My DAd SayS

Nathaniel Warshay
Special to The AppleTree

s much time as fathers gen-
erally spend away from
their children, and as much
criticism as they get for devoting
themselves to their careers, it is like-
ly that not a one of their epitaphs
has said, or will say, "I wish I had
spent more time at the office."
It is the job of the male penguin
to brood the egg on his feet, while
the female "goes to work" finding
food for herself and maintaining the
nest.
While I do own a tuxedo, unlike
the male penguin I must work to sur-
vive.
However, I am one of those lucky
few men who has a substantial role
in raising his child. I also am one of
the lucky ones who cares deeply
about the mission of his work.
In summer 1994, which was
around the time that my wife, Ida,
became pregnant, I changed jobs.
I took on the entire responsibility of
raising the operating funds for a
social-service agency for the home-
less and at-risk populations. While I
had done this type of work before,
it was now entirely up to me to fund
the agency's programs while devel-
oping a philanthropy department.
Later that year, I had the opportu-
nity to begin teaching on the col-
lege level, something I had always
wanted to do. For awhile, my wife
and I were DINKs with time and
money on our hands. That winter,
Madeleine was born, changing our
status on all three accounts.
Immediately after Ida returned
home from the hospital, she
had a revelation about how we,
Madeleine's parents, could provide
for all her child-care needs during
this era of double-income families.
The plan was that we both reduce
our time at work and split the
responsibilities, thus avoiding day-

Nathaniel Warshay lives with
his wife and daughter in Oak Park.

11/21

1997

56

This Side Of

Fatherhood

Where the Daddy track
meets the professional track.

tor, a single mother, with the pro-
care centers, in-home baby sitters,
posal that I work in the office two
tax credits, headaches etc. At least
days
a week and out of the house
one of us would be around for all
a third. In this way, I still would be
of Madeleine's "firsts."
working
60 percent of the time. I
Ida was able to secure an agree-
even bought my first com-
ment with her employer, a
puter to help make this a
large health-care corpora-
Daddy with
reality.
tion, that would allow her
Madeleine,
Amazingly, she said yes.
to work in the office three
who has both
Several factors were in my
days a week while being
parents equally
favor: my employer under-
available the other two.
in her life.
stood a parent's need to
My employer, however,
be with his or her child
has some 16,000 few
workers on site (in fact, there are
she appreciated that a father was
willing to make this sacrifice, I
less than 20), and the same type of
bargain seemed a little more daunt-
could do a lot more work on my
ing.
new Pentium computer, which was
I approached the executive direc-
miles ahead of the IBM XTs (what

came before the 286s), and I had '-
proven that I was a dedicated pro-
fessional committed to the mission
of the agency. I also took a compa-
rable pay reduction.
I cannot say that I have not
looked back. There are many days
when I have too many "number-
one" priorities bumping into each
other. Yes, sometimes Madeleine
takes a back seat to the crisis of the
day. At worst, I do not endanger
her health, deprive her of food,
drink or sleep, or hurt her in any
way other than asking her to be
patient beyond her years.
At best, I take her to the zoo, play'
dates and the park. I read her
books, and we sing songs and play
the guitar together. I prepare her
lunch and put her down for a nap
— and am there for her when she
arises. We also hug and cuddle
and get fussy together.
She is growing up with her father
and mother equally in her life.
I wish I could do more at work,
complete more grant applications
and proposals, network to provide
more and better services to our
clients and think about what I
should be doing there instead of
the craziness that occurs the two
days that I am in the office. I also
wish I had more time with
Madeleine.
I am where the "Daddy" track
meets the professional track. I have
to hope that both are winners.
I care very deeply about my fami-
ly. I also care enough about them
to try and improve the world in
which they live, be it by creating a
new way for a homeless person to
again be independent or by help-
ing my students learn the English
they need to communicate effective-
ly in their future jobs.
I do not envy or pity any other
man's choices or obligations. I am
lucky enough to have been able to
make the one I did with the support
of my wife. Together, we make it
work. ❑