Having It Both Ways

Numbers Increasing?

A publication about making two-religion families grows in circulation and ideas.

According to two surveys, local and national
intermarriage rates are going up, but the
data may be misleading.

LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER

S

ometimes, Joan Hawxhurst is surprised by how ple ceremonies, how to decide, how to choose clergy, how
well her interfaith newsletter, Dovetail: A Journal to work with two sets of in-laws," Hawxhurst said.
by and for Jewish I Christian Families, is doing.
The book is available at bookstores and through Dove-
While she knew there existed a need for resources tail's catalog.
on leading a dual-religion life, she did not realize ex-
Dovetail also published a book geared to children of in-
actly how great that need was.
terfaith marriages, called Bubbe and Gram, which de-
In its sixth year of publication, the 16-page journal buted last November and was nominated for a Benjamin
has about 1,500 subscribers, compared with the 150-200
Franklin Award for independent publishing.
it started with, Hawxhurst says.
In just the 16 pages that the newsletter fills, Hawx-
Back then, "It seemed everybody in the field agreed hurst admits, "it's impossible to include all the different
there was a need for something like Dovetail." She made opinions on intermarriage in every issue." Now, Dovetail
those experts members of Dovetail's editorial board, and aims to look at all sides of intermarriage in each calen-
sent out fliers to couples who had been involved in re- dar year, as opposed to each issue.
search or contacted authors of books on interfaith rela-
For example, in 1995, one issue focused on raising kids
with two religions, and a separate issue looked at choos-
tionships. The rest is history.
In the summer of '92, Hawxhurst, a United Methodist ing a single faith for kids.
who worked as a free-lance writer, and her Jewish hus-
"We have been accused of catering to interfaith cou-
band, Steve Bertman, were "searching for resources to ples who want both, to blend in their homes," Hawxhurst
help us as we started navigating all the lifelong ques- says. "That's not true. What we're trying to do is be rep-
tions." In the library, she found nothing "that seemed
resentative of that broad base of circulation."
quite as open to all the ideas that I knew were out
But, in Dovetail's six years, "We sort of, I guess,
there."
are becoming known as a national clear-
They had been through a temple
inghouse for independent information
support group, "and, just by talking
for interfaith families. People call
with the other eight couples that
us and come to us. We also have
were in that group, it was clear
come out with a catalog of prod-
there was a wide range of
ucts, not only our own, but re-
ideas and opinions, ,
sources, books, tapes,
and ways of doing
jewelry; things that are
things that couples
specially geared toward
were considering," she *1
interfaith families, and
E
recalls.
from everything we can
"In print, most of `g
tell, families are really
them said, number
happy to find things in
one, you have to pick 1-,)L.
one place."
one faith for your ()
Some of the items of-
child, and number
fered in the Dovetail cat-
two, it probably should ccs)
alog include an interfaith
be Judaism. It struck '(-,
ketubah (marriage con-
me that while that's a a"
tract), available from the
perfectly appropriate deci-
Good Company in Chicago;
sion, it didn't leave room for
jewelry charms in the shape
couples to explore on their
of two doves and two inter-
own."
twined hands; and reversible
That's when Dovetail was
placemats with Chanukah gelt and
hatched. Hawxhurst intended the pe-
dreidels on one side, and the wise men
riodical "not to tell couples what to do, but
and other Christmas imagery on the oth-
rather to provide them with lots of aiffer-
er.
ent ideas and options, and allow them to Joan Hawxhurst, editor of Dovetail,
Most of Dovetail's subscribers come
enjoys family time with Jewish
come to their own conclusions."
from Jewish-Christian families, Hawx-
Hawxhurst admits to having felt husband, Steve Bertman, and their hurst says, "but Islam is coming up pret-
daughter Sarah.
"pushed in certain directions, both in the
ty fast ... [and] Jewish-Buddhist and a few
support group and in the things that I was
other permutations have inquired."
reading. My husband's a university professor, and we
"We have talked with the United Church of Canada
like to think. There was room for a publication to en- about doing a book like our wedding book," she says. That
courage couples to actually think things through ... and
church approached Dovetail about creating a resource to
that's what we tried to do with Dovetail."
aid a growing number of intermarrieds in its ranks, she
For $24.99, subscribers get six issues of the newslet- notes.
ter, which focuses on issues around growing an inter-
But, "while we certainly would like to provide resources
faith family.
to everybody who needs them, we're three part-time peo-
"We've tried all along to be really responsive to our ple, two of whom are home with small kids. It's a little
readers," says Hawxhurst, who gets calls every week too much for us to take on right now."
from people who are looking for clergy to officiate at an
Still, Dovetail is growing, quickly. This year, Hawx-
interfaith wedding, or who want help creating a cere- hurst says they established a non-profit entity, called The
mony themselves.
Dovetail Institute, which will sponsor the first indepen-
Aside from the newsletter, Hawxhurst has written a dent national conference for interfaith families, April 3-
5, 1998, in Carlisle, Pa. Cokie Roberts, who is married to
few books, too.
The year-old Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies grew out a Jewish man, will be the keynote speaker at the confer-
of the mail she received from newsletter subscribers who ence on the campus of Dickinson College.
would send in descriptions of their ceremonies and men-
"In effect, we have never made a profit, but we do ex-
tion clergypeople who were interested in interfaith issues. ist as a potentially for-profit company," Hawxhurst says.
"It's been really gratifying — we're not trying to give The Dovetail Institute was created for people who want
just one way to do it, but the book gives six or seven sam- to make tax-deductible donations. ❑

a

LONNY GOLDSMITH STAFF WRITER

I

n 1990, the Council of Jewish Federations conducted
the National Jewish Population Survey (NJPS), which
revealed trends in the rate of intermarriage.
Between 1985 and 1990, 52 percent of Jews get-
ting married chose non-Jewish partners, the survey con-
cluded.
While a recent article in The New York Times states
that the actual rates of intermarriage are lower, Dr. Egon
Mayer, director of the Jewish Outreach Institute, claims
the numbers themselves aren't that important.
"However you slice and dice the numbers, the rate of
increase isn't changing, and neither are the trend lines of
intermarriage," Mayer said. "The rate of increase is steadi-
ly rising, but will slow now that it is over 50 percent."
According to the NJPS, since 1965, the intermarriage
rate has increased five times.
A 1994 article in Moment magazine states that the 52
percent figure is too high.
In comparing 35-44 year-olds to those age 55-64, 'the
younger group has clearly married gentiles at a rate two
to three times that of the older group," said Steven Cohen,
the author of the article, "Why Intermarriage May Not
Threaten the Jewish Community."
Cohen feels, according to his article, that the rates of
activity among the younger group are 'lust as ritually ac-
tive as the older group" when it comes to: participating in
a seder and lighting Chanukah candles (70 percent each),
attending High Holiday services and fasting on Yom Kip-
pur (58 percent each), lighting Sabbath candles (20-21 per-
cent) and keeping some semblance of a kosher home (15
percent).
What isn't good news is that the younger group has few-
er Jewish friends, is less likely to contribute to a Jewish
organization and more likely to have a Christmas tree
than the older group.
An important component to the NJPS is how the num-
bers are looked at, and how the survey is put together.
`There are a lot of sociologists who have an agenda when
it comes to this," said Rabbi Alan Silverstein, the inter-
national president of the Rabbinical Assembly. "I could
predict the results of the survey in the year 2000, if I know
who puts it together."
Larry Sternberg, associate director of the Cohen Cen-
ter for Modern Jewish Study at Brandeis University, sug-
gested that the CJF survey was influenced by political
delicacy.
"It's a matter of the politics of inch ision," Sternberg said.
"It depends on who is counted in the study, and that will
determine the results."
Sternberg claims that the best way to lower the num-
bers is to make Judaism meaningful to Jews.
"If Judaism doesn't matter to Jews, then they won't care
if they intermarry," he said.
At the same time CJF's survey was released, the Jew-
ish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit released its own
population survey of this area.
In Detroit, intermarriages have increased significant-
ly as well, but not at the same rate.
Prior to 1960, the intermarriage rate in Detroit was 7
percent. In 1989, it was up to 44 percent.
'The actual number lies somewhere between 38 and
52 percent," said Sue Stettner, who runs programs for in-
terfaith families through the Agency for Jewish Educa-
tion. "The escalating rate is definitely a concern. Even if
it's at 38 percent, it still made a significant jump."
One of Stettner's concerns is giving the children of in-
termarriage a Jewish background.
"We know that if the children aren't involved, then the
numbers will continue to rise."
Her concerns are validated by the NJPS, which found
that 72 percent of children born into interfaith households
are not raised as Jews. ❑