Confusion In The Classroom
Jewish educators adapt strategies in response to growing
numbers of students from interfaith homes.
JULIE WIENER STAFF WRITER
Cracking The Door
Conservative and Orthodox shuls allow only
Jews to be members — but they encourage
intermarrieds to come in and learn.
LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER
bile few intermarrieds join Conservative or Ortho-
fusion, and sometimes spotty Jewish home life, can cre-
or all couples, conflicts about child-rearing can be the
dox shuts, most of those synagogues say their doors
ate problems for teachers.
are open to anyone who wants to learn about Ju-
greatest stressors in a marriage.
"The biggest thing that comes up is Christmas, and,
But for interfaith couples, these conflicts are fre-
daism.
hopefully, the teachers are all accepting of what the kids
quently rooted in different religious and cultural val-
Here are some of their perspectives:
do
at
home,"
she
said.
"I
encourage
them
to
be
accepting;
ues. And, when the parents send confusing messages to
the children, the confusion can spill over from the home you can't tell people how to live at home. Some of the kids Bais Chabad, Farmington Hills (Orthodox)
don't do a lot [that's] Jewish at home, so there's not a lot
Rabbi Chaim Bergstein leads conversion classes and
into the classroom.
some kids from ful- courses about Judaism at his Lubavitch shul. "I realize
Conservative synagogues, which attract few intermar- of reinforcement ... that's also true for something
at home."
very clearly that we have a major problem of assimilation,
ried families, report little change in the number of their ly Jewish homes, but most of them do
Teacher sensitivity and awareness is key, says Sue Stet- and therefore it has to be dealt with very gently. I'm not
Hebrew school students from mixed backgrounds. But Re-
the Interfaith Connection, a new program at all in a movement of rejection of people who come to me
form and Humanistic synagogues — many of which have tner, director of
jointly launched by Jewish Family Services and ask my advice," he says.
been welcoming intermarried couples — ,
and the Agency for Jewish Education.
"But the flow of my approach to them is to explain the
now find themselves facing classroom chat- I
Through her work as coordinator of the need for Jewish people to marry with Jews, and if they're
lenges that never came up in the past. g
AJE's Stepping Stones to a Jewish Me, she insistent that they have to, then I would encourage them
Holidays are often the most blatant trig- )"..)
provided some consulting for Hebrew school to convert — otherwise if they don't ... they may satisfy
ger of tension and confusion, says Janet ic- 1- 1
teachers, but Stainer says there is a grow- themselves but they tragically affect their children."
Moses, director of education at Congrega- '--'
ing need for widespread teacher training in
The prohibition against intermarriage is not a de-
tion Shir Tikvah. Roughly half of her L
the area of intermarriage.
nominational question; rather, it's Jewish law, Bergstein
school's students come from interfaith
`The issues that come up in the classroom says. "We did not make those laws; those laws are found
homes, and she says tact is essential. ,g,
now are different from 20 years ago," she in the Talmud, laws all Jews sanctify as holy." The Book
"Kids sometimes mention Christmas or ,±
said. 'What was once assumed as a Jew- of Ezra rejects intermarriage in very harsh terms, he not-
Easter in classes," she said. "We handle
ish experience, and memories consistent
that by saying, 'Yes, but this is a Jewish
with that experience, [do] not exist in the to- ed. "This is not something any Orthodox Jew has the abil-
school and here we discuss Jewish things.'
tality today. There has to be sensitivity, ity to change, nor can any Orthodox rabbi. We have to
Never a pejorative, never a criticism. We
awareness, tolerance — you have to under- follow the halacha. If people believe that the Torah is
avoid criticizing other relatives."
stand where people are coming from."
transmitted by God, then they cannot change the law. I
Temple Israel's education director, Fran
But, parents need to be brought in as am accepting of them as people and before I even talk
Pearlman, has a similar approach when
well, say educators, who stress that, when about the halachic questions, I make sure that I know
students bring up things like Christmas Fran Pearlman: M ake kids feel
both parents agree on the child's Jewish ed- them and I know their interests and I understand them
ism.
grounded
in
Juda
trees or Easter egg hunts.
ucation, conflicts are less likely to arise, and as best I can, and really have their best interest at heart."
"We attempt to make kids feel grounded
more
easily
resolved.
in Judaism, but not to negate anything else," she said. "We
Most educators agree that limiting formal religious/cul- Young Israel-Oak Park (Orthodox)
talk about the fact that you can share in someone else's
tural
education to Judaism is an important first step.
Rabbi Steven Weil says membership at his shul is "re-
celebration, and it doesn't mean it's yours. Just like you
"Where you run into problems, is when the child is com- stricted to Jews, but anybody who wants to investigate
can go to other people's birthday parties, have fun and eat
ing to Sunday school [here] one week and a church-ori- knowledge of God" can sign up for synagogue classes. "To
cake, but you don't open the presents."
ented Sunday school the other week," said Marilyn Wolfe, be an official member, you have to have a Jewish moth-
But Pearlman says the issues go deeper than holidays;
frequently children of mixed marriages become confused director of the Jewish Parents Institute (JPI), a secular er or an Orthodox conversion."
Jewish Sunday school. 'Then, you have a very confused
about their own loyalties, fearing that their Jewish iden-
Congregation B'nai David (Traditional)
child."
tity is a rejection of their non-Jewish parent.
Rabbi Milton Ann says, "B'nai David is now in a peri-
Although JPI accepts children who are educated in two
"Often kids are torn," said Pearlman. "We help them
od of transition ... and consequently, has not been able to
faiths,
and
tries
to
be
sensitive
to
the
feelings
of
non-Jew-
understand that their parents have already made the de-
ish family members, Wolfe stresses that "We tell people function as a full service congregation (school, classes,
cision [by sending them to a Jewish school] and, just be-
etc.)." Membership is comprised "mostly of older people."
cause you live as a Jew, doesn't mean you love the other that this is a Jewish school, with no ifs ands or buts. When
The congregation follows a policy "which has been
they enroll their kids here, they have to know we are teach-
parent any less."
eschewed by other Conservative congregations, moving
ing
from
a
Jewish
perspective
only."
According to Pearlman, "giving them a forum to talk
to the left religiously and ritually — B'nai David choos-
At its 1995 biennial conference, the Reform movement's
about it is often the battle," because when children aren't
Union of American Hebrew Congregations resolved to es- es to remain in the traditional mainstream."
able to verbalize these anxieties, they often "act out" by
tablish a clearly articulated policy that offers enrollment
misbehaving in Hebrew school.
in Reform religious schools only to children who are not Adat Shalom Synagogue (Conservative)
Marcia Leibson, education director at Temple Emanu-
Recognizing "what love can mean in the world, and
receiving formal religious education in any other religion.
El, is not sure how many of her students are products of
what it can mean to have a person come to Judaism
However,
most
local
Reform
educators
do
not
actually
mixed marriages, but she knows that their identity con-
forbid students receiving other religious schooling through gradual understanding," Rabbi Efry Spectre's
from enrolling in their schools. But they say such shul has been part of the Stepping Stones to a Jewish Me
outreach program. The shul has intermarried members.
incidents are rare.
"If someone comes and tells me they are getting a "The Jewish partner is the member of the congregation.
dual education, I would talk to their parents, and to The non-Jewish partner is welcome to attend and be part
the clergy, and try to explain that it's not in the best of activities, but is not a member of the synagogue, doesn't
interest of the child," said Temple Israel's Pearlman. have a vote, because that person has elected not to be —
However, she said she knew of only two such cases in not because we are keeping that person out, but because
her teaching career, and that Temple Israel has no that person has elected not to come in. We are interest-
ed of course in the education of children."
official policy on dual education.
But even when the children are educated only in
(Conservative)
Judaism, educators stress that both parents need to Beth Abraham Hillel Moses
Rabbi Aaron Bergman says BAI-IM has relatively few
be supportive and involved. Shir Tikvah's Moses says
intermarried members. 'The issue that we have that the
she does this by stressing family education. "One of
the things we've tried to do from the beginning, is to Reform don't have, is that if it's an intermarried couple,
have some time for parallel education, to prepare the just the Jewish partner can technically be the member
parents for what's going on in the classroom and how of the synagogue," he says. "Some people can be put off
to reinforce it at home." ❑
page 62
F
PHOTO BY KRISTA HU SA
'.: ,`,
,
Janet Moses: Tact is essential.
CRACKING THE DOOR