er," says 31-year-old Sheri Benkoff.
"We now have more in common, and
I think it has a lot to do with my rela-
tionship with my nieces."
Doug Cohen, 27, says that the birth
of his nephew gave him and his broth-
er "an additional bond that wasn't
there before. Our relationship is that
much cooler because he had a baby."
It wasn't until the birth of his
nephew that 27-year-old Kevin
Adelson and his sister made more of a
conscious
effort to see
each other.
"It put more
pressure on
us to get
together," he
says.
In addi-
tion to teddy
bears and
Baby Gap
onesies with
matching
socks, the
issue of time
also comes
into play
when a sib-
ling has a
child.

Whether aunts and uncles found
themselves spending more or less of it
with the new parent and child, they all
attributed the change to the new kids
on the block.
"I appreciate the time I spend alone
with my sister" says Josh Lerner, 31.
"Because now there's less of it."
"There's a different priority with my
brother's time," echoes Howard
Rosenberg, 39. "But we've always .
worked around that. And we've gotten
closer since the
kids were
born."
"We see my
brother and his
wife more often
since they had
the baby," says
Marci Bloch,
23. "It's been a
good thing for
our family ...
I'm ready for
more."
It's clear
these aunts and
uncles have
gotten much
pleasure from
their nieces and
nephews. But

that's not to say that the little bundles
of joy don't cause the occasional con-
flict.
"It's annoying that the majority of
our talks are of Jacob," says Adelson,
referring to his nephew. "When I call
my sister, I don't want to just hear
about the baby. I want to hear about
her."
"It's harder to relate to my broth-
er's situation," says Bloch. "I'm 23
and I'm not married. I love children,
but I don't have any. I'm so far from
that."
Sometimes, the act of procreation
can cause some unseemly feelings.
When "Sarah". (who spoke on the con-
dition of anonymity) learned that her
brother and sister-in-law were expect-
ing, she admits she was envious.
"He's younger than me," she says.
"And it's hard when you want the same
thing. My husband and I want kids,
but I want a lot of other things for
myself, too. As happy as I was for
them, it was difficult."
Despite her mixed feelings, Sarah
has become closer with her brother
because of the baby. "He's not really
talkative," she explains. "Now, with the
baby, there's more for me to ask him
about."
According to Dr. Sandra Graham-

Bermann, associate professor of psy-
chology at the University of Michigan,
the addition of children to the sibling
relationship is usually a positive event
that enhances family bonds.
"It's one more way for the family to
be together," she explains. "And it's an
easy way for siblings to relate. There's
no direct competition as they each
have their distinct roles.
"If you had a bad relationship with
your sibling, something like this could
be a positive way to connect," she
adds.
Still, there is also some strangeness
that accompanies aunt-and unclehood.
After all, for 20 or 30 years we've
known our siblings in their roles as sis-
ter or brother. When sibs marry, those
roles, then, must adapt to the new role
of spouse. Add parent to the list, and it
may be hard to recognize the person
with whom you once played
Candyland. It can sometimes seem
unreal.
"I sometimes feel like my brother's
just watching the baby for someone
else," says Bloch. "It's weird to know
that she's his 'daughter."
"We were at the table, and all of a
sudden my sister's got a breast pump
going," says Lerner. "She didn't even
break the conversation." ❑

Inset: New kid on the
Bloch: Uncle (Dr.)
Alan, Aunt Marci ,
and niece Rosalyn.

Left: Aunt Sheri (sec-
ond from left) is just
one of the crowd.
With nieces Reesa 16,
Leslie, 14, and
Amanda, 14.

1/23
1998

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