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Platinum Guild

International: 1997

Specialty Award

Pia till LIM Honors/

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WC irks of art. Labors of Love
brought to you by Kim & Frank Yanke

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INNOVATIVE JEWELERS

32611 Franklin Road • Franklin • 248 I 855 I 5525

Donald Zolan. The Six Elden". Framed Catwad Reproduction. 21 x 26. $275.00

Marcy's Gallery is celebrating its grand opening in
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11/28

1997

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tTNGife

child-rearing and work also are con-
tributing to the cornucopia glut. When
couples marry relatively late in life and
have their first child around age 40,
Fred Gosman points out, "it's like a
dream come true." Parents are thrilled;
grandparents are relieved, and everyone
is more likely to pamper the new
arrival. There's the guilt factor, too.
When Mom and Dad both work,
there's more money to spend on the lit-
tle darling, but less time, O'Connor
observes. And when parent-child time
is limited, they want it to be non-
adversarial and as much "fun" as possi-
ble.
"A lot of parents have an erroneous
assumption — that their goal in life is
to make the child happy, rather than to
create a mature child," Bruce Baldwin
says.
"We don't allow kids to suffer disap-
pointment," Gosman agrees. "We try
to make their lives pain free, and that's
just not possible.
"We also have trouble disciplining
and following through. We feel bad
holding our child accountable. We may
even think that it's cruel to discipline."
Blau has witnessed these emotions
time and time again. "Children with-
out limits are like a runaway train," she
says. "They have too much power and
don't know what to do with it.
Probably the most difficult task for
parents is not the setting of reasonable
limits but in holding to them," she
says.
Says Gosman: "But even indulgent
parents are growing weary of children
who control every household agenda,
from what radio station is played in the
car to how Dad's paycheck is spent.
They are ready to take charge again.
This starts with getting the child
out of the unnatural and unwelcome
position of center of the universe.
By devoting more time and energy
to each other, parents strengthen their
marriage, giving that child the best
odds for real happiness.
It is also essential to set limits —
putting a cap on the cornucopia.
Most parents would agree that it's
wise to provide the best education they
can afford. But, says O'Connor, the
father of two adolescents, "it's impor-
tant to me that they understand the
distinction between getting an educa-
tion and having one given to you."
What about extracurricular pot-

pourri — the ballet and piano lessons,
the computer camp, the museum visits
and the sports? These are all potentially
healthy, knowledge- and skill-building
activities, experts say. But balance is
needed, warns Gosman, who contends
that cornucopia kids are often so over-
programmed that they have forgotten
how to entertain themselves.
And then there is all that stuff
"We act as if these possessions are
the road to happiness. But no matter
how much we have given them, our
kids have never been less happy,"
Gosman explains. "Everybody agrees
on that."
"People who don't have a lot of
money have the advantage here,"

The most difficult
task for parents is
not the setting of
reasonable limits
but in holding to
them.

observes Bodnar, the mother of three.
"They can say, 'This doesn't fit into
our budget,' and the kids have to live
with that. Parents need to set limits for
their kids, and it's easier if the limits
are set for you."
Affluent parents, who obviously
can't use "we can't afford it, dear," as an
excuse for limiting their largesse, need
an extra measure of determination;
but, as Gosman points out, just
because you can afford to buy some-
thing doesn't mean you have to. He
likes to tell the story about the Beverly
Hills mogul taking a spin down Rodeo
Drive with his pampered 8-year-old.
When the little girl spots a bicycle she
fancies, she demands it. He reminds
her that she was given a new bike a
mere six months before. "But why
can't I have it, Daddy?" she cajoles.
"We're rich!" The father pulls the car
over and puts an affectionate arm
around his daughter. "No, honey," he
reminds her. "We're not rich. I'm rich!"
Even privileged kids need to learn