Pter , 041,'

so they won't become problems for
their children."
Interesting, while Russo set out to
write her book for mothers-in-law,
she had an equally enthusiastic
response from daughters-in-law. The
book may be slanted more toward
mothers and daughters-in-law than
at their male counterparts for the
same reason that there will be no
sequel on "how to be the perfect
father-in-law." Males generally don't
get into trouble, shelsays.

Three-inch duct
tape over the
month.

"I see a lot of women who are in
important professions or running cor-
porations, but their personal lives are a
disaster. Most men, on the other hand,
only want peace of mind and the
remote control. It's the women - we
are the competitive ones."
Russo also reminds mothers-in-law
who are still reeling from their role
change after the wedding that it is nor-
mal to wonder "when did my child
stop being my business and who forgot
to tell me?" She recommends building
the in-law relationship slowly, letting it
evolve naturally. Often the only role
model the young bride has is the treat-
ment her own mother gave her moth-
er-in-law, which might have been less
than perfect.
Also consider the relationship
between the parent and son or daugh-
ter. "Don't always assume it's the in-
law that keeps the couple from visiting
on the holidays," she says. Often the
in-law takes the cue from the spouse's
feelings toward his or her parents.
Russo advises mothers to look at sit-
uations from the married child's point
of view. "When my daughter-in-law
ept criticizing my son for driving
away after she left her purse in his car,
I wanted to kill her. 'You left your
purse in the car,' I felt like telling her.
But then I realized she was furious at
her husband, not my son. Once I took
that position, my whole attitude
changed. I was trying to protect my
son from his own wife."
Another good piece of advice is:
Don't fall into the trap of being too
protective and taking your child's com-
plaints too seriously.
"Most people complain about the

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10/3
1997

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