My MicHAeL

A World Of
Would-Be Experts

through the writings of St. Thomas
of Aquinas.
I'm not religious, and I find it irri-
ast summer, my son Mikey
tating to suddenly have the author
was diagnosed as autistic.
digress into pages and pages of
I've thrown myself into learn-
religious fervor in the middle of a
ing everything I can about autism.
book about autism. Then there's
Trying to do so is like going back
the implication that if I don't start
to college and studying for horren-
following their religious path as
dous exams, only if you fail these
an aid for my own son, I'm some-
the disappointing results
how missing out on all the
will last for the rest of
options I could try to help
your _life — and beyond.
him. I'm left feeling that
Much of the material is
somehow I'm inadequate
dry and poorly written.
to the task of trying to
Extracting what you need
recover Mikey because I
from the dust-filled tomes
can't call on a deity and
is frustrating and time-
His associated minions
consuming. But that's not
and angels to help me
the worst aspect of these
with some divine interven-
Elizabeth Thomas
books: Once these
tion.
Apple Tree
authors have your atten-
And if that's not
Staff Writer
tion, they move on to
enough, I find that once
some thin ice — they
the book gets past its reli
start judging your parenting skills
gious fervor, the authors usually
in general. Some even start raving
move on to general parenting
about how Jesus helped them
advice and judgements on the cor-
recover their children. Why should
rect way to bring up the rest of
writing about a medical condition
your children. All this religious dis-
be a license to bore, judge or
course and general philosophizing
proselytize?
distracts me from the practical help
Recently I was reading a book
my son needs. I wouldn't buy a
about a mother's quest to save her
book on child-rearing by these
child from the clutches of autism
authors; do they think parenting an
when, amazingly, the book sud-
autistic child gives them a license
denly became a paean to the
to lecture me on theories of bring-
wonders of the Virgin Mary and
ing up children in general?
the Roman Catholic Church.
As an analogy, I find it annoy-
Whoa, pal, I'm thinking. I just
ing when celebrities start lecturing
want to know what you did to
us on politics, life and all other
recover your child from autism.
areas in which they think they're
Suddenly I feel like I'm wading
experts just because they're
famous. As I was reading a
Elizabeth Scanlon Thomas is
celebrity magazine the other day I
a native of Mississippi who now
thought, really, just because Sean
lives in Hampshire; England, with
Connery was a cute James Bond
her husband and two children.

Elizabeth Thomas
AppleTree Staff Writer

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in the '60s, what makes him sud-
denly think his opinions on world
events are valid, or even worth lis-
tening to?
Another path I'm going down to
help my son is getting some train-
ing in speech therapy. I (or my
husband) sit in a little room on
Wednesday nights for almost
three hours with other parents as
we try to learn techniques and
tips for getting our children to
speak and communicate. Some of
the parents in that class don't
need any help with their speech, I
can tell you.
I'm there to learn from the
experts who are teaching, so why
do the parents go off on tangents
about how adorable their children
are? Is this a support group? I
don't think so.
"Grant has the most luminous
eyes when he's trying to tell me
something," one parent enthused.
She then proceeded to extempo-
rize on Grant's other fine features,
like his cherry mouth and cute
traits and behavior. In the mean-
time, I'm getting fidgety. It's almost
10 p.m. I've come to this class
after a hard day in the office, and
I don't want to hear about Grant.
But I have to take this class.
Even if I only get an hour's worth
of expertise out of the three I
spent sitting there, it might be a
key to unlocking Mikey's dormant
language skills. And then I can
get to know the professionals bet-
ter and might discover new ideas,
schools or programs for my son.
I hope one day Mikey and I can
have normal conversations togeth-
er. I can't wait to tell him what
I've gone through for him.

❑