For Openers_

ZOA
BALFOUR

Pain Of Puns

RABBI BOB ALPER
Special to the Jewish News

c

onfession can be cleansing.
Cathartic. Rehabilitative.
And public confession can be
even more powerfully purify-

ing.
Here's mine. I used to make puns.
I was a real "punster." A fall-down
subdued giggle "punny" kind of guy.
My affliction knew no bounds.
Punning is a disease with an alarm-
ing high incidence among Jews, who
love to toy with language. It reaches
epidemic proportions among rabbis,
who have opportunities to toy with
language more often than many others.
Frequently the orators telegraph the
upcoming intellectual twists and turns
by announcing, "no pun intended"
which means, quite simply, "pun
• intended."
But congregational life allowed me
to hit my full stride, and the years at
the beginning of multi-year contracts
found
me more relaxed and unafraid
• _
to plumb the depths of my affliction.
-
An example: gentile visitors often
joined us for worship. Following the
services I enjoyed greeting them and
setting aside time to answer their
questions. One night, a teen-age
member of a church group asked
about "cabbage." He had heard the
word "cabbage" repeated often and
didn't have a clue what it meant. I was
puzzled for a moment, wondering if
• possibly the kid had wandered into a
recipe swap for prokes (stuffed cab-
bage), but then it dawned on me. The
word wasn't cabbage at all. It was
1 Shabbos. "Good Shabbos" is what his
unaccustomed ear had picked up.
I quickly set him straight. But (for-
give me), I couldn't resist adding, "Of
-- course, maybe what you heard wasn't
• `cabbage' or `Shabbos' at all, but actu-
ally some version of 'Lettuce pray.'"
(It gets worse. Read on, if you
think you can take it).
Our synagogue met in an old man-
sion that had been adapted to our
needs. The addition of a new space
meant that we ended up with two
decent-size pass-through rooms suit-
able for smaller receptions. Since we
\ had no big givers after whom the facil-
ities could be named, we just called
them "the religious school foyer" and
"the sanctuary foyer," and following
• b'nai mitzvah ceremonies the two fam-
/—'ilies would head off individually, one
to each room.
Announcement time, my moment
of true glory.

/--

64

"Please join with the families for
kiddush. The Goldenbergers will gath-
er in the religious school foyer, and
the Settlemans will assemble in the
sanctuary foyer. Visitors, kindly note,
ours is the only synagogue in the
world through which you can run
yelling, 'Foyer, Foyer."'
Well, those days are behind me. No
more puns. On to better humor, new
avocations, less dangerous hobbies like
skiing.
And by the way: you do know how
Jewish skiers greet one another, don't
you?
They say, "Sla-lom."

6748erybff tite
100 YEARS OF POLITICAL ZIONISM

at the Oeautfui
DETROIT OPERA HOUSE

Two-time Broadway Tony Award
nominee, star of the Broadway smash-
hit musical Crazy for You, described as
"Danny Kaye, Menashe Skulnick and
Al Jolson wrapped into one."

Starred in The Golden Lanch
Guys & Dolls, Oklahoma, etc.

"An exuberant, joyful, power-packed
talent."
- Miami Sentinel

Ilowz By Ton

Israel's "First Lady of Song"

Commented Israel's leading newspaper Yediot
Ahronot "A tiny figure on a large stage, and

HEY VAP,63I-IEN MOSES PARTED
THE RCP SEA, WAS RE
WEARING HIS COAT OF
MCIM COL.ORS?

suddenly she began to grow like a genie out of
Aladdin's lamp. She filled the stage and held
the audience spellbound."

A Berlin newspaper wrote:
"... her voice — warm, sorrowful,
passionate, mischievous — fascinates the
audience for every second of her
program."

SON,IIM SURPRISED AT JOU,
WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
OF COURSE HE tJA5N'T
'''.

WEARING A COAT OF
MAN J COCORS!
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SEE, I Tot,p y ou

HE CJOULINT FALL FOR IT

MARION H. LEI

Program Book
Chair
4427: •
SENZ

•

9/26
1997

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