ent types, including people who
were not in the categories I list-
ed. I felt in my own ad I could be
selfish. So I thought if I asked
for a person in a specific age
bracket I should get that."
When a woman a few years
above his requested age range
phoned, Cohen was not thrilled.
"It was not what I asked for. I
thought, 'If you are not follow-
ing the instructions to be-
gin with, that looks like
problems down the line."'
Cohen carefully craft-
ed his ad. "My opening
line was, 'Let's warm up
the winter months to-
gether.' I wanted some-
one to read it twice rather
than start the ad with the
typical, 'I'm athletic and
good-looking.' The rest of
my ad was pretty gener-
ic, but I left a voice mail
message that was clever
and funny."
Nancy was the third
woman he went out with
from the ad. "She claims
she thought my opening
line was stupid, but hey,
she called," Cohen says.
A Detroit Public
Schools teacher, Nancy
wasn't having much luck
with blind dates or scop-
ing out Royal Oak and
Birmingham hot spots.
"I wasn't connecting
with anyone," she says. "I
read the classified ads
and circled three. I called
them all, but Dan had a
real cute, inviting voice so
I pursued his ad. An-
swering an ad is a chance
you take, but I can't imag-
ine my life without Dan."
Esther and Frank Ros-
ner met through The
DJN's personal ads in
1995 and married in 1996.
Esther, 38, was divorced
and decided to place an ad
on a dare from one of her
girlfriends.
"I was very opposed to
it because I thought the
only people I would meet would
be geeks," she says. "I wanted to
place an ad to prove this to my
friend, but my plan backfired on
me."
Frank was attracted to Es-
ther's ad mainly because she
wrote that her only dependent
likes Kibbles 'n' Bits.
"I was looking to meet some
Jewish people, and this seemed
like a fairly easy way of doing
it," he says. "The ads present an
easy time-saving way of meet-
ing people. A lot of people go to
singles events and bars for years
without meeting the right per-
son and are wasting a lot of their
life. I wasn't going to waste any
more of my life."
Likewise, when Esther first
met Frank, she liked that he
was genuine; she decided not to
waste a minute. "When we said
goodbye, I kissed him goodnight,
which is not like me at all. But
I wanted to make sure he called
me back," she says. It worked.
Their second date was on East-
er Sunday and by May he told
her he loved her.
"You can be a little outrageous
in the Metro Times and The De-
troit News, but it's not the same
with The Detroit Jewish News,"
says Susan Knoppow, a 30-year-
old creative-writing instructor
at • Oakland Community Col-
lege's Orchard Ridge campus.
"What if someone calls and
they know your brother, uncle
or best friend? There is a greater
thought they were all fairly in-
terchangeable — which means
if I was interested in calling one,
I could pretty much call all of
them because I wouldn't be able
to discriminate between them.
They are all average. There is
nothing that makes me say, 'Oh
this one I have to call."'
Writing Ads
That Wow
Steve says he had no
problem coming up with
his ad, partially because
there is only so much you
can say in 30 words. "The
first part, I gave a phys-
ical description. The ad
says I'm a good-looking
man, and that's a hook,"
he says.
But he acknowledges
that people can be dis-
honest. Steve admits
that he's heard stories
where the men up their
height a few inches.
"People exaggerate;
you just have to read be-
tween the lines," he says.
"You have a perceived
image of this person
when you talk on the
phone and when you see
them and they don't live
up to that expectation;
it's a letdown.,"
The way you write your
message is important. It's
a first impression.
Left: Esther and Frank Rosner:
She thought only "geeks"
answered personal ads but
met her husband instead.
Below: Nancy and Danny
Cohen, married a year, met
through the personals.
"I knew I loved him when I
was not feeling well one day, and
he dropped off a quart of chick-
en-noodle soup and a milkbone
for my dog at my door. He was
the romantic guy I was always
looking for. All my dreams came
true," she says.
The number of success stories
are growing partly because per-
sonal ads can be found every-
where — from mainstream daily
newspapers to racier local week-
lies like the Metro Times, which
has run "Connections" for 16
years. The flip side to the Metro
Times ads are those found in
The DJAT's "People Connector"
section, which has been around
since 1986.
chance for a potential
connection, so maybe
people perceive that
they have to be more
careful in what they
say," she advises.
This view has led to
squeaky clean ads, fit
for the whole family
to read. The downside
is The DJN personals
are not always as
spicy or enticing as
they need be to attract a part-
ner.
"If I were writing one, I
wouldn't want mine to be aver-
age. I would want it to get peo-
ple's attention," Knoppow says.
"When I read through the ads, I
"If you compare personal ads
to a resume, a resume won't get
you a job, but it could get you an
interview," Knoppow says. "A
personal ad won't get you a date,
but it will give you a phone call."
What is appropriate personal
ad etiquette? How honest do you
need to be?
You probably should be up
front about being divorced or
having children, but you don't
have to be forthright about per-
sonal flaws. For example,
whether or not you put the seat
down or pick your teeth in pub-
lic doesn't have to make it into
the ad. Save your grooming
quirks for a later date.
No False
Advertising
Describing yourself on paper
is probably one of life's most dif-
ficult tasks. You want to be pos-
itive but not dull.
The words "sexy, slender,
down-to-earth" appear in a large
chunk of the ads placed by fe-
males in Jewish papers through-
out the country. "Attractive,
successful, down-to-earth" de-
scribes most of the men.
Then there's the all-encom-
passing "good-looking" phrase
which seems to be used too lib-
erally. You might want to steer
away from fibs like "Mel Gibson
look-alike" if clearly you could
pass for the lost twin of Woody
Allen or Jason Alexander.
Ladies, don't hint that your
measurements are 34-26-34 if
you're plump. Honesty is invit-
ing. Trust is important in any
relationship, so you might as
well start off on a good note.
Besides, even if describing
yourself as gorgeous or striking
is accurate, sometimes it's best
to be understated. Let the other
person be pleasantly surprised.
The reader wants to learn
something special about you. In-
stead of listing the common,
"loves walks on the beach," try
including something more cen-
tral to what you are about. Let
the reader know you are an in-
credible listener, and you never
blow off your friends.
You may also want to throw
in something light, like: "avid
bungee jumper, can't live with-
out red meat, and give killer
massage."
When it comes to construct-
ing an ad, Knoppow offers the
same advice she gives to cre-
ative-writing students: don't use
cliches, be sure your grammar
is correct, avoid repetition and
stay away from using metaphors
unless you are really good at it.
Writing always improves with
practice. And so can dating. It's
a matter of keeping an open
mind.
As Steve says, it can't hurt to
get out there and meet and
greet. "You may not connect
with the first, second, 10th or
40th person, but the 41st person
could be the one, and there you
go." El