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Helping Children
Learn From Mistakes

PHYLLIS MEER SPECIAL TO THE APPLETREE

THE APPLETREE

S

22

habbat is approaching. You
breathe a sigh of relief after
cleaning the kitchen. You sit
back to admire your sparkling
floor. Suddenly, your 4-year-old son spills
a pitcher of lemonade all over the place.
Although you may feel like scream-
ing, "Haven't I told you 1,000 times to
be careful?" you instead say, "Hurry
and get the mop. Let's clean up the
floor together."
Or is it really possible for a parent to
behave calmly in situations such as
this?
Yes, says Susan Faitler, MSVV, director
of the Parenting Skills Institute. Using
tips from the Cline/Fay "Love and Log-
ic" philosophy, she discussed how par-
ents can learn through mistakes.
Parents, she says, must act as role
models for children. The home must be
a safe place to learn about the world.
Responding with empathy rather than
anger helps a child learn to problem
solve.
Here are steps to take toward teach-
ing responsibility:
1.)Give the child a task that is appro-
priate for his age. For example, if you
ask a 10-year-old to clean his room, dis-
cuss what must be done. Games should
be in the box, the bed should be made,
dirty clothes go in the hamper. It is
helpful to put a time frame on the task
and discuss the next activity. Say, "We
will leave at 2 p.m. to get some ice
cream. Whoever has a clean room may
come with us."
2.) If your child refuses to do the
task, don't panic, shout or scream. Let
empathy and the consequences do the

teaching. Say, "You must be disappoint-
ed about not coming with us for ice
cream. We will see you later."
3.) Give your child the task again and
see what happens.

Mrs. Faitler advises parents to let
their children make decisions whenev-
er possible. A 3-year-old can choose his
shirt A 12-year-old can decide what to
make for dessert. Choices help in-

crease a child's self-esteem and gives
her a sense of control.
If children have difficulty making
choices, be creative in what you offer.
If your child receives an al-

My Great Kid!
Melanie Jayde Kohn

F

or many years, a poster has
hung in Melanie's room," say
her parents, the Kohns of West
Bloomfield. "It reads: 'Random Acts of
Kindness.'
"Today, we realize that there is a
connection between the message on
the poster and our daughter. Melanie is
a 6-year-old student at Ealy Elementary
School. While she is not noted for any
honor roll, nor have any awards been
presented for best talent, she has
touched many lives in ways that typi-
cally pass unnoticed. She has our
award for the purest heart of gold!
"At 2, Melanie was_a volunteer at
Borman Hall. At the time, she did not
completely understand her role, but
she loved the smiles and hugs she gave
and received. Her favorite activity was
riding on the laps of the residents
while they traveled via wheelchair to •
and from their rooms. She repaid them
for their generous transportation by en-
tertaining them with her dance.
"Giving always has been easy for
Melanie. Sometimes on holidays,
when we package up extra toys for un-
derprivileged children, we have to stop

her from giving away her room.
All the friends who visit know
they can leave with something
of hers. Somehow, she seems
to understand the value of giv-
ing, that sharing is more im-
portant than attachment to
material possessions.
"Last Chtistmas, Melanie
passed out food and candy to
the residents of nursing
homes in Detroit. While she was afraid
of the physical ill health of the patients,
she continued on, mowing that the
joy eventually would outweigh her
fear.
"Her connection to God is undeni-
able, especially in her kindness to na- -
ture. She cuddles Worms, plays with
ants, and always reminds us, 'Don't kill
something. Place it back with its fami-
ly.' Seeing the beauty of nature, she of-
ten is confused about why we kill and
eat animals.
"Melanie's love and gentleness for
her sisters, grandparents and other
family members go without saying.
Even as a child, she knows the impor-
tance of letting people know how im-

Melanie
Kohn

portant they are. Her wish (this week)
is to be a teacher. Our wish for her is
that she continue to follow her heart."

Do you have a great kid who is
talented smart or especially
thoughOil? If so, we want to
hear about it! Please send a pho-
to and a brief description ofyour
child's wonderful talent to My
Great 10, The AppleTree, 27676
Franklin Rd, Southfield MI
48034. Please include a self-ad-
dressed, stamped envelope "you _
would like your photo returned