Hot Spots

Some congregations have policies relevant to interfaith couples, offer more programs and are more welcoming to the intermarried.

LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER

termarried. "We want to be loving and open to all our
members — a parent is a parent is a parent. We have
honed our bar/bat mitzvah service so that no one would
ever be able to make a distinction between the role
of the parent who is Jewish and the role of the parent
who isn't Jewish."

cross the board, the non-Jewish spouse of an in-
terfaith couple may face some restrictions in
what he or she can do on the bimah.
But no synagogue will turn away an inter-
married couple — especially if they want to learn how
to incorporate Judaism into their family life.
Some synagogues, however, offer more than others.
Here's a taste of what Detroit area congregations
have to offer intermarrieds:

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Temple Shir Shalom (Reform)

At Shir Shalom, "we don't feel intermarriage is a
terrible thing. We believe it is a symptom, and the dis-
ease inhabiting the Jewish people is illiteracy. If Jews
don't know their Judaism, they are willing to give it
up too easily. We have to outreach to them as well as
give non-Jews an idea of what Judaism is all about,"
says Rabbi Daniel Schwartz.
About 44 percent of the 10-year-old West Bloomfield
congregation is "intermarried in some way," says
Schwartz — "born not Jewish and married to Jews.
But we have a great many intermarrieds where the
person converts."
At one time, Shir Shalom offered pro-
grams for intermarrieds, but the rabbi
says "nobody shows up, because they're
showing up to everything. We main-
stream everybody."
Part of the temple's mission state-
ment speaks about the necessity of mak-
ing intermarrieds feel comfortable and
fully part of the congregation.

Temple Beth El (Reform)

A non-Jewish spouse in an interfaith marriage is
considered a full member at Temple Beth El and is
welcome to participate in every congregational activ-
ity, according to Rabbi Daniel Syme. "Our school is
open to their children, and we are one family."
However, a gentile individual "does not read from
the Torah at Beth El — I don't like to say to people, 'If
you convert to Judaism, then you'll be allowed to do
this.' I want people to come to Judaism because they
want to come to Judaism. There are
certain ritual privileges, certain ritu-
al acts, that are only performed by
Jews, and at some point in time, if a
person chooses to come to Judaism
through conversion and thereafter is
considered a Jew in all respects, then
that person may also participate in rit-
ual acts."

Congregation Shir Tikvah (Reform)

Beth Isaac Synagogue (Reform)

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Temple Emanu-El (Reform)

Rabbi Joseph Klein says of interfaith marriages: "I
would hope that the congregation as a whole is com-
pletely welcoming of their presence and their partic-
ipation. My philosophy has always been that a member
of the congregation is a member of the congregation,
with all rights and privileges and participation, that
anybody else would have."
New to the shul, Klein hopes to develop and expand
Emanu-El's current program schedule, "implement-
ing new ones that will encourage interfaith families
to become more involved and to find a way for them to
express their religious identity as a family."

The Troy synagogue is one of the most
popular places for interfaith families to
belong. Perhaps because half of its mem-
bership is inter-
Around the side of
faith, according to
Temple Shir Shalom
Janet Schenk, for-
is the Carole & Henry mer chair of the in-
k... F.!
Frank Interfaith
terfaith couples

Garden.

PHOTOS BY BILL HANSEN

The 27-member Trenton synagogue
does not offer any specific programs
for intermarrieds, says Neal Freeling,
vice president, even though interfaith
families comprise half of its member-
ship. "Only Jewish members can read
from the Torah, there are certain
prayers that only Jewish members are
allowed to say on the pulpit," Freeling
said.

Congregation Bet Chaverim. (Reform)

About half of the Canton congregation consists of
interfaith families, says Jay Miller, vice president. Its
social committee plans at least one family event and
one adult event each month.

Congregation T'chiyah (Reconstructionist)

The only Reconstructionist group in metro Detroit
is formulating a policy on intermarriage and syna-
gogue membership, says Alan Schenk, former presi-
dent, who sits on a national task force within the
Reconstructionist movement on the role of the non-
Jew in Reconstructionist congregations.
While about 20 percent of Trchiyah is intermarried,
the policy varies among Reconstructionist congrega-
tions across the country, he says. "Some have been or-
ganized and designed for intermarried couples. In our
bylaws, for membership we require the person to be
Jewish and therefore as a practical matter if there's
an intermarried couple, the non-Jewish person does
not join but is invited and welcome to come to any and
all events ... non-Jewish people cannot have an aliyah,
they cannot lead a religious prayer in Hebrew, they
can read English psalms or other appropriate things."
For example, at a baby naming, both parents are
welcome to come up for the mishabayarach, but any
prayer would be said by the Jewish spouse, Schenk
says.

Birmingham Temple (Humanistic)

Because the movement developed by Rabbi Sher-
win Wine was founded on the principle of human
decision, it is up to the individual how much he or
she wants to participate at the Birmingham Tem-
ple. A non-Jewish spouse can participate as fully
as a Jew, says Tamara Kolton, assistant rabbi.
The Birmingham Temple offers several groups
for intermarried families. One meets monthly to
"celebrate differences" and discuss issues related
to interfaith marriage.

Congregation Beit Kodesh (Conservative)

Temple Israel (Reform)

"Temple Israel has always had a reputation for be-
ing very friendly for intermarried couples and also of-
ten very inviting, in the sense that those couples often
make the decision for the non-Jewish partner to con-
vert to Judaism," says Rabbi Paul Yedwab of the na-
tion's largest Reform temple.
At holiday times, Temple Israel hosts workshops
"geared to either non-Jews living in Jewish homes or
new Jews-by-choice," for help with Chanukah, Passover
and other Jewish celebrations, Yedwab says.
Temple Israel's introduction to Judaism course is
extremely active, with about 50 people studying to-
ward conversion in the two or three classes offered
yearly, Yedwab says.
He did not know how many member families are in-

Shir Tikvah offers a 10-week introduction to Ju-
daism class every winter, says JoAnne Levy, temple
administrator/executive director. This year, it will of-
fer a Nov. 23 workshop about the December Dilemma.
"The families are feeling a part of the congrega-
tion as a whole," Levy says. "We've tried numerous
times to put together a group, and there doesn't seem
to be a need for that."

group. Six of the 14 board members of the temple are
in interfaith marriages.
To me, right there it says, it doesn't matter. What's
important to us is that you feel your family is Jewish.
And nobody asks, it's not an issue, not a question,"
Schenk says.
The only thing that the non-Jewish spouse of an in-
terfaith couple cannot do at Shir Tikvah is become the
president of the shul.
In the past, Shin Tikvah's interfaith couples group
met on a monthly basis, says Schenk. Married couples
and couples considering marriage would use the group
as a forum for issues they were dealing with.

With 35-40 percent of its members consisting of
intermarried families, Rabbi Craig Allen's wife Di-
ane says his policy is that in the long-run, "it is bet-
ter to have an interested gentile than a resentful
converted Jew."
The congregation does not acknowledge a child
as Jewish who has a Jewish father and a non-Jew-
ish mother, Mrs. Allen says, unless the child is con-
verted.
A family where the father is Jewish and the moth-
er gentile has a year to decide as far as Sunday school
goes, the child will be converted, Allen says. "If not,
then we suggest they go to a Reform temple where
that's not a problem. Can't be in the Sunday school in-
definitely because they're not Jewish, and it's not fair
to prepare them for a bar mitzvah that's not going to
happen."
Of the 50 children in religious school at Beit Kodesh,
there is not one "who isn't related to a gentile, whether
grandparent, parent, cousin, so it's very much a part
of our system." ❑