an ardu-
ous academic challenge, but we did
cover a significant amount of material,
culminating in a final exam. One of
my favorite extra-credit questions:
"What is the difference between
a)Kiddush; b)Kaddish; and c)Kadish?"
Twenty-five years have passed, yet I
rect that misinformation and address
prejudicial stereotypes.
I had become fairly friendly with a
state trooper who, I knew, was in the
midst of a difficult divorce. On a
morning late in the semester, he
shared this quandary: "My lawyer's
FEATURING THE CAR OF
YOUR DREAMS AT AN
AFFORDABLE PRICE!
CLASSIC SPECIAL
OF THE WEEK!
1993 CADILIAC SEVILLE STS
(A weekly taste of Hebrew,
Yiddish or Ladino.)
Az men hot a shaineh veib iz
men a shlechter chaver.
When you have a pretty wife,
you are a bad friend.
F
Black, Leather
RUNS LIKE A DREAM!
ONLY
$17,950
1993 JAGUAR XJ6
$16,950
Black, Warranty
1993 JAGUAR XJ6
$17,950
White, Warranty
1993 JAGUAR XJ6
$18,950
Burgundy , 36,000 miles
1992 JAGUAR XJS
$23,950
Convertible
1990 JAGUAR XJS
$17, 950
Convertible
tiotables
can still see the earnest face of a burly
sergeant reporting to me on his foray
into Jewish culture. He had just
returned from a police convention at a
Catskills resort and was eagerly shar-
ing a fabulous discovery:
1992 PORSCHE C2
$42, 950
Convertthle
1989 PORSCHE 911
"Worrying won't help. We might as well have a good time."
— Sima Levi, on why she and other young Israelis sported gas masks
and partied under a fake Scud missile at a Tel Aviv nightclub.
$31,950
Convertible
1987 PORSCHE 924$
$5,950
Sunroof
1994 LBWS LS400
"The worst single mistake done by Jews since the destruction
of the Second Temple."
— Israeli Finance Minister Yaacov Ne'eman, on the Reform and
Conservative decision to force a legal ruling on the conversion issue.
Bob Alper is a stand-up comic and
author.
Howz By You
Jewish and he and I have become pret-
ty good buddies. But he's always using
a word when he talks to me, and I
don't know what it means. I kind of
think it's a term of friendship, but I'm
not certain. Maybe you can translate.
He's always calling me a 'schmuck.'"
That launched an interesting dis-
cussion.
And by the way, the answers to that
exam question?
a) Kiddush is the Hebrew blessing
over the wine.
b) Kaddish is an Aramaic prayer of
praise, best known as a memorial
prayer.
c) Kadish, in the early '70s, was the
defensive left tackle for the Buffalo
Bills. ❑
$26,950
Loaded
1994 LBWS GS300
$26, 950
Leather, Sunroof
A CLASSIC OF CLASSICSt
1973 CORVETTE
4 SPEED, LEATHER, AIR CONDITIONING
Excellent
BY Mendel
THIS 15 MY FIRST TRIP TO "LSRAEL,
AND SOY AM Z EVER EXCITED!
ALTHOUGH / 1 HAVE HEARD THAT
THE el. Al- FLIGHTS CAN GET A
1-111C-E. UNCOMFORTASLE AND
OVERCROW DE D
ST11-1.., I TUST CAM'T WAIT TO 6. 67"
ON THAT E G AL PLANE
yOU ARE ONTI46 PLANE,
WE LEFT AU HOUR A60
$13, 950
PRE-OWNED LUXURY,
SPORTS & EXOTIC
AUTOMOBILES FROM
AROUND THE WORLD!
TamaRoFFI
I- CLASSIC
VEHICLES
(248) 223-8459
28481 Telegraph Road
(just South of
Tamaroff
Buick-Honda)
3/6
1998
5