Unlimited
Partnerships
The life of a rebbetzin
knows no bounds.
Temple Kol Ami's Rabbi Norman
Roman. "But it's a little easier than I
Staff Writer
expected. No one is demanding any-
thing of me. I'm just another member
nce, a rabbi traveled to sub-
of the [synagogue] family."
urban New York to inter-
Well, not really. Like on the High
view with a congregation.
Holidays, when Roman did not have
He arrived by himself, as his
to even hold her infant son Benjamin,
wife was nine months pregnant and
now 3 months old, because so many
unable to travel.
members wanted to cuddle with the
What he didn't realize was that
baby.
although they were interviewing him
"I was already active in the Jewish
for the job, it would not be his alone.
way of life; I wanted to attend ser-
"Rabbi, how can we consider you
vices," she says. "The hardest part for
without meeting your rebbetzin?" the
me is that I sort of miss Saturday
search committee asked.
nights, going to movies and eating
The spouses of rabbis embark on a
pizza.
Now it's weddings or bar mitz,,
complicated life. Not only are they
vahs
and
chicken. But I gained so
supposed to make their marriages
much more."
work, love their rabbinic significant
Roman married the
others and raise healthy Jewish
divorced Reform rabbi of
children, they also must guide Top righ t: Lynne
Temple Kol Ami four
a congregation.
Roman with baby
years ago, after a five-and-
No one calls a doctor's wife Benjam in: Loving
a-half-month courtship
to ask a medical question, or
the fishb owl life at
and equally short engage-
the spouse of a lawyer seeking Kol Am i.
ment (which included the
legal help. But congregants
careful scrutiny of congre-
call the rabbi's wife all the
gants). They were "fixed up" by Rabbi
time — asking innocuous questions
Julian Cook, formerly of Temple Beth
about Shabbat to difficult ones about
El, where Mrs. Roman teaches.
the Torah.
She says her husband is "the man of
The life of a rebbetzin varies
my
dreams."
depending on the size and location of
A native of Southfield, she has a
the shul, religious denomination and
degree in elementary education
the nature of the individual. But three
from Wayne State University.
women in the Detroit Jewish commu-
She grew up in a Conservative
nity agree that they live a very public
synagogue but says she is "defi-
life and are held to a higher Jewish
nitely more religious as a
standard because they married rabbis.
Reform Jew."
Does she consider herself a
ynne Ronian is in her second
rebbetzin? Sure.
life.
"Sometimes I do get asked
In her first, she was a
questions, and I am absolutely
mother of four who kept a
the furthest thing from Torah-
pretty low profile. Now, she's the
qualified. I do get some women
mother of six living the fishbowl life
coming to me with problems,
of a rebbetzin.
but I've always been that kind of
And she loves every minute of it.
person.
"It is pretty much what I expected
"It's an interesting role. I
because I've worked in temples
don't really look to be in the
before," says the 41-year-old wife of
LYNNE MEREDITH COHN
0
,
L
12/5
1997
22
Detroit's Aish HaTorah, an outreach
and educational organization.
"When I pull apart what a rebbet-
zin is — rabbi means teacher — yes, I
am the wife of a teacher. And when I
was looking for somebody to marry, I
wanted to continue the teaching role
that is part of who I am," says Mrs.
Tolwin, 37, who is expecting the cou-
ple's first baby in February. "If I'm
married to a chemist or a businessper-
son, we would not have that common
goal, passion. With a rabbi — espe-
cially a kiruv [outreach] rabbi — I
eah Tolwin wanted to marry
have that. And it has been a binding
a rabbi.
unit for both of us."
And last February, she
Born in Bel Air, Calif., Mrs. Tolwin
did. She tied the knot with
spent much of her life moving around.
Rabbi Alon Tolwin, director of
"There was basically no religion in ours
house, but there was always the
presence of God," she says.
She remembers Shabbat with
her grandparents, ."20-some-odd
S abbos candles" on her grand-
x Shabbos
mother's table. When she was
I's barely 4 years old, her grandfa-
ther gave young Leah Shabbat
candles. "He said, 'I'm not
going to be around forever.
Remember God. Remember
Shabbos. Remember me.' Every
Friday when I light Shabbos
candles, I think of him."
In 1976, she started learning
Torah, through Hillel, Chabad
and Young Israel, gravitating
toward Chabad. She attended
Leah Tolwin: A rebbetzin before she found the rabbi.
limelight; it was a little awkward at
first, [wondering] do I have to be 'on'?
I didn't know for sure that I'd love the
role, but it's worked out fine."
At least once a month, people tell
Mrs. Roman; who has straight, red
hair and a big smile, that she doesn't
"look like a rabbi's wife." She's still
trying to figure out exactly how a
rabbi's wife is supposed to look.
"People ask how I like being a rabbi's
wife. I say I love being married to him,
and he happens to be a rabbi."
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