Preventing Abuse

Project Shalom unveils a new toll-free,
entirely Jewish hotline.

E

LYNNE MEREDITH COHN
Staff Writer

It's All in The Mix

ARNOLD

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(810) 445-6000

10/3
1997

28

ven in the Jewish communi-
ty, domestic violence can be
a problem.
Although many Jews
have long believed that "it doesn't
happen to us," some form of domestic
violence occurs in one out of every
five Jewish households across the
United States, according to Ellen
Yashinsky, director of the Windows
(abuse help) program at Jewish Family
Service.
"It's equally distributed between the
denominations," she says. Also, the
rate at which incidents occur in the
Jewish community parallels that of the
general population, she says.
Now, Jewish women, and men,
have a confidential place to turn to
which can offer advice based on
Jewish law.
Project Shalom, a sub-
group of the Shalom Task
Force, has put together a con-
fidential, toll free, abuse hot-
line: 1-888-883-2323. The
number is toll-free, so calls
will not show up on a phone
bill, says Janis Roszler, project
founder.
When someone calls the
hotline, the call will be answered by a
"Something that's being developed
Jewish woman in New York who is
as well now ... there's the notion of
trained to listen and to make referrals
meeting with the couple a month, six
back to Detroit, Roszler says. "She's
months, a year after the marriage,
also trained in Jewish law that has to
when a lot of these issues are not just
do with abuse ... so if a woman has a
addressed from the theoretical —
question about whether or not it's
[they've] had disagreements and had a
proper to go seek help [or] should she
chance to see how [they] react."
be talking about her husband like this,
Domestic violence happens in rela-
this woman can tell how Judaism
tionships where there are issues of
views this."
power and control, says JFS'
The hotline is not for observant
Yashinsky. In most families were
Jews alone; it is for all Jewish
domestic violence occurs, the entire
Detroiters. There will be "no prosely-
family operates on the basis of the
tizing — they'll offer advice on Jewish
man's needs.
law [only] if you ask," she explains.
"In a healthy relationship the power
But because it is a Jewish hotline, a
and control shifts between all of the
caller can obtain a referral to a rabbi
family members. Occasionally, it'll be
or a social worker.
a child's need that will determine what
"The reason we chose the New
the family does, wife, husband ...
York hotline to hook up to is because
when it's somebody else's need that's
this hotline has the endorsement of
making the determinant, then every-

body finds a way to go along with it
and make it OK," she explains.
In domestic violence, "the abuser
truly believes that it is everyone
around him and their actions that are
forcing him to be this mean. He sees
the way out of not being this way is
for everybody else to change their
behaviors so he won't have to react -)
that way."
Domestic violence carries a three-
part pattern: the honeymoon phase,
the tension-building phase (what S-j,
Yashinsky calls "the eggshell environ-
ment") and the explosion.
"What happens in these families is
that what the [abuser] needs is always
the determiner of what the family
does. Rarely are someone else's needs
more important than his."
Of course, abuse does not only
have to be physical.
"I work with so many women wh,-,
are in very intense relationships, but
the man is not physically violent, so
they don't understand that this
is about domestic violence," -
Yashinsky says. Emotional
abuse can include constant
degrading comments or other
controlling behaviors, like not
allowing a spouse to leave the
house without permission of -\
cutting the spouse off from
family and friends.
Roszler says, "Dealing with spousal
abuse has been difficult across the
board. It's been difficult within the
entire United States, and everyone is
coming to terms with it. I think it's
just a matter of us opening our eyes
and deciding it's time to do something
that's been a problem with mankind'
forever."
The hotline is costly to hook up to,
Roszler says, so donations are welcome
at Project Shalom, 27705 Lahser
Road, Southfield, MI 48034.
"This is a hotline that absolutely \
any person in the Detroit community
should use — it doesn't matter what
they are, Orthodox, Conservative,
Reform, the whole gamut, they can
use this line and have someone listen
to them and be there for them,"
Roszler says. ❑

1-888-883-2323
abuse hotline for Jews.

Mon.-Sat 10 - 6
Thurs. 10 - 9

PASSION FOR THE ROAD"'

the most respected Orthodox rabbis in
the United States: HaRav Pam, Rabbi
Abraham Twersky, Rabbi Berel Wein
and others," Roszler says.
Project planners hope people who
are isolated from the mainstream com-
munity, whether because of religious
practice or abuse, will feel comfortable
calling the hotline.
"Part of being a Jewish community
means being responsible for the emo-
tional welfare of its constituents," says
Rabbi Steven Weil of Young Israel-
Oak Park, where Baltimore's Rabbi
Zvi Hersh Weinreb spoke on Sept. 21
to kick-off the new hotline. Weinreb is
a rabbinic authority on domestic vio-
lence.
"One of the major focuses of the
talk was on sensitizing couples prior to
marriage," Weil says. Ideally, pre-mari-
tal rabbinic counseling should include
discussions of domestic violence pre-
vention and how to handle conflict,
he adds.

Gratiot Ave. at 12 Mile Road
Roseville, MI 48066
Fax (810) 771-7340