Controlling The Pain
With Unconditional Love

PHIL JACOBS EDITOR

PH., By

..,ES. And other lessons of Jewish hospice.

"I write this with blurred eyes — due to tears.
Tears of pain tearing at my heart.
Gert is dying —
I am dying with her daily.
Daily I see her losing ground.
She cannot speak.
She cannot complain.
I seek wisdom to prepare for the final exit.
Please God — I cannot stop crying.
Everything is blurred by these briny tears.
Somebody — please tell me not to cry."

--Lew Honigman

ert is dying.
She lies on the bed of her
second-floor Oak Park
apartment "looking" out-
side. Who knows what she
sees? Who know what she
is thinking?
On the other side of the
bed, Lew, her husband of
almost 60 years, asks, "Do
you love me Gert? I love
you."
Lew Honigman watch-
es over his beloved Gert,
talks to her, feeds her the
liquid nourishment. His
world revolves around her
and her illness. She is 82
and is suffering an incur-
able disease.
"She was unstoppable," the re-
tired pharmacist said. "It was
Hadassah, this organization, that
charity. She was the active one, the
one in charge. She was so full of
life."
Now the life in the Honigmans'
small, modest apartment centers
around Gert's hospital bed.
Lew doesn't get out much. He
writes in a journal. His poetry
speaks of his pain, his love for his
wife. A photo of the two of them in
happier times, two smiling senior
adults, sits on a nearby shelf.
Rabbi E.B. "Bunny" Freedman
is driving in a hurry along a down-
river freeway. He knows the

Honigmans well. He visits them
often.
On this day, however, the rabbi
of the Hospice of Michigan is walk-
ing into a nursing home clearly out
of the Jewish neighborhood.
He introduces himself to the
nurse and enters a two-person
room. There, an old woman lies.
On the wall is a cross. The room-
mate has a drawing of Jesus on her
dresser.
This isn't going to be a two-way
conversation. But "Rabbi Bunny,"
as he is known to most in this busi-
ness, is used to that. He tries to find
out what he can about the Jewish
background of the patient. He en-
courages her. He says "Hear 0 Is-
rael, the Lord..." The patient here
seems alerted by his words.
On another day, he'll find a man
through another hospice and
arrange with Hebrew Memorial
Rabbi Boruch Levin for a Jewish
funeral.
Each day, Rabbi Freedman, an
Orthodox rabbi, meets with Jews
from every affiliation. He hears
their stories of guilt over not hav-
ing been to synagogue in a while.
He listens to survivors talk of the
Holocaust. He prays with them.
Some are praying for the first time
in years.
The Hospice of Michigan always
has availed itself to Jewish clien-
tele. But four years ago it took a

new step when it brought in Rab- process. Hospice provides them
bi Freedman. Then, through in-ser- with palliative care, or pain con-
vice training, it sensitized its trol. It is, however, much more
nurses, home workers and other than drugs.
In the Talmud (Nedarim 40a)
professional staff that Jewish pa-
tients have different customs in life Rabbi Akiva rebukes his students
for not visiting a sick man
and in death.
Opposite
during a plague: "You could
In 1991 Jerry and Eileen
page:
have been a help to him. You
Bielfield created an endow-
Lew
ment fund to support Jewish Honigman could have prayed for his re-
Hospice Services, a joint ef- with Gert, covery. If you had found him
fort of the Jewish Family the love of in a state of great pain and
his life.
there was no hope for his re-
Service and the Hospice of
covery, you could have
Michigan. The effort has
trained Hospice professionals so prayed for his speedy death."
The late sage Rabbi Moshe Fe-
they better understand dietary
laws, Sabbath customs, Yiddish ex- instein (translated by Moshe Dovid
pressions, holidays and other is- Tendler) writes in Care of the Crit-
sues such as Jewish laws and ically Ill that the patient, family and
physician must make a "best-in-
customs of death and mourning.
Jewish hospice is for all Jews, terest" decision. "Loving family
members, in cooperation with the
no matter the affiliation.
Jewish law commands us to physician and their rabbinic guide,
"choose life," to do everything pos- must decide whether the patient's
quality of life is so poor as to justify
sible to preserve and protect life.
But Halachah also recognizes the withdrawal of all treatment other
reality of death. When it is clear than hydration and nutrition."
Simon Lefkowitz probably would
that the battle to preserve a life
is lost and death is imminent, the have agreed with the concept of hos-
emphasis of care changes to pre- pice, especially if Rabbi Moshe Fe-
serving humanity with dignity and instein wrote about it. Lefkowitz
with a complete control of pain.
died last winter after Alzheimer's
Jews are not permitted to com- Disease took away his memory and
mit suicide or to refuse treatment then his life. Professionally, he was
that would keep them alive. Those a painter, he lived in Oak Park with
diagnosed as terminally ill have his wife, Felicia. He was a highly
the right to refuse treatment that sought-after ba'al tefillah and chaz-
serves only to lengthen the dying zan at area minyans. In his final