pride and joy

but that someone cared enough to try
to select something they felt would be
liked.
Everyone has an aunt or cousin that
has peculiar taste or is perhaps a little
out of touch with what children want
— those nice, monogrammed white
hankies just don't produce the excite-
ment of, say, a new game cartridge.
"Teaching your children to say 'thank
you' when they don't like something is
not dishonest. It is simple graciousness,"
says Wohlman.
Children won't often absorb that the
gift is in the giving unless you tell them.
"You have to teach appreciation in gen-
eral," says Wohlman. "Donate a
Chanukah gift to needy child. Do
something kind for someone else; how
many times do we really do that? A
great lesson we can give our children is
that most of what is out there we don't
need."

1. Try to keep birthday parties at a
manageable number, so that chil-
dren can play games, have cake and
still have time to open gifts. Get in
the habit of thanking the gift giver
in person.
2. Younger children can draw a
picture to enclose with thank you
notes.
3 When writing thank you notes
for preschoolers, make sure the child
is sitting at the table with you
Explain what you are doing; and tell
them that when they learn to write,
they will be able to thank their
friends and family on their own.
4. Children learn by example: If
they see you writing notes or mak
ing phone calls to give thanks for
gifts, they will have an idea of what
is expected of them.
5. If a family member expects
written thanks for a gift — and
most older family members do —
be sure thanks is given in an accept-
able way — write a note.
6. Prepare your children before a
gift-giving celebration: Tell them
what you expect from them; estab-
lish a "cue" that communicates they
are not meeting your expectations (a

The challenge for parents, however,
is being a successful role model.
Wohlman suggests parents set an
example with the kind of gifts they
give. If parents are giving each other
huge presents at Chanukah, children
will learn to expect the same. "One of
the nicest gifts you can give or receive
as a family is a set of tickets to a spe-
cial event or plan a family outing,"
says Wohlman. It might be trip to a
restaurant and a movie together or
simply a gift certificate to an ice cream
parlor; but in the long run, it's those
intangible gifts that produce the most
pleasant memories.
Saying "thank you" and showing
gratitude are important components
in teaching children good manners
and respect for others. Experts agree a
child is never too young to start learn-
ing, and these are skills they won't
learn anywhere but at home. [1]

certain look, count to three, speak-
ing their name in a "meaningful
ro-
tone"), and if belayior is
priate, leave the room with
child. Explain they can rejoin the
gathering 46 they find their man-
ners.
7. Don't let bad behavior go
without negative consequences. No
parent wants to punish a child at a
Chanukah celebration --- that's why
hint #6 is so important; think ahead
and reduce your chances of having a
bad outcome — but it is essential to
deal with a lack of gratitude or show
of rudeness.
8. If a young child is playing
with a gift he received from an
absent friend or relative, help him
to react spontaneously. Phone the
gift giver and let the child thank
him when the gift is in use and fresh
on the mind.
9. Let preschoolers dictate thank
you notes to parents until they can
write their own.
10. Teach your children to be
sensitive to the feelings of others —
expressing thanks is one way of
doing that.

—Elaine Hadden

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