She

SaYs

Its amazing
what a proposal can do to a girl.

ALLISON KAPLAN

Special to The Jewish News

ogi; Atlanta and_

taff'ro America

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12/12
1997

72

iris are born to be brides. Or
o the story goes.
But my observation, in
this age of the corporate,
independent, keep-my-last-name-until-
the-day-I-die woman, is that some girls
have to grow into the bride thing.
Often, with quite a bit of cajoling.
Meet my 29-year-old cousin. The
consummate independent. The
woman who doesn't need marriage to
feel fulfilled.
Until he asked.
Finally, the significant other who
has lived with my cousin and done her
laundry for three years proposed mar-
riage.
By the time it happened, I had
given up checking the calendar. For
more than a year it's been a matter of
when, not if. But always, they had a
reason to wait. First she had to finish
graduate school. Then he did. Next
she had to find a job. Then she need-
ed to get settled in her new job.
Excuses, excuses. And I've been get-
ting a little impatient, considering we
all knew who she was going to marry.
In my family, my cousin is the old-
est of our generation and naturally
expected to be the first of us to take
the leap. Enough with hoping she and
her intended make it official. Lately,
I'd been worrying that if they didn't
get around to it one of these years, it
would really mess up the order of
things for the rest of us, who don't
seem to harbor fears about marriage so
significant that hives break out when
thinking about it.

Allison Kaplan is a frequent Scene
columnist whose mother only lets her
date Jewish guys.

So it is understood when I say he
finally proposed, that emphasis should
really be placed on the finally.
Even though I've been expecting
this — and excited about it — know-
ing the cousin who has always been
the big sister I didn't have is really get-
ting married seems strange. She defi-
nitely won't be able to sit at the kids'
table anymore. She's going to be
someone's wife.
- This is the same cousin with
whom I used to draw pictures on
huge poster boards of the house we
would someday inhabit with our hus-
bands. I'm planning to break this
news to her fiance at the rehearsal
dinner.
A little something else to know
about this cousin who has always been
quite content in committed relation-
ships, but unbelievably nervous about
forever. She likes to be different. If
people are playing the Dave Matthews
Band, she's listening to Louis
Armstrong. When flair jeans are in
style, she wears straight legs.
So one could expect this wedding
she finally has agreed to have would
be, well, out of the ordinary.
Personally, I was figuring she'd want it
in the middle of a rain forest or
require guests to wear vintage cloth-
ing.
But I underestimated the power of
the wedding. Once that ring slipped
onto her finger, my cousin was trans-
formed. She has become the quintes-
sential bride, even down to the
Martha Stewart wedding planner.
At first, she played it cool, saying
they just wanted to enjoy the engage-
ment and weren't going to rush into
making plans. Apparently it only takes
about a day to squeeze in all that
enjoyment because next thing I knew,
we were talking receptions and guest
lists. I guess she was just feeling-one

last tug at freedom before completely*
succumbing to the bridal mode.
But I knew I had really lost her
when I joked, shortly after the engage-
ment announcement, that maybe she'd
want to run out and pick up some of
those ridiculously sappy bridal maga-
zines.
She already had three and totally
missed the sarcasm dripping from my
words.
Out to dinner, when everyone as
usual was talking at once, my cousin
cleared her throat loudly for attention.
"I'm the bride," she said, to announce
her speaking priority.
It's going to be a very long year.
This person who forever was lectur-
ing on the excess of weddings, the
pointlessness of devoting so much
time, energy and money to an event
that lasts a few hours, now seems quite
amenable to accepting engagement
gifts.
And how quickly we forget the
preyious brides whose seven wedding
showers were a target for my cousin's
criticism. Now that she's the guest of
honor, bring it on. As she pointed
out to me, her still skeptical young
protege, why would you say no to
someone who wants to give you a
party?
She does have a point there.
I joke. But really I'm glad to finally
observe up close the making of a
bride. I figure the coming of this day
must be nice not only for her mother,
but for all the other mothers who are
proud of their independent daughtei
and yet wish in some tiny way, they
might have picked a wedding — or at
least a move closer to home — over
business school or that job in New
York.
Have hope, I tell them. -Because if
my cousin can find the bride in her,
I'm convinced every girl can. ❑