Close Up

Single, With Children

Jewish women are opting for motherhood, sans spouse.

JULIE EDGAR

Senior Writer

emmis Lawrence isn't much of
a traveler. She never had an
urge to backpack in Europe, to
work on a kibbutz or take to
the open road in an idealistic search
for herself.
Yet, there she was on an airplane
bound for China, the lone single
woman in a group of 12 couples that
would soon be called up in a ceremo-
ny to accept their new babies. With
her mother Barbara Goldsmith by her
side, Lawrence was embarking on the
adventure of a lifetime.
"I didn't think I was nervous until I
saw a picture of me," she said, describ-
ing her anxious expression as she
stood in a courtyard fringed with
bamboo in Jaingmin City in January
last year.
- "My anxiety turned into a sense of
fate that me and Sophie were meant to
be together," Lawrence said. "I put my
faith in a higher power, believing
everything would turn out alright."

Lawrence's story is not unusual;
Nearly two years later, Sophie
plenty of singles are adopting foreign
buries her head shyly in Lawrence's
children. But she has the distinction
shoulder before squirming out of her
of being part of a growing group of
arms to find a videotape. Then she
Jewish women who didn't marry by
carts book after book over to her
the age of 40 and refused to pass up
mom. "Read," she repeats in a tiny
motherhood.
voice, laying them on her mom's lap.
Esther Krystal of Alliance for
Lawrence, 40, easily satisfies
Adoption, an adoption agency
Sophie's wishes, which also
Esther
under the aegis of Jewish
include tea and marshmallows
Krystal
at 15-minute intervals.
opened the Family Service, said she has
If it were up to her, she'd
doors for sin- recently completed 8 to 10
home studies for single Jewish
never leave Sophie, now 2. But
gle-parent
women
preparing to adopt.
like many working parents,
adoptions.
Home studies, which review
Lawrence, a legal secretary, has
the physical, emotional and
configured a schedule that gives
financial status of prospective parents,
her the most possible time with her
are required in the adoption process.
daughter. Sophie, whose heart-shaped
Krystal also wants to ensure there is a
face is framed by a shock of black hair
solid support system in place.
held in place with a purple barrette,
Three years ago, she initiated a
spends one day a week with her
change in the agency's policy, which
grandmother and four days a week in
did not allow for single-parent adop-
a residential day-care center in which
tions.
children of other families who are
"I felt there was a need here for sin-
members of Families With Children
gle
women to adopt. When you think
from China are enrolled. Lawrence's
about half of all marriages ending in
father, Herman Goldsmith, regularly
divorce, there are many single mothers
babysits.

out there raising children. Although it
is a difficult job, they can do it.
"It's not anyone's first option," she
added. "When you speak with single
women who've adopted, their first
thought is maybe they would get mar-
ried and there would be two parents
raising a child. But then, particularly
with Jewish women who wait a long
time because of their education and
profession, they realize they're not get-
ting married or they've been divorced
and they want to be able to be a
mother. This is the impetus for wanti-
ng to have a family and this is the
•
only way they can do it."
Aside from the obvious challenges
of single-parent parenting — juggling
work and a household — it is essential
that the mother incorporate male role
models in the child's life, said psychol-
ogist Linda Yellin, an adoptee who
specializes in fertility and adoption
issues.
And the prospective parent must
have already resolved the anger or pain
resulting from infertility or inability to
carry a pregnancy to full term.

10/10
1997

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