Guy
'
s
The lengths men go to, getting
ready for a date.
MATT MOSSMAN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
W
ether we admit it or not, most of
us twentysomethings are concerned
about dating. Everything about it.
And the way guys go about dat-
ing, well, it's an art form of its own.
We agonize for a couple days, flex in front
of the mirror, make sure our clothes are clean,
shave — do a nice job shaving— then we're
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THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
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Strangely enough, it seems the first thing
guys do when they get a date is convince
themselves it's not a date. (Stay with me.)
How many times have you heard a friend
say "Oh, we're just going to dinner and a
movie." Or "We're just hanging out together."
Date definition is important. As guys, we
need to figure out if this is just casual or a
hefty night on the town. A guy could think
his date might be convincing herself it's not
a real date either. On the other hand, if she's
enthusiastic, it could be insulting to treat the
event so casually.
We agreed it's better to prepare for both
possibilities. Short-term problem solved; long-
term confusion around the corner.
I asked the panel members what they do
to get ready. Responses ranged from "a stiff
drink" to "cranking my favorite tune: 'Love
Stinks."' The only thing everyone agreed on
is a car wash, inside and out.
Good date preparation starts with find-
ing something to do. Dinner and a movie is
old and boring. But the underlying problem
here is that we're out of ideas. Guys get into
hysterical self-generated fits trying to come
up with something exciting.
"This is just a boring city for dating,"
said several panelists from several cities.
Consensus: beaches, jazz bars and walk-
ing work. Movies are to be avoided — stan-
dard, old hat, boring! — but can be
overcome. Basically, it takes no effort for
a guy to take a girl to a movie. Show some
creativity!
My preference is a sporting event.
Whether hockey, football or baseball, it's
a place that creates fun conversation —
"Hey, check out those two fat guys fight-
ing in the end zone!"
But then some panel members and I wit-
going to say, "Enough of that. Pm going to sit nessed a double date at a ballgame. They ran
down, if this girl laughs at my jokes, we can out of conversation by the fourth inning, and
run, if she doesn't, I don't know what's go-
stopped making eye contact by the seventh,
ing on."
so I guess sports aren't always a sure thing.
Still, I wanted to back up my initial hunch
Speaking of conversation, most guys have
with some solid research. So I embarked on a pretty
good idea of what they want to talk
a mission to find out what guys think about about — mainly topics they think their dates
dating and how they do it. Keep in mind, read- will find cute. All guys have
shtick. We fig-
ing this column won't help you get a date, or ure some girls will buy it, some
won't. The
conduct one successfully. It will merely re- key is to base it on reality and market it
veal some extremely unscientific data and well.
stats about how the other half thinks on dat-
Part of that marketing concept is envi-
ing conduct.
ronment — the right restaurant. The process
I gathered some experts (my friends) to we favor here is to ask everyone we know
form a blue-ribbon panel on dating and found
that most didn't think they'd been on a date where to go, ask our dates what they like to
eat, then pick the place we had in mind in the
in years. But after employing some hard-hit- first place. If the waiter is a guy, he probably
ting interviewing techniques, I got most of
the guys to admit to calling a girl, making knows he'll get a good tip if he scrams while
we're making our big sales pitch. (Sales pitch:
plans and following through.
what guys do when we're out on dates, for ex-
Matt Mossman, a Windsor native, offers
ample, 'This is what we're all about, this is
advice on dating and understanding men
our shtick, ifyou like it, you like it; if you don't,
you don't.")
from Washington, D.C.
After eating, guys have a big
dilemma — what if she offers to pay?
Panelists agreed that guys harbor the oblig-
ation to grab the check. If she insists on con-
tributing, it's a problem. Guy consensus:
politely decline her offer, then pay for dinner.
"I just let her buy me a drink later on in the
evening," was the best idea we had.
What to wear? "I've spent a week looking
at clothes. I even once called in my sister,"
said one panel member, looking a little cha-
grined.
Actually, most poll respondents were neu-
tral on this one. The consensus? Shave, avoid
the wrinkled shirt and don't wear too much
cologne. One poll respondent has "good luck
dating socks" which he forgot to wash once,
although he did survive the date.
When we discussed the right attitude for
successful dating, the panel was at once unit-
ed and divided. Some of us argued the im-
portance of acting cool and detached: "You
gotta be somewhat interested, but not des-
perate."
Others liked the more open approach: 'Tell
them something revealing; they'll think you're
in touch with yourself."
But we unanimously agreed that a com-
fort zone is necessary. If we don't feel the need
to put on an act, we're free to just have fun
and be ourselves.
And here's the panel's key finding if we
can't show our true nature, we don't want
to be with her anyway. We'll only play at strat-
egy for so long.
So what have we learned? Guys like play-
mg tactician — we'll slave over menus, ago-
nize on itineraries and empty our closets in
search of the right look. Of course, we expect
to be appreciated for it, thanked for it — then
told to cut the crap. ❑
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