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Lost In Translation

SY MANELLO
Editorial Assistant

O

ne of the hardest languages
to deal with is English.
Anyone who has had to deal
with the rules, exceptions to
the rules and no-holds-barred
spellings, knows what I mean.
'71-) Why then are we so surprised that
! translating foreign languages into
English for travelers provides some
delightful wording?
The following were found in
Anguished English by Richard Lederer.
* In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are
expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 a.m. and 11
`-,m. daily.
* On a Swiss menu: Our wines
leave you nothing to hope for.
* Outside a Hong Kong tailor
shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
* In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave
/our clothes here and spend the after-
'loon having a good time.
* In the window of a Swedish fiirri-
,r: Fur coats made for ladies from
heir own skin.
* In a Copenhagen airline ticket
office: We take your bags and send
them in all directions.
* In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have chil-
dren in the bar.
* At a Budapest zoo: Please do not
feed the animals. If you have any suit-
able food, give it to the guard on duty.
0 English spelling also is a culprit
when it comes to creating pitfalls for
the writer. Here are some classic "spel-
los":
* On Thanksgiving morning we
could smell the foul cooking.
* In Pittsburgh they manufacture
iron and steal.
* Every morning I exercise to
strengthen my abominable muscles.
* Our menu is guaranteed to wet
tour appetite.
Global gabble is best summed up in
two signs reportedly seen in a shop
ntrance in Majorca: "English well

j

I

talking" and "Here speeching
American."
And fresh from the Internet we
have this contribution:
* The European Commission has
just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of
the European Union rather than
German, which was theother possibil-
ity.
As part of the negotiations, her
majesty's government conceded that
English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-
year phase-in plan that would be
known as EuroEnglish. In the first
year, "s" will replace the soft "c."
Sertainly, this will make sivil servants
jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in
favor of the "k." This should Hear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the toublesome "ph" will be replaced
with the "f." This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 percent shorter.
In the third year, the publik aksep-
tance of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where
more komplikated changes are possi-
ble.
Governments will enkorage the
removal of double leters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate spel-
Mg.
Also, al wil agre that the horible
mes of the silent "e's" in the languag is
disgrasful, and they should go away.
By the fourth yer, peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as rplasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v."
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ye vii hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vii be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!

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match the best
Music Reviews in
JN Entertainment

11/14
1997

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