Jewry's Role in
Human Advancement
For Openers...
Table Manners:
Thoughts When Dining Out
Quqstion: What do Jewish women
you can win a few smiles. You're the vic-
make for dinner?
tim of the joke wreck.
Answer: Reservations.
The solution is Alper's guaranteed
It's an old joke, not so funny back
"no interrupting" dinner arrangement.
when it first surfaced. Now, with what
The server will wait patiently till there is
we hope are heightened sensitivities
a lull in the conversation before repeat-
about subtle anti-feminism and anti-
ing all the lines you already read on the
Semitism, it's been relegated to the
neon board in the foyer. Later, while
humor museum's dusty archives.
you are savoring that last utterly deli-
The fact is Jews do frequent restau-
cious hunk of meat, wishing the meal
71 rants, with the women who
would continue forever, the
were accused of "making
server will absolutely not
reservations" more than likely
breeze by and shout in mid-
trying to make it up the cor-
stride, "Is everything all right?"
porate ladder. Dining out
You will not be forced to swal-
offers men and women
low in haste, croak the words
respite from the time-con-
"Oh, fine" and pray that
suming tasks of shopping,
someone in the place knows
cooking, serving and clean-
how to do the Heimlich.
ing, providing a precious
The servers aren't particularly
extra hour in a busy sched-
interested in your response
ule.
anyway.
Once in a while in the
RABBI BOB
It might provide that kind
unlikely
event
that I don't have
.ALPER
of time-out, but it usually
a
mouthful
when
the server
Special to
doesn't. Too many intrusions.
attacks,
I
like
to
shoot
back a
The Jewish News
Note to restaurant owners:
broad smile, an agreeable nod
Want yours to be the most
of the head and the words,
popular place in town? Greet customers
"Tastes like sawdust." If still in range,
with, "Welcome to Croutons 'N Stuff
the server usually looks back vacantly
\-D Do you prefer our interrupting or non-
and responds, "Great! Just let me know
. interrupting section?"
if you need anything."
What's that? "Interrupting or non-
Of course, not all servers continually
interrupting"?
dive bomb their tables; many attend
Think about it. How often has this
their customers with unobtrusive grace.
happened to you: You are in the middle
In all fairness, some patrons can be just
of telling your dinner companions a
a tad fussy, just a wee bit hypercritical
gut-busting joke. You've related it fairly
when it comes to food. Especially mem-
well and, contrary to hallowed Jewish
bers of a certain minority for whom
tradition, not one person has jumped in
dining has always been one of life's
\, l'with the punchline or suggested a better
quintessential delights. ❑
way to build the story. You're cruising
along now, heading for that delicious
finale and the appreciative guffaws,
'Wad
when Tiffany sashays over, pad in hand,
and blurts out between chomps on her
gum, "Hi, Guys. Can I tell you about
our specials?"
Your joke goes on hold. You'll try to
reconstruct it after Tiffany leaves, but
10 0:4.1% , :t g o e0,
forget about the guffaws. You're lucky if
That's right. It just a good
impersonation of crazy.
Bob Alper is a stand-up comic and
author.
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SALUTING TWO JEWISH MEN OF THE YEAR!
How does our country fare today? By all counts the U.S. is flourishing. For
the most part we are enjoying the most buoyant economy ever, perhaps the
healthiest of any nation in history. Productivity is up, and last year's wage
levels climbed by over 4%, the largest rise in two decades, allowing for
inflation which holds steady at a mere 2%. What's more, unemployment is
at its lowest level in a generation.
Much credit for our prosperity goes to several forces that pilot our
economy today. And among those at the helm stand two exceptional men.
Andrew Grove who is spearheading the Information Age, and Alan
Greenspan who is stabilizing America's course through the rough shoals of
economic waters. Grove has been named the 1997 Man of the Year by
Time. The same issue of the world's premier news magazine hailed
Greenspan for his foresight and leadership in shaping our success. We
salute them now.
•
ANDREW GROVE
(1937 ) b. Budapest, Hungary
Scientist/Industrialist Microprocessors made
by Intel, which compute many hundreds of
millions of calculations a second, are built into
900/o of the world's PCs. What's more, these
fingernail-sized chips are spurring 30% of our
nation's growth. Intel is the firm that Grove
built and which he heads as chairman and
CEO. The son of a dairyman survived Nazism
and Communism, fled to these shores in 1957
as a poor refugee and forged a brilliant future. The defining law of the new
knowledge-based economy was realized when he and two colleagues
discovered how to make silicon wafers the perfect medium for microchips--
the world's most important product. In his inspired workand.maxiagethent
style, Grove has been said to combine "a ccnirageous passion with an
engineer's analytical objectivity."
Trained in chemistry while a student in Hungary, he entered the City
College of New York (CCNY) and graduated first in his class. As a
measure of his tenacity and aspiration, he had lost most of his hearing to
scarlet fever when young, but learned to master his science courses by lip
reading. (Twenty years of surgical procedures eventually restored his
hearing.) Grove later earned a Ph.D. in fluid dynamics at the University of
California and entered the exciting world of Silicon Valley in which the
digital revolution began.
While climbing up the ranks of Intel, he relentlessly led the
company through change that transformed this century's technology. Intel's
net worth now exceeds that of IBM. On the personal side, Grove has been
happily married to the attractive and spirited girl he met while both worked
at a New Hampshire resort--he as a busboy, she as a waitress. The father of
two daughters is donating the bulk of the family's assets of $300 million to
charitable causes. Among them are ten chemistry scholarships at CCNY,
the International Rescue Committee and a cancer research foundation.
ALAN GREENSPAN
(1926-) b. New York, NY
Economist Government Official
Also
acknowledged by Time as one of a handful of
international figures who "shaped 1997," he
entered government service after a
distinguished career in finance. Throughout his
years as a monetary consultant and policy
advisor to the Nixon, Ford, Reagan and Bush
administrations—and continuing under Clinton
as chairman of the Federal Reserve Board--his
power stretches well beyond any political or geographic border.
Considered at one time as an arch-conservative by insisting in
fighting inflation by curbing the growth of the money supply, Greenspan
relaxed his position in light of our dramatically changing economy. He now
acts on the belief that sustained growth is possible without pushing up
prices. With a steady hand on the tiller he has helped guide our ship of state
to the point where another noted economist stated, "The Greenspan Fed is
the all-time champion in American history."
While crossing Republican/Democratic borders Greenspan has
proven that an economist can become one of the most influential non-
politicians in the world.
- Saul Stathmazier
-
COMMISSION FOR THE DISSEMINATION OF JEWISH HISTORY
Walter & Lea Field, Founders, Sponsors
Harold Berry & Irwin S. Field. Co chairmen
Harriet F. Siden, Secretary
-
1/23
1998
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