JULIE WEINGARDEN

Special to the Jewish News

ou know your single status
has reached a new level
/-
when you get an unso-
licited message from a
matchmaker.
Apparently telemarketing has
gone beyond newspaper sub-
scriptions and the policeman's
ball. So how did this shadchan
know I'm not married? A rather
resourceful matchmaker, she bought
a list of people new to town from
one of the phone companies and,
what do you know, 50 percent are
single.
So there I was being asked my
height, weight, hair color, and I
didn't even sign on. "Are you attrac-
tive?" she asks. "Oh yes, you are. I
can tell."
She can tell. She's heard my voice
for all of 60 seconds, and her radar
isn't registering me as homely. With
such insight, who needs the Psychic
Network?
Now it's getting interesting. The
journalist in me awakens. This would
be great material for an article. What
harm can there be in a cup of coffee?
God knows I've sat through worse on
blind dates. I suppose I could do it. I
tell a friend; she says I must do it.
"Either way, you'll have something
great to write about," she chirps.
So later that day the matchmaker
calls and says, "So I told him about
you. He's excited." (How much could
she tell him? She's never met me.)
"He's gorgeous," she says, then adds
that he's short. "But he does very well,
has a full head of hair and hikes,
bikes, runs and swims."
I'm trying to hold in laughter. This
hard sell is not working, and even for
the sake of a funny article I can't
muster up the desire to go on any date
that this hounding woman is trying to
arrange. What does she know? My
best friends, who hear my every com-
plaint and wish, have never been suc-
cessful with fixing me up.
The matchmaker defends her suc-
cessful record and boasts about her
"individualized approach," neglecting
to mention her fee.
"I'll think about it," I say.
She calls the next day. I tell her no
thanks. She's irritated and rude and
says, "There is nothing more I have to
say to you. I tried to convince you to
go out with someone, but if that's
what you want -I'll tear up your infor-
mation right now." Click.

The
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write a book, we have to talk about
dating pet peeves and offers hers:
"Oh I hate when they call you on
Saturday for plans that night. And it's
ridiculous when they won't pick
you up. But the worst is when
you offer to pay on the first
date, and they let you!"
Problem with some dates is
people don't relax and just let it
be a date. It's like it's a sin to
just think, hey, I want to just go
out with this person once or
twice, period. Nothing more. But
instead, we are trained to have the
"could this be the one?" mentality,
so we tuck our little checklist in the
back of our minds just as sure as we
bring along a tube of lipstick and
mints.
The date begins and you're
checking your list twice before
you even smear the bread in olive
oil and sip a glass of wine. You
smile and admire him from across
the table and think, family-orient-
ed, mature, funny — all good.
But then you realize that he is
rather cocky, has never had a serious
relationship or been in love and is over-
ly attached to his sports car — all bad.
But should you find someone spe-
L I L
cial, someone with a brain, a heart
and a funny bone, and who checks
their ego at the door, your friends
don't want to hear about it. It's like
they'll wait for it to come out on
video. Friends don't even ask for the
details anymore. They kept up for the
first couple of post-college dating
years, but then it got old.
Now, they only raise a brow with
interest should you infer that it is seri-
ous. Usually they need to get through
the first eight dates until they are open
to hearing a little more. I'm OK with
this. I know they are just trying to
protect themselves. You know, not
wanting to develop their own relation-
ship with this person and one night, if
I don't like what he's wearing or he's
humming that dorky song or I realize
to sender "as soon as possible" so I
he really is too skinny, then poof, he's
could find a "compatible, fun, lasting
out of their life too.
relationship."
But the rotating line-up is what
Later, a woman at the nail salon
dating
is about. That's why they call it
was trying to fix me up with another
dating
and not mating. You've got to
client's son. Seems that unless you
meet different people with various
have a ring on your finger you are up
interests and qualities, so that you
for grabs.
know what you're looking for (and
But worse than the fix-up stories
hopefully find it) before you settle
are the actual fix-ups. My friend from
down. Sticking out a string of lousy
college and I always went head-to-
dates helps you appreciate when the
head competing about who has the
right match is waiting at the end of
worst date story. We both had so
the rope — or in some cases, at the
many doozies that we wanted to write
end of a personality questionnaire. ❑
a book. Then another friend said if we

Of Singledom

Just because
you're not wearing a ring
doesn't mean you want cold calls
from matchmakers.

Yikes, so what's her reaction when
her clients' dates don't go well?
Meanwhile, in the midst of all this
badgering, a slight detail is left out.
I'm off the market. I actually met one
of the good ones — and not on a
blind date.
Although I'm involved, it doesn't
stop the flux of inquiries about my
single status. Just the other day an
envelope with my address on it arrived
in my mailbox. There was no name on
it, it was just addressed to "the single
person." Enclosed was a "confidential"
personality inventory for me to mail

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1997

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