each other and Jake, who is so cross to
U-TURN
begin with he looks self-crucified. As
Even as I keep hoping Oliver Stone
more intelligent life, there is a scorpion,
will move from JFKand Nixon to
a dog who fakes being dead, many
Gerald Ford — finally, a big subject he
nasty birds and a generically correct rat-
can fully grasp — he continues to flat-
tler.
ten us with stuff like Natural Born
Ennio Morricone composed his ritu-
U-Turn.
Killers and, now,
al twangs, and veers from Warner Bros.
This rampage of frenetic riffs on the
cartoon giddiness to what must be a
long line of noir thrillers, including
funeral dirge for an Aztec princess. As
modern updates such as Red Rock West
Photo by Zade Rosenthal two louts are shot-
and the Don Johnson
gunned from the rear
cheapie The Hot Spot
(full gore), we hear
(both more enjoyable
Gloria
Lynne croon-
than U-Turn), seems
ing "I Wish You
to be Stone's attempt
Love." And
to have fun by tickling
inevitably, by law of
us with a crowbar.
cliche, Johnny Cash's
Probably he also
"Ring of Fire."
wished to do a hip
Something happens
swivel around the
to Stone in an editing
Coen brothers (their
room. He's like a
Blood Simple and
manic-depressive try-
Raising Arizona espe-
ing to stabilize him-
cially) and the young
self by dropping acid
duke of cool nastiness,
in a video arcade.
Quentin Tarantino.
Every cheap (but
They, especially the
Jennifer Lopez and Sean Penn in
expensive) film-stu-
Coens, have no reason Oliver Stone's U-Turn.
dent stunt he can
to feel challenged.
recall, he gladly uses, then uses again
Stone beats his pulp senseless. U-
until the point pins us like bugs.
Turn runs on for a long forever, and by
In full entertainment mode, Stone
the wheezing finish you feel zoned, pul-
seems to 'be a man desperately worried
verized (if you don't, get thee to a ther-
he might be boring, hustling customers
apist).
who will endure anything to escape
Like Woody Allen, Stone recruits a
boredom. But boringness still crops up.
classy cast. And, like Allen at his worst,
There is a grim, treacherous blood-
he can waste it badly, with total convic-
bath, followed by (surprise) another.
tion. To cut to the chase (if only the
And there are cute appearances by Bo
film would): U-Turn sucks.
Hopkins, Claire Danes, Julie Hagerty
Sean Penn stars as Bobby, whose
(in awful wig), Liv Tyler, Joaquin
beloved "1964 1/2 Ford Mustang"
Phoenix (funny as a gonad-driven idiot
breaks down near the desert torpor of
who elicits sly reactions from Penn)
Superior, Ariz. He has a pistol, a bag of
and Laurie Metcalf (a fine and funny
dirty money, a bandaged hand and "no
actress, even in a zip role as a bus depot
luck with women." Everything that can
clerk).
go wrong for him, does. He's Wile E.
In the opening credits, this half-
Coyote as a Dead End Kid (Penn has
satirical stinker is identified as "an
the rare ability to look completely
Oliver Stone movie." Glad to know it
stupified).
isn't an Oliver Stone film, because seri-
First, he runs afoul of a garage
ous respect would have to be paid. At
mechanic from hell, played by Billy
least to Gerald Ford. Rated R.
Bob Thornton with teeth as rotten as
Willem Dafoe's in Wild at Heart. Then
he is hit hard in the groin by "half-
— Reviewed by David Elliott
breed" tease Grace (Jennifer Lopez),
slutty wife of an incestuous miser, Jake
(Nick Nolte, heading toward Gabby
Hayes, grinning as if he's in a private
.Mixed
movie).
. . .Poor
For extra salsa there is a blind Indian
. .Forget It
bum (Jon Voight) and a corrupt, booz-
Movie reviews are written by
ing sheriff (Powers Boothe). Everyone
David Elliott, film critic for The
is too much a character to be really in
San Diego Union-Tribune and
character. The performances wink in
other staff writers for Copley
neon. Bobby keeps coming up dismal-
News Service.
ly short, but won't quit. Grace vamps
him, crosses him, they double-cross

"A downtown tradition is
reclaimed on Orchard Lake Road."

- DANNY RASKIN, The Jewish News - July 4, 1997

Open for Lunch ono Dinner 7 -Days

4189 Orchard Cale Roao

Orchard Lake

248-865-0000