Widening The threw

Long a taboo, outreach to interfaith families is gaining support.

JULIE WIENER AND LONNY GOLDSMITHSTAFF WRITERS

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S

cott Campbell grew up taking communion,
dispassionately, acknowledging it as a fact "without
For several years, Congregation Shir Tikvah had
putting money in the church collection box and passing judgment," said Kathy Wilson-Fink, its chair- an informal monthly support group, at which in-
going to confession.
person.
termarried couples discussed such issues as holi-
Although he never converted to Judaism,
Wilson-Fink, a convert to Judaism after her mar- days and dealing with extended family. However,
Campbell now attends synagogue with his wife, riage, is a living testimonial to the benefits of out- the group has recently disbanded, due to lack of
Joanne, and helps their 7-year-old daughter, Dayna, reach. She said she became more connected with interest, said Janet Schenk, a lay leader who co-
fill the tzedakah box.
Judaism when she attended a program through the
ordinated the group. Temple Israel's education di-
The Campbells, Beverly Hills residents who have
Federation 11 years ago. It also helped her husband rector, Fran Pearlman, said the temple is thinking
been married for 20 years, are in their second year reconnect with his Jewish identity — an effect that of reviving "Let's Talk," a lapsed series for inter-
of Stepping Stones to a Jewish Me, an Agency for is common to the Jewish spouse in an interfaith mar- married couples and their families.
Jewish' Education (AJE) outreach program for in- riage, she said.
"Interfaith couples really need a lot of opportu-
terfaith families.
A goal of the Interfaith Connection, Wilson-Fink nities for seeing their experiences mirrored in
Launched in 1992 with a grant from the Max M. said, is to provide a non-threatening environment in the lives of others," said the JOI's Dr. Mayer.
Fisher Foundation, Stepping Stones provides a two- which interfaith couples can explore the issues re- "Very often, the first sense is of being isolated, of
year series of tuition-free educational sessions for in- lated to their differences, and to their future as spous- feeling like they are experiencing tensions by them-
termarried couples and their children.
es and parents. Plus, it connects couples to the selves."
The program gives interfaith families the oppor- Federation, which task
He recommends out-
tunity to explore Judaism, while providing them with
force members would
reach programs that fo-
the tools for involvement in the Jewish community.
like to think of as the
cus on practical, rather
"I ask people to take these two years as an oppor- "first address" for cou-
than spiritual, issues
tunity to ask questions, to listen and to learn," said ples seeking support.
and are held in non-
Sue Stettner, the director of the program. "I'd love it
The Interfaith Con-
threatening environ-
if everyone would raise their children Jewish, but nection involves the
ments. "The programs
the goal is to make them understand that their chil- expansion of Stepping
that are the most suc-
dren need to have some religious or cultural identi- Stones, and the cre-
cessful don't lay heavy
ation of a new parent-
ty-
emphasis on commit-
"Kids can't decide [on a religion], and the impact child interactive
ment, but much heav-
of not knowing who you are, where you belong, has
program for families
ier emphasis on
a lasting impact," she continued.
with children not yet
exploration," Mayer
According to SteLtner, 70 percent of the 200 fam- in school. In addition,
said.
ilies that have participated in the program now af- Marilyn Hertzberg, of
As intermarriage be-
filiate with Jewish religious institutions, with most Jewish Family Ser-
comes increasingly
joining Reform temples and synagogues.
vice, will offer work-
common, mainstream
Now, with an $86,400 grant from the Jewish Fed- shops for Marilyn Hertzberg: Helping grandparents cope with intermarriage.
Jewish organizations
eration of Metropolitan Detroit, and a new effort gTandparents whose
are becoming more ac-
called the Interfaith
children are inter- cepting of outreach, says Mayer.
Connection, Stettner
married.
In a recent JOI survey of 377 Jewish communal
and others may be able
The Federation professionals around the nation, 70 percent of re-
to bring more families
grant is for one year, spondents stated that it is very important for the
like the Campbells into
with the option for two community to offer outreach programs to inter-
the Jewish community.
more years of funding faith couples.
Stemming from rec-
pending a favorable
But not everyone in the Jewish community fa-
ommendations by the
evaluation.
vors the outreach approach. Many critics claim
Commission on Inter-
Detroit is not the that, by reaching out to interfaith families, the
faith Marriage, a task
only Jewish commu- Jewish community is condoning intermarriage.
force formed in 1994 by
nity stepping up out- Others question whether outreach is effective
the Agency for Jewish
reach efforts, says enough to justify diverting money from programs
Education at the request
sociologist Egon May- for more committed Jews.
of the Federation, the In-
er. Dr. Mayer is direc-
Indeed, outreach may be too new and too lim-
terfaith Connection will
tor of the 9-year-old ited to evaluate. In a national JOI study, only four
be jointly coordinated by
Jewish Outreach In- percent of the intermarried population reported
ME and Jewish Family
stitute (JOI), a na- participating in a Jewish outreach program, but
Service, and will provide Sue Stettner is expanding her reach •
tional organization that satisfaction was very high among those partici-
a variety of services and
aims "to preserve the pating, with 83 percent saying they would rec-
opportunities for interfaith families.
Jewish continuity of interfaith families, and to pro- ommend the program to a friend.
The Commission on Interfaith Marriage's research mote their inclusion in the Jewish community."
The outreach critics don't faze Stepping Stones'
included a focus group study involving 26 partici-
While Detroit is part of "the first wave," Dr. May- Stettner or Dr. Mayer.
pants. Among the findings were that interfaith cou-
er says cutting-edge outreach programs have also
"The reality is the reality," said Stettner. "If we
ples are more interested in learning about Jewish been launched in San Francisco, Seattle, San Diego, don't reach out to these families, there's a good
customs, traditions and celebrations, than in learn- New York and Boston.
chance that the children will never connect with
ing about religious philosophy, theology, prayers and
Outreach can mean extended programs like Step- the community and it will end there."
ritual. In addition, interfaith couples report seeking ping Stones, support groups; classes and social fo-
Dr. Mayer agrees. "People realize that, whether
— but not finding — a feeling of welcome and a com- rums, synagogue programs or one-time events.
we communicate one message or another, inter-
fortable niche in the Jewish community.
In Detroit, Jewish Family Service and Stepping marriage keeps happening. People will make choic-
"People are not looking for tenets of Judaism, but Stones have provided most of the outreach, although es, whether we help them or not. The question is,
a sense of belonging," Stettner said.
some synagogues have offered occasional discussion
do we enable them to make Jewish choices?" said
The task force looked at the issue of intermarriage groups.
Dr. Mayer. LI