Divorced, With Children

For stressed-out single parents, creating a Jewish home can be challenging.

JULIE WIENER
StaffWriter

Ili

uth never expected to be
spending Chanukah at a
party for divorced Jewish
parents.
"This wasn't supposed to happen,"
she said, balancing her infant son on
her lap while helping her 5-year-old
daughter get a toy Fuzzles out of its
box.
Still on maternity leave when her
marriage collapsed, Ruth (actual names
are not being used to protect privacy)
suddenly found herself back at work
and the full-time caregiver for her chil-
dren. Her friends were sympathetic but
couldn't relate.
"I was embarrassed to come here
tonight," she said of the Chanukah
party. "Very few of my friends are
divorced so they don't understand what
I'm going through. I came tonight to see
others going through the same thing."
It is common to feel stressed, embar-
rassed and lonely when a marriage
ends. For women, financial circum-

3/6
1998

22

stances often deteriorate. And for Jew-
ish parents, the Jewish community —
with its high membership costs, time
demands and emphasis on family —
sometimes can be more of an obstacle
than a comfort.
Enter the Institute for Single Jewish
Parents, a program of Jewish Experi-
ences for Families. Founded almost five
years ago to "empower, educate and
integrate single Jewish mothers and
their families into the Jewish communi-
ty of Metropolitan Detroit," the Insti-
tute recently expanded its mission to
include single Jewish fathers as well.
The Institute grew out of a doctoral
dissertation written by Lynda Giles, a
psychologist who is now president of
the Agency for Jewish Education (AJE).
"Through my research, I discovered
divorced women often feel isolated,
have economic difficulties and have dif-
ficulty participating in community
activities," she said. "It motivated me to
want to do something."
With a mailing list of 400 families,
the institute provides a variety of out-
reach and educational services for single

parents, said coordinator Alyssa Pianen. party in December spoke about a range
of challenges they face. Although the
Herself a divorced Jewish mother,
party was open to fathers, the vast
Pianen sees her professional role as
multi-pronged: making referrals to Jew- majority attending were women and
their children.
ish Family Service and other resources,
Julie, a member of Temple Shir
planning activities such as Shabbat din-
Shalom who has been divorced seven
ners and an annual family camp on
months and has a 5-year-
Mother's Day weekend, coor-
Top
left•
Lisa
Boose
old son, said the Jewish
dinating an occasional
helps
her
children,
community has "embraced"
newsletter and advocating the Jennifer and Erica,
her, but "the most difficult
needs of divorced parents in assemble toys at the
part about being single is
the larger Jewish community. Institute for Single
having to do a lot of things
On top of that, her target Jewish Parents'
on my own."
population has diverse needs. Chanukah party.
Amy, divorced four years,
"There's a mix of feelings
concerning the Jewish com- Top right: Alyssa Pia- started attending Institute
for Single Jewish Parents
munity," said Pianen. "Some nen, coordinator of
people feel pushed away by
the Institute for Single events at her mother's
the Jewish community, while Jewish Parents, with nudging. Although she had
not been very involved in
others feel it's been accom-
her son, Jacob Allen.
Jewish life, she recently
modating and helpful. And
joined Temple Israel so her son could
new divorcees are going through differ-
attend Sunday school.
ent experiences than longtime
"They offer a lot, but I feel like the
divorcees."
synagogue
is a place for couples. It's
Most of the families involved in the
hard
standing
alone with my son dur-
institute are not affiliated with syna-
ing
services
when
both parents are
gogues, said Pianen.
blessing their children," she said. ❑
Mothers at the institute's Chanukah