Drawing The Lines
Some rabbis will perform same-sex marriages, but not interfaith wedding ceremonies.
LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER
m
hen Rabbi Dannel Schwartz was interviewing
rabbinic candidates for the assistant rabbi posi-
tion at Temple Shir Shalom, he asked them two
questions: Would they perform an intermarriage
ceremony? And, would they perform a same-sex com-
mitment ceremony?
What he found was that all of the Reform rabbinic
candidates would, without a doubt, officiate at the same-
sex union, but many would not do the intermarriage.
Has religious doctrine been replaced by politics?
'What I found was that, though 90 percent of the Re-
form rabbinic candidates that we were interviewing
would refuse to do any form of intermarriage, in any
way, when asked, 'Well, what about a commitment cer-
emony?' had no problem with it whatsoever," Schwartz
says.
"In Jewish law, we have Solomon marrying literally
hundreds of non-Jewish wives. We have, biblically, David
marrying non-Jewish wives. Moses had a non-Jewish
wife. We have Queen Esther marrying Ahasuerus, we
have Ruth, who is not of the Jewish faith — at the time
of conversion was when she said to her mother-in-law,
Naomi, 'Whither thou goest I will go.' In other words,
she married Naomi's son first, and then he died. So, she
was married to somebody before she ever converted."
Biblically speaking, says Schwartz, "intermarriage,
save for [to the people of] seven nations, was permissi-
ble. Those people were treated as ger toshays, strangers
who dwell amongst you, who had extraordinary rights,
because they were giving something up to be with the
Jewish people. But, the marriage was considered valid,
biblically. Homosexual relationships throughout bibli-
cal times were not just frowned upon, they were illegal."
So, why the disparity between the practices of some Re-
form rabbinic students today?
"I feel that they believe that the law is ancient, and
did not interpret the condition of the person who is gay
in an appropriate way," Schwartz suggests. 'That they feel
that their own understanding of homosexual relationships
is such that it's a love relationship, and if the American
Medical Association, and the American Psychological As-
sociation, and the American Psychiatric Association can
define homosexuality as normal, then why shouldn't re-
ligion do so? That the state laws have not come around yet
to do that is problematic, but certainly shouldn't get in the
way of blessing two people who are in love."
Under certain conditions, Schwartz will perform both
types of ceremonies. The same-sex union is one in which
the rabbi says a prayer blessing the couple and their love.
"I don't purport, in any way, that this is Jewish law or that
Jewish law says that this is OK or not OK. I basically
say that these people are in love."
Not every rabbi in metro Detroit was willing to say on
the record whether or not they will perform same-sex cer-
emonies or intermarriages. Conservative rabbis, by na-
ture of the movement, are forbidden to perform an
intermarriage by the Rabbinical Assembly. Doing so could
be reason for expulsion from the Conservative rabbinate.
Rabbi Joel Meyers, executive vice president of the Rab-
binical Assembly, says the RA "has a longstanding stan-
dard of rabbinic practice, in which rabbis who are members
of the assembly, really all the Conservative rabbis in the
world, are bound not to officiate, nor be present at, inter-
marriages. The reasoning behind it ought to be very clear:
Rabbis officiate as representatives of the Jewish commu-
nity, and an officiant at such a ceremony would, in fact, be
giving approval to an intermarriage. And, certainly, we do
not approve of intermarriages."
The prohibition has been in effect for about 20 years,
Meyers says.
"If a rabbi did this, openly, our ethics committee would
talk to the rabbi; if this was a practice of his or hers, [he or
she] would be asked to leave the Rabbinical Assembly," he
adds.
Rabbi Stephen Weiss of Congregation Shaarey Zedek
in Southfield, says that some people "have the miscon-
ception that because a rabbi doesn't perform intermar-
riages, he doesn't reach out to them. That's not true.
Conservative congregations are still embracing inter-
married families while helping them build a Jewish home."
And, while most Reform rabbis will perform an inter-
marriage, under certain conditions, few, if any, will co-of-
ficiate with a Christian clergy member or in a non-Jewish
religions venue. The spiritual leaders from the Humanis-
tic movement's Birmingham Temple will co-officiate, wher-
ever and without stipulations, says Tamara Kolton,
assistant rabbi.
"My guess is that we are the only temple that will co-of-
ficiate in a church and without any stipulations of what
they will do with their children. That's their choice," Kolton
says.
Following is a list of those rabbis who will perform ei-
ther intermarriages or same-sex commitment ceremonies:
• Humanistic movement rabbis (according to Tamara
Kolton of the Birmingham Temple):
Will perform intermarriages, as well as co-officiate,
"because the basic philosophy of Humanistic Judaism
is that we promote dignity." The move-
ment celebrates choosing a life partner,
whether same-sex or heterosexual, "as
long as it is dignified," Kolton says.
an introduction to Judaism course, to accepting the Jew-
ish people as their people.
"How I make that distinction: In Jewish law, in the
Talmud, there seems to be two categories of convert;
there is the ger toshav, which means the
stranger who dwells amongst you. In bibli-
cal times, the ger toshav seemed to have ex-
traordinary rights, the same rights as a
widow and an orphan. Now, who was that
person? One would say that person must
have been a convert. And the answer was,
well what is a ger tzadik (a righteous
stranger)? The ger tzadik was considered a
religious convert who accepted the Jewish
faith as their faith, whereas
the ger toshav was a stranger
who dwelled amongst the
Jewish people, who was cul-
tural, adopted the Jewish peo-
ple as their people."
officiate at same-sex commitment ceremonies at this
time."
• Rabbi Efry Spectre, Conservative, Adat Shalom Syn-
agogue
`There is no need for me to officiate at an intermar-
riage, aside from what officially the Conservative move-
ment says. God has an identity. If God is real, then God
has an identity, and if two people want to get married
in the sight of God, then that has to be a God in the
relationship with whom we do certain things because
of what we are. If it's going to be a marriage, then the
State of Michigan marriage certificate says the two peo-
ple are married. In the sight of God means a specific
God."
• Rabbi Joseph Klein, Reform, Temple
Emanu-El:
Will officiate at an intermarriage, "if
the couple has already established that
their home and their family will be a Jew-
ish home and a Jewish family. If they will
work with me for six to eight months, talk
• Rabbi Craig Allen, Conservative, Con-
about what being a Jewish family is, help
gregation Beit Kodesh (Livonia)
create their ceremony ... and they must
Will not perform intermarriages. Diane
belong to a synagogue."
Allen, the rabbi's wife, says, "He feels that
Will not co-officiate. 'The ceremony it-
it's not legally binding — his authority is
self must be a Jewish ceremony."
Rabbi Benne I Schwartz:
between two consenting Jewish adults and
Never been asked to do a same-sex
•Rabbi Arnie Sleutelberg, Re-
if they're not Jewish aduis, then there's no
union. "I would hope that I would take Intermarriage ru ns rampant in form, Congregation Shir Tik-
the Bible, but there's no
basis for him to be there."
the same criteria that would prompt me
vah
sanctioned sa me-sex love.
to officiate at an intermarriage. For in-
Will perfol in interfaith
• Rabbi David Nelson, Conservative, Beth
stance, if it were two Jews who came to
marriages; will not co-offici-
Shalom
me, but they were not interested in joining a synagogue, ate. Requests that the couple take an in-
Will not perform intermarriage or same-
I would not be able to officiate. Synagogue membership,
tro to Judaism class together, according
sex unions. Of the latter: "I would be un-
family affirmation, and working with me, goes across to Joanne Levy, temple administrator/ex-
comfortable in doing that, although I've
the board."
ecutive director. Rabbi Sleutelberg was
never been asked. I have great affection
out of town, and was, therefore, unable to
for all people; I feel that there are prob-
• Rabbi Michael Moskowitz, Reform, Temple Shir comment by press time on same-sex
Rabbi Daniel Syme: Will
lems in Jewish law, and as a Conservative
Shalom
unions.
intermarriage, not rabbi, I think that part of my role is to bal-
Performs both, under certain conditions.
Janet Schenk, publicity chair, says the officiate at same-sex,
ance modernity and tradition ... [same-sex
rabbi "will not marry you if you're say-
• Rabbi Dannel Schwartz, Reform, Temple Shir Shalom
unions are] a shock to the system a little
ing you will not raise your kids as Jews."
Performs both, under certain conditions.
bit. To a Conservative rabbi it's still something that's
Will not co-officiate with Christian clergy. The cou- • Rabbi Daniel Syme, Reform, Temple Beth El
out there, at least to me — I haven't said no, but I
ple must commit to raising a Jewish family, to taking
"I do officiate at interfaith ceremonies. I do not haven't said yes." ❑