For Openers...
COLORWORKS STUDIO OF INTERIOR DESIGN
Never Lost:
N avigational Technology
H
`—,
liar. You just want to get me into trou-
At first, I thought a child had left a
ble." "He did, Daddy. He was playing
high-tech Etch-A-Sketch toy attached to
with the buckle ..." "Liar." (These
the dashboard of the Taurus I rented.
sounds, which are specially pro-
As I examined it more carefully, I
grammed to emerge from a rear speaker
realized that I was looking at the busi-
can only be eliminated by stopping the
ness end of the amazing Neverlost
car, turning around in the seat and issu-
Navigational System, an option I hadn't
ing threats.)
requested but that was mine now to
* Your boss. "Turn north at the light
play with, for free, all weekend.
and proceed seven blocks."
Before pulling out of the
(You know that these direc-
lot, I programmed the device,
tions are absolutely incorrect.
commanding it to guide me
This option provides you
from Detroit's Metropolitan
with an opportunity to hone
Airport to the Jewish
the skills required for pretend-
Community Center in West
ing to follow wrong guidance,
Bloomfield. N000 problem.
reaching the destination any-
I had a choice of viewing a
way and not tipping off your
display map that changed
boss that he's an idiot.)
with each movement of the .
* Your rabbi. "Which
RABB I BOB
car or I could listen to spoken
route to take? Ah ha! Which
commands while keeping my
AL PER
is the proper road to follow?
eyes on the road. I prudently
Spec ial to
This
very poignant dilemma
chose the latter, and as soon as
The Jew ish News
reminds me of a story that
I drove off found myself
occurred many, many years
accompanied by a flat, starchy
ago, in a little village in sub-Carpathian
male voice speaking in one word sen-
Rutheria, where a very poor but pious
tences.
man, a shoemaker by trade, was travel-
"Turn. Left. Proceed. One. Half.
ling from ..."
Mile. Turn. Left. On. Middle. Belt.
* Your mom. Always the best choice.
Road. Enter. Freeway. On. Right."
In
this
option, the generic flat male
What astounding and slightly eerie
voice still gives directions, but after each
technology!
command has been carried out, one
As I became acclimated to Neverlost,
hears a soothing maternal sigh, followed
I began thinking about future possibili-
by, "That was done EXTREMELY well.
ties. My assumption is that most folks
I'm VERY proud of you, Sweetheart.
who opt for the system are business
You're SO good at following directions.
people far from home, making their
What a smart person you've become.
way around strange cities. They ought
Oy, if only your father were alive to see
to be able to program which kind of
how nicely you're driving this car ..." ❑
voice they want to hear, instead of that
laconic computer man.
Voices such as:
* Your spouse. "We get off here, at
Exit 3, Melvin. Melvin? You weren't lis-
tening to me, Melvin. You completely
missed the exit and now we'll be late. I
just do not understand why you can't
seem to follow simple ..."
* Your children. "Daaady. Zack took
off his seat belt." "Did not." You're a
Robert Stewart Photography
As you've heard by now, we're making news in design!
Whether it's planning your new home, remodeling
your existing one, or furnishing a room —
we invite you to explore the difference
in interior design and encourage you
to interview one of our designers
for your next project.
32506 Northwestern Highway • Farmington Hills, MI • (248) 851-7540
■
1 11 11 1 111 1i
Mr, 7X
'.‘.‘
Bob Alper is a stand-up comic and
author.
x:-.7?‘• .
How By You
tJEVG
come TO GET OUR SON
RELEASED. we've AGREED TO PAY
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to
11
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it
‘00
0: ori
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2/6
1998
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