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makes me want each moment to be
the best."
Resilient people have a quality that
makes them likeable and full of vitali-
ty. They often are expert recruiters of
family, friends and mentors. Help for
them is delivered from many sources.
They drink up support wherever they
find it and make their own good luck
by choosing their supporters well.
"I'm an upbeat person and every
day is an adventure," says Begun.
"Friends and interesting activities are
all an essential part of my resilience. I
lost three close friends and confidantes
to cancer. There was hardly time to
grieve one before the other died. That
took a mighty chunk out of my life,
but I chose to live life feeling responsi-
ble for my happiness and not to live
or act as a victim."

Find out in this week's
JN Entertainment section.

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Resilient people have a different
universe of choices and options open
to them because of their innate cir-
cumstances. Begun helps facilitate
Temple Israel's bereavement group.
She says it was a healthy outlet that
helped her evolve after her son's sui-
cide.
"Surviving his death revealed new
parts of myself -- areas I hadn't
known before, strengths I needed to
pick up just to pull through the loss of
a child. I was never able to make my
son's troubled life well for him. I had
to accept my limitations which helped
me reach new levels of myself.
"I believe in myself and know that I

can overcome even unfair circum-
stances. I had to come through this
pain as a winner, not as a victim,
because I guess that's the way I see
myself
"I was never a champion at any-
thing. Mediocrity has been my pat-
tern, but I don't have to be single-
focused or the best. Being qualified
and enjoying is enough for me."
Resilience is harder to define than
to recognize but, "it is the ability to
bounce back after an adversity or
recover your previous shape after
you've been psychologically stretched,"
says Katy Butler, Networker magazine's.
associate editor. Author Lillian Rubin
defines bouncing back as "falling
down seven times and being able to
get up eight."
Many people think resilience
sounds like another word for
indifference and determination,
like the rugged individual that
"makes it" despite the odds.
But, says Katy Butler,
resilient people don't make it on
inborn strengths and rugged
individualism alone. Resilience
is a complex relationship of
inner strengths and a "web of
relationships and experiences -
that teach people mastery,
doggedness, love, moral courage
and hope."
Physical well-being enhances
resilience, so resilient people
take advantage of preventive
health measures. Well-docu-
mented research shows that if
people can get in touch with
themselves they can control
some degenerative diseases —
osteoporosis, depression, heart
disease.
Vibrant people talk about the
art of gracefully letting go of
certain things so that they can
hang onto others. They have a

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Believe in
yourself.

real sense of priority, wisdom and
resilience. They also know they have
other gardens to tend — like feeling
and expressing gratitude. Zesty older
people invariably cultivate friends of
all ages and know they don't live in a
world of separateness.
Only when we join with others do
our gifts become visible, even to our-
selves. ❑

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