Roommate Living
In Harmony?

Young adults tell of nightmares and successes in post-college shared quarters. 71:

LYNNE MEREDITH COHN

StaffWriter

E

owever you look at it, it's
not easy to live with other
people. Although we may
have grown up in some
ways after college, roommate living is
one area where many of us are still
lacking.
Tanya Mazor-Posner, a Campaign
associate at the Jewish Federation of
Metropolitan Detroit, says, "When
you get out of college, you want to
live in a setting that's suitable to your
lifestyle. In college, it's almost like
you're living something that you nor-
mally wouldn't [because it's only four
years]. You're more tolerant because
you have basically no choice."
Lawyer Sheri Benkoff, 31, says she
couldn't live with someone who would
not share food or split the bills. "This is
my home and their home. I always
share the food because they ought to be
comfortable to reach into the cupboard
or refrigerator and eat without worry"
Jeff Cymerint, 30, split the bills
down the middle with roommates. At
the last place he lived, the bills were in
the owner's name. "He would pay
them, and we would pay him."
Of course, there are pitfalls. "When
I was [living] in Waterford, I came
home one day in the fall, and it was
57 degrees in the house because the
guy who paid all the bills forgot to
pay the heat bill. I called the guy
[from] under the covers, shivering."
Gershon Askenazy, 25, a commer-
cial real estate broker, says, "Usually
the most responsible person in the
house takes the brunt of all the pay-
ment of bills." Does that person get
annoyed? "Absolutely." Do the guys
fight about it? 'Absolutely"
Food? Cymerint, "not the greatest
cook," ate out. But if there's food in
the house, they all chip in. Steve
Cohen, 31, a lawyer, agrees. "Usually
we just share — I lived with an
accountant for about four years, so he

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basically told me what I had to pay
and I gave him a check."
Cleaning is another story. Robbie
Sherman, 30, director of marketing
for Grubb & Ellis in Southfield, says,
"It's nice to think that in a perfect sit-
uation you will always clean up after
yourself and then pick a day when you
can do a real good cleaning of the
apartment."
Sherman, a "neat freak," says her
"nightmare situation" involved a dirty
roommate. "She was absolutely dis-
gusting, would pile dishes in the sink
until there were no dishes left, leave
things in her bathroom that [would
make] your skin crawl."
When he lived with his friend
Nancy, Cymerint remembers the dish-
es piling up in the sink until he could-
n't see the bottom. They had a joke
that after the last dish was cleaned,
they'd find Jimmy Hoffa in the sink.
When Cohen lived with room-
mates, he would clean only when his
parents came to visit.
Says Cymerint, "It depends on the
situation. If I live with someone who's
really clean, I'm cleaner. If I live with
someone who's a slob, I'm sloppier."
Not true for Askenazy. On at least
two occasions, one roommate refused

to do dishes. "I would take
all the dirty dishes, put
them in a bag and stick
them in his bed. He didn't
care. He'd put 'em back in a
paper bag, dirty, and stick
'em back in the kitchen. We
ran out of dishes all the time;
We didn't have dishes for
weeks."
"In a different
house, rather than
cleaning the shower,
everyone bought flip
flops and showered in
shoes for like three
months until some-
one's girlfriend would
clean it. Most of our
friends don't clean
still, but hire someone
to clean for them."
If male roommates were friends to
begin with, they stay friends in the
end, Ashkenazy says. "We don't care
that much. None of it's important
enough to sacrifice friendship." Not
always true for women.
Cymerint says, "With guys it's dif-
ferent than girls. Girls are more metic-
ulous. Every person I've ever lived
with, I still maintained a friendship
with. You don't see that with women
— lived with each other, and then
they're done."
Cohen says he and his roommates
never took things too seriously "Guys
don't get upset — we don't even care,
it's so unimportant. It's a place to hang
out:"
Robbie Sherman's first roommate
after college was her best friend.
They lived together for three years.
"We just meshed, never argued,
never had any problems when it
came to boyfriends or living situa-
tions. I think that's really rare
because it's hard to find a good room-
mate. Guys are much more laid-back
than girls are when it comes to living
together."
What's the inherent difference

between the way the sexes live? "I
never wore my roommate's clothes,"
Cohen jokes. "Sometimes we would
hang out, other times we wouldn't.
We never took it seriously"
Steve Cohen knew all of his room-
mates before he lived with them. But
Sheri Benkoff, who put an ad in The
Jewish News and called a roommate
service, says "it's a lot harder than you
think" to find a roommate.
In college, Benkoff learned the hard
way about bad roommates. "I had a
roommate who used to steal from me
— she hogged 90 percent of the clos-
et, we had screaming matches, almost
got into a fist fight. I joined a sorority
to get away from her."
\
Through sorority living, with 36
other women constantly around, she
learned how to be a good roommate.
"[You must] be respectful because
you're sharing common bathrooms,
eating areas."
Benkoff and her roommate "get
along very well," and they split things
down the middle. While she probably
does more cleaning, her roommate hu
to deal with piles of mail that Benkoff
leaves on the kitchen table.