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Ashkenazic custom representing
a man's spiritual readiness for
marriage (he also wears the kit-
tel as a burial shroud and on a few
other occasions).
Another way of instilling a per-
sonal mark is to find an artistic
ketubah, to frame and hang in the
home.
"Historically, there were beau-
tiful handwritten ketubot," Rab-
bi Nelson says. Signing an
illuminated marriage contract "is
in keeping with the concept of hid-
dur mitzvah, adding splendor to
the mitzvah."
Another wedding tradition is
hakafot, the bride circling the
groom. At Conservatiiie wed-
dings, some circle, some don't,
says Rabbi Bergman. But some-
times, as in Reform weddings, the
circles are mutual; that is, groom
and bride circle each other, to
avoid a sexist connotation.
Rabbi Pachter says circling is
a mystical tradition connecting
human unity and harmony to
heavenly harmony.
"It's not a subservient issue, it
just seems to be the way the tra-
dition developed," he says. "I have
never had a groom circle the bride
but a few asked about it. I was de-
lighted."
Traditionally, there are either
three circles or seven, related to
Josea's repetition three times of
the words "I will betroth you to
me forever. I will betroth you to
me in righteousness, and in jus-
tice, and in loving-kindness, and
in compassion. And I will betroth
you to me in faithfulness." Also,
a man circles the finger three
times with tefillin in the morning.
Other traditions include im-
mersion in the mikvah before the
wedding, the initiation of a ritu-
al which Orthodox women repeat
with every menstruation. Tem-
ple Israel's Rabbi Harold Loss
says he is seeing more of the wed-
ding "dip," by both bride and
groom, now that the Reform shul
has its own mikvah. Rabbi
Bergman says immersion is
"about being reborn as a family."
He also recommends fasting, a
tradition which treats a couple's
wedding day like a little Yom Kip-
pun "It's a sense of purity, a sense
of rebirth as a couple."
Rabbi Yedwab fasted on his
wedding day. "Part of the yihud
[time alone after the ceremony] is
you break bread together, have a
small meal. [However, we] forgot
a drink. We had hors d'oeuvres
but nothing to drink. We were
stuck in the room, we had an
overnight bag with a fine bottle
of champagne and no glasses —
in our wedding dress, [we were]
chugging the champagne."
Says Rabbi Yedwab, "A wed-
ding is much more than just two
human beings coming together;
it's making an improvement in
our world and a connection to
God." ID

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